(no subject)
"I believe that everyone else my age is an adult whereas I am merely in disguise." - Margaret Atwood
"Just to be clear, our president-elect called the latest Jay-Z album 'tight'. Never, ever wake me from this dream." - Sacca on Twitter
"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life."
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal
"Aren't you the man who taught me to live every week like it's Shark Week? And that nothing's impossible except for dinosaurs?" - 30 Rock
"You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." - Steven D. Woodhull
"Some argue that reading Twilight is much like eating cake: it seems good at the time, then you go to the mirror to see your disgusting whale-self and expel the contents." - Encyclopedia Dramatica
"I had a stalker while filming a movie in Spain last year. She stood outside of my apartment every day for weeks - all day, every day. I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with her. I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back. People get bored of me in, like, two minutes." - Robert Pattinson
"I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up." - Buddy, 'Elf'
"I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee." - Clark Gable
"There's an odd feeling you get when someone on the sidewalk moves slightly to avoid walking into you. It proves you exist. Your mere existence caused them to alter their path. It's a nice feeling. After you die, no one has to get out of your way anymore." - George Carlin
Stan: Someone has to help Timmy put on his condom.
Timmy: TIMMAY!!!
- Southpark
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." - Vincent van Gogh
"We all have ways of coping. I use sex, and awesomeness." - Jack, '30 Rock'
"Girls don't like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you're good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard." - 9 year old Alec Greven in his book 'How To Talk To Girls'
"Wouldn’t it just rock and roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? Of course that’d be a different universe and something else would probably suck." - Olive Snook, 'Pushing Daisies'
"Just to be clear, our president-elect called the latest Jay-Z album 'tight'. Never, ever wake me from this dream." - Sacca on Twitter
"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life."
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal
"Aren't you the man who taught me to live every week like it's Shark Week? And that nothing's impossible except for dinosaurs?" - 30 Rock
"You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." - Steven D. Woodhull
"Some argue that reading Twilight is much like eating cake: it seems good at the time, then you go to the mirror to see your disgusting whale-self and expel the contents." - Encyclopedia Dramatica
"I had a stalker while filming a movie in Spain last year. She stood outside of my apartment every day for weeks - all day, every day. I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with her. I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back. People get bored of me in, like, two minutes." - Robert Pattinson
"I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up." - Buddy, 'Elf'
"I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee." - Clark Gable
"There's an odd feeling you get when someone on the sidewalk moves slightly to avoid walking into you. It proves you exist. Your mere existence caused them to alter their path. It's a nice feeling. After you die, no one has to get out of your way anymore." - George Carlin
Stan: Someone has to help Timmy put on his condom.
Timmy: TIMMAY!!!
- Southpark
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." - Vincent van Gogh
"We all have ways of coping. I use sex, and awesomeness." - Jack, '30 Rock'
"Girls don't like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you're good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard." - 9 year old Alec Greven in his book 'How To Talk To Girls'
"Wouldn’t it just rock and roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? Of course that’d be a different universe and something else would probably suck." - Olive Snook, 'Pushing Daisies'