yet another college graduation entry....
I hate writing beginings of journal entries. A lot of times, I'll sit down to write and I type a few sentences, only to erase them of course, but get so annoyed, that I just stop and close out the window. I hate beginings. I think I do, and I'm not just talking about journal entries. There is not one begining to anything that I like. Even the beginings of relationships, not that I've had a truly healthy--nor dictionary definiton relationship. But still, all that wondering and excitement...it's enough to give me a heart attack. I like the part where things get reliable. Where you can depend upon something because you just know. That's a boring way to live life, I suppose.
My therapist was telling me the other day that biochemically anxiety and excitement are the exact same emotion. Our brains fire the same chemical out for both feelings, and the exact same receptors take that chemical in. What makes it feel different is our attitude towards it. I think that's amazing. I'm a little nervous for "the end." But really, that's a lie, I'm a little nervous for "the beginning." And that anxiety is causing me to fear what should be a wonderful end. I've been trying to remember that I control what should be exciting...the unknown can be wonderful rather than terrible. Remember that Jen!
I started putting together my portfolio yesterday, and am continuing today. That's a pain in the ass. Especially as I've heard most employers don't give a damn about it. But, I do what I must to graduate. I had to park on campus yesterday, as I don't have a permit to park I had to go to parking services. Handing over my registration and $5, the clerk was reading over my parking stats (the fact that the last time I bought a permit was last year) I smiled and told her that, in fact, "I'm graduating in April." Then I laughed and was like, "Oh! In three weeks!" Really, two weeks-two days. I can't believe that five years of my life is over. I mean, I'm 22, it's time. But, I suppose I'm allowed to be in awe of that fact.
Well, I'm starved. And I think I need to get working. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! :) Oh, and Pepper, the most clingy cat in the world lately, wishes to say so long too, as she is practically on the keyboard at the moment.
My therapist was telling me the other day that biochemically anxiety and excitement are the exact same emotion. Our brains fire the same chemical out for both feelings, and the exact same receptors take that chemical in. What makes it feel different is our attitude towards it. I think that's amazing. I'm a little nervous for "the end." But really, that's a lie, I'm a little nervous for "the beginning." And that anxiety is causing me to fear what should be a wonderful end. I've been trying to remember that I control what should be exciting...the unknown can be wonderful rather than terrible. Remember that Jen!
I started putting together my portfolio yesterday, and am continuing today. That's a pain in the ass. Especially as I've heard most employers don't give a damn about it. But, I do what I must to graduate. I had to park on campus yesterday, as I don't have a permit to park I had to go to parking services. Handing over my registration and $5, the clerk was reading over my parking stats (the fact that the last time I bought a permit was last year) I smiled and told her that, in fact, "I'm graduating in April." Then I laughed and was like, "Oh! In three weeks!" Really, two weeks-two days. I can't believe that five years of my life is over. I mean, I'm 22, it's time. But, I suppose I'm allowed to be in awe of that fact.
Well, I'm starved. And I think I need to get working. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! :) Oh, and Pepper, the most clingy cat in the world lately, wishes to say so long too, as she is practically on the keyboard at the moment.