(no subject)
...i'm all over the place. i've let both steph and allyson go enough so that i can be okay with being their friends. steph and i talk once in a while, but she's busy at school. and i totally get that. us talking over break really helped a lot because i was able to see her reasoning behind not talking to me. and it wasn't because she hated me, it was more that she just has an issue with keeping contact with people who aren't always with her. so i was put on the back burner for a while..it's okay now though. allyson and i are working on the friends thing. i know i'm fine with it and i'm pretty sure she is too. we just weren't ready for something...it's not the time or the place now. and just when i learn to let go, i finally opened myself up enough to let something amazing find me. this is the first time i've let myself get to know a person, the good, the bad, and felt myself attracted to every inch of them. kellie and i have connected in ways i never thought possible. she might not see it yet, but i'm going to be with her...i just feel it. she told me last night that she liked me, and i obviously said i felt the same way. she's letting herself go with me..letting herself talk and just say what's on her mind. hugging her felt like the first time i'd ever embraced someone...my heart was beating out of my chest and i was shaking just holding her. she told me she loved when i hugged her..that my hands fit perfectly. i wish i never had to let go of her. with her, things are simple...things make sense. i like her so much already, but i'm not going to let myself fall in love fast the way i did in the past. thats the biggest mistake i made with steph and allyson. i was swept up in my feelings and i said things without thinking or waiting. i wish i had...it means so much more when you wait. just waiting a few days for her to say 'i like you' was enough to make me catch my breath...she's beautiful, and i cant wait for tonight, and every other night where we stay up talking for hours<3