(no subject)
Me: Hey Alec, can I have a hug?
Alec (my 4 year old brother): Master Jedi Alec can only hug his wife. And Mommy is his wife.
"I'm Canadian. Everyone loves us. We're like the world's gay friend." - Jason Jones, The Daily Show
"Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool." - Almost Famous
"I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did." - Demetri Martin
Jim: Last night on "Trading Spouses," there's... did you see it?
Pam: No, I have a life.
Jim: Interesting, what's that like?
Pam: You should try it some time.
Jim: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?
- The Office
Man: I'm in pain! Nurse, nurse!
Nurse, to herself: Dammit, nigga, I just fucking gave you morphine!
- overheardinnyc.com
Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!
- overheardeverywhere.com
"David looks around, up at the sky and tries to concentrate on the web of stars... Not having depth perception is a funny thing, he knows they're far away but they don't always look so hard to get. Like he could reach his hand up and pull down a couple."
"The shampoo smelled like flowers. The bottle said 'summer rain', but clearly shampoo makers knew fuck-all about what rain smelled like in the summer, seeing as how they were probably holed up in their little factory making their little bottles."
"It's time for my alpha dog of the week. This week's alpha dog is Micheal Wiley, who lead police on an eight minute high speed car chase in Florida. Not that impressive until you consider that Wiley is a triple amputee. NO ARMS. I assume he's driving with his balls because he must have a big pair (He might also be shifting with them). This isn't Wiley's first brush with the law either. He also lead police on a 120 mile chase in 1998 and according court records, quote: 'Wiley has stolen a car, kicked a state tropper and attacked his wife headfirst.' Could you imagine the mayhem he could dish out if he had four limbs? He's so mean he doesn't even have friends. According to a long time 'aquaintance', quote: 'Wiley is one of the best drivers I've ever seen in my life, but he's the worst person I've ever met.' Mhmm, that's what I call Handy-Capable." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Show
Alec (my 4 year old brother): Master Jedi Alec can only hug his wife. And Mommy is his wife.
"I'm Canadian. Everyone loves us. We're like the world's gay friend." - Jason Jones, The Daily Show
"Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool." - Almost Famous
"I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did." - Demetri Martin
Jim: Last night on "Trading Spouses," there's... did you see it?
Pam: No, I have a life.
Jim: Interesting, what's that like?
Pam: You should try it some time.
Jim: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?
- The Office
Man: I'm in pain! Nurse, nurse!
Nurse, to herself: Dammit, nigga, I just fucking gave you morphine!
- overheardinnyc.com
Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!
- overheardeverywhere.com
"David looks around, up at the sky and tries to concentrate on the web of stars... Not having depth perception is a funny thing, he knows they're far away but they don't always look so hard to get. Like he could reach his hand up and pull down a couple."
"The shampoo smelled like flowers. The bottle said 'summer rain', but clearly shampoo makers knew fuck-all about what rain smelled like in the summer, seeing as how they were probably holed up in their little factory making their little bottles."
"It's time for my alpha dog of the week. This week's alpha dog is Micheal Wiley, who lead police on an eight minute high speed car chase in Florida. Not that impressive until you consider that Wiley is a triple amputee. NO ARMS. I assume he's driving with his balls because he must have a big pair (He might also be shifting with them). This isn't Wiley's first brush with the law either. He also lead police on a 120 mile chase in 1998 and according court records, quote: 'Wiley has stolen a car, kicked a state tropper and attacked his wife headfirst.' Could you imagine the mayhem he could dish out if he had four limbs? He's so mean he doesn't even have friends. According to a long time 'aquaintance', quote: 'Wiley is one of the best drivers I've ever seen in my life, but he's the worst person I've ever met.' Mhmm, that's what I call Handy-Capable." - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Show