with black leather straps
Nothing ever changes.
I don't know how many times I've said it.
My relationships with people are all doomed from the start. I am not sure if it's just me, or maybe it's some sort of divine intervention made to protect the rest of the world from me. That's what it feels like. I always get bored of people, I get angry, lose interest, and I disappear.
It's like I am unable to let go of all of the things that have happened to me, the things I don't talk about. But I think it's probably better that way. Those are all events and circumstances that have made me who I am. I care so much about everybody, I do. I am just so selfish sometimes, so self-righteous it's gross. Neurosis makes me sick and I'm filled with it to the brim. It's always back and forth & up and down. I don't know why I can never really be happy. I can never be a lot of the things I want to be, or never will I do a lot of the things I want to do.
I remember in winter time when things get so desolate feeling. I'd die to feel anything at all. Laying in bed in the middle of the night feeling like I'm going insane and all I can do is put my face, my arms, anything, up against the frostiest window to feel the chill and hoping it'd wake me up or shake things up. Wandering into that basement that I spent far too much time in (that I now wish I'd never seen at all) and running to the bathroom, put the water on as cold as it could get and see how long my hands would last under its icy flow. I could go forever. Nothing changes.
Even when I have every reason to be satisfied I have a million reasons to be contemplative.
I don't know how many times I've said it.
My relationships with people are all doomed from the start. I am not sure if it's just me, or maybe it's some sort of divine intervention made to protect the rest of the world from me. That's what it feels like. I always get bored of people, I get angry, lose interest, and I disappear.
It's like I am unable to let go of all of the things that have happened to me, the things I don't talk about. But I think it's probably better that way. Those are all events and circumstances that have made me who I am. I care so much about everybody, I do. I am just so selfish sometimes, so self-righteous it's gross. Neurosis makes me sick and I'm filled with it to the brim. It's always back and forth & up and down. I don't know why I can never really be happy. I can never be a lot of the things I want to be, or never will I do a lot of the things I want to do.
I remember in winter time when things get so desolate feeling. I'd die to feel anything at all. Laying in bed in the middle of the night feeling like I'm going insane and all I can do is put my face, my arms, anything, up against the frostiest window to feel the chill and hoping it'd wake me up or shake things up. Wandering into that basement that I spent far too much time in (that I now wish I'd never seen at all) and running to the bathroom, put the water on as cold as it could get and see how long my hands would last under its icy flow. I could go forever. Nothing changes.
Even when I have every reason to be satisfied I have a million reasons to be contemplative.