How I Almost Lost My Faithful Blue Hat
Yesterday, August 16th 2006, a date which almost lived in infamy, my blue hat was suddenly and deliberately blown off of my head by wind and roller coaster forces of the empire of Six Flags New England... and get this... of all the rides I could have lost it on, I was riding the fucking kiddy coaster, Poison Ivy's tangeled train. Very upset about the recent events, I talked to the large jamaican lady running the ride. Flabbergasted by my story, she offered to attempt a recovery of my hat after the next ride cycle went though. Luckily my hat landed right next to the station. But little did I know her method of recovery was quite absurd. She went a grabbed a 2 foot lond stick and waved it over the hand rail and screamed "I'M SORRY. CAN'T REACH! GO TO GUEST SERVICES!" Unsatisfied with her attempt my peers and I tried for ourselves by reaching under the fence to no avail. Damn. After a few more rides were ridden, we went to guest services. All they could do for me was have me fill out a form and if they found it they would mail it too me. I filled out the form not expecting anything from it. Fuck that shit we were gonna get it ourselves. We enjoyed the rest of the day at the park, then went back to the crime scene, to commit a crime ourselves. The plan: jump the fence and grab that mother fucker from the grasp of the forbidden roller coaster area. Yeah, badass i know. But then before the plan was put into play a security guard started to approach us. Alarmed by his presence, we casually walked away. After a few seconds there was a change of thought. Why don't we just ask the guy to get it for us? We did.... and he did. and it is here, safe and sound on my head where it belongs.