(no subject)
people have always tried to make me do what they want to do. always appearing as the passive, obedient girl, they always realize their mistake after the seventh time. however, this is not it with my mom. i'm sitting in front of this computer shaking, clutching my bruised arm, and gritting my teeth with the pain of bleeding scratches. this is winter break. this is what happens. the only reason it didn't get worse is because i turned things over and made it seem like i was capable of killing her, which mentally i am not. how do i do it? grab a few things and make it seem like i'm about to throw them at her and then yelling at the top of my lungs. after a few minutes of doing this, i go back to passive, obedient me, wishing i was dead and most of all, wishing i could kill my mom as she continues to slap, punch, kick, and scratch me.
although it's not as bad as it used to be and it doesn't happen as often as it should, i still wish that i never softened up in middle school. but then, if i never did, my mom would be dead today.
and don't go running to your mothers or counselors telling on me like this. this is my life and people never think about what could happen after telling. YOU CANNOT FIX MY MOM WITH COUNSELING AND YOU WILL NOT STOP ME FROM GETTING THE BRUISES I'M GETTING NOW. PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW WHAT MY MOM DOES. MY COUSIN, AUNTS, UNCLES, GRANDMA, GRANDPA, DOCTORS, FAMILY FRIENDS. let me tell you why they don't do anything. because they think before they act. what will happen if i told more? my education at spa would discontinue because my parents would spend time at counseling instead of work. i would have no home because they would take me away from my parents. i would have no family because it is a shame to tell your family secrets to others in my culture.
even though it's important to tell in emergencies, that's if your future will get better. SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T AND SOME PEOPLE ARE AS STUPID TO THINK THAT I'M WRONG WHEN I SAY THAT! my mom faked out of counseling after being extremely nice to me for ten days this summer. it was a shock when i found out that she really hadn't changed.
i have two years left. if you go and tell everyone now, you'll ruin my two years. two years might never even come. my brother went through worse and he never had anyone who knew what went on inside the walls of "home". and you know, he's the most intelligent and caring person you'll ever meet. his life didn't get torn apart. but if he told, it would've been.
i'm stronger than you think. i'm not the person you've all met. things change. people change. i've found myself again in the past month and a half. i'll tell you what i've learned.
I DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.
I AM WHO I WANT TO BE.
DON'T YOU DARE SYMPATHIZE FOR ME BECAUSE I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
MY LIFE IS DIFFERENT AND I HANDLE THINGS WITH WAYS THAT ACTUALLY WORK BUT YOU DISAGREE WITH.
and for those who keep calling your parents bitches, go to hell.
although it's not as bad as it used to be and it doesn't happen as often as it should, i still wish that i never softened up in middle school. but then, if i never did, my mom would be dead today.
and don't go running to your mothers or counselors telling on me like this. this is my life and people never think about what could happen after telling. YOU CANNOT FIX MY MOM WITH COUNSELING AND YOU WILL NOT STOP ME FROM GETTING THE BRUISES I'M GETTING NOW. PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW WHAT MY MOM DOES. MY COUSIN, AUNTS, UNCLES, GRANDMA, GRANDPA, DOCTORS, FAMILY FRIENDS. let me tell you why they don't do anything. because they think before they act. what will happen if i told more? my education at spa would discontinue because my parents would spend time at counseling instead of work. i would have no home because they would take me away from my parents. i would have no family because it is a shame to tell your family secrets to others in my culture.
even though it's important to tell in emergencies, that's if your future will get better. SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T AND SOME PEOPLE ARE AS STUPID TO THINK THAT I'M WRONG WHEN I SAY THAT! my mom faked out of counseling after being extremely nice to me for ten days this summer. it was a shock when i found out that she really hadn't changed.
i have two years left. if you go and tell everyone now, you'll ruin my two years. two years might never even come. my brother went through worse and he never had anyone who knew what went on inside the walls of "home". and you know, he's the most intelligent and caring person you'll ever meet. his life didn't get torn apart. but if he told, it would've been.
i'm stronger than you think. i'm not the person you've all met. things change. people change. i've found myself again in the past month and a half. i'll tell you what i've learned.
I DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.
I AM WHO I WANT TO BE.
DON'T YOU DARE SYMPATHIZE FOR ME BECAUSE I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
MY LIFE IS DIFFERENT AND I HANDLE THINGS WITH WAYS THAT ACTUALLY WORK BUT YOU DISAGREE WITH.
and for those who keep calling your parents bitches, go to hell.