THIS IS A TRUE STORY
today i was oficially hit on by a 50 year old gay man.
as i'm changing napkins. i hear a man say behind me "oooooh loook at youuuuu" in that kind of voice reserved for creepy pedophiles eyeing up children at the local park. i turn around and see a balding, gray haired man looking at me through square-framed glasses. about 5'6, and with a beer gut rivaling jim bob the sheep fucker, a usual at tom and jerry's "Wednesday all you can eat Wings"** night.
"Excuse me sir?" i say.
"oh nothing" he giggles.
yes he giggled, apparently its legal for 345lb fat men who are balding to do that..... god knows why..... fucking mike harris. it wouldnt be so bad if it were left at that. but of course, there's more.
he comes out again about 5 minutes later ot buy popcorn.
"how did you do your hairrrr?" he query's as he strokes my arm.
not wanting to be rude, i endure it.
"oh, its easy really. take your hair, and back-comb it, start from the root."
meanwhile it feels as if someone's sucking my balls into my stomach using the new and improved monica lewinsky 5000 vaccum.
"ohhhh, thats interesting. you're an attractive young man aren't youuuuuu?"
At this point i realise tubbo's got a bad habit of drawing out the last word of each scentence.
"if you say so sir" i respond. smile on my face. like a good employee.
he asks me to turn around and i hesitate. i turn, but don't cough.
"oh yess i just love your hair! and that beard! my, my you ARE good lookinggg" and then he winks at me, with a big grin on his face.
i'm actually dumbstruck at this moment.
his friend comes over then.
"sweet jerimiah! i can't take you anywhere can i?!"
"nooooo of course you can't!" he replies jovially, after both of them flash me a smile, they walk away.
I relax. i didn't even realise i had been clenching my ass the entire time. self defense mechanism?
regardless, i go into the bathroom and laugh my ass off. its hilarious. i've been hit on by gay guys my age before. but i as totally unprepared for an old guy. it was ridiculous. the absurdity of the situation overcame me.
i told dave and shane and john. and we joked about it the entire rest of the shift. i impersonated the arm stroking and "how did you do your hair" line on dave. and he actually falls down laughing. never seen that done before.
good times.
**DISCLAIMER**
i do not own tom and jerry's, i wish i did. i'd be a millionaire. also, i made up all you can eat wings on wednesday. and although i'm sure tom and jerry are nice people, they'll probably kill your extended family if you go. hell, i know i would. :P
as i'm changing napkins. i hear a man say behind me "oooooh loook at youuuuu" in that kind of voice reserved for creepy pedophiles eyeing up children at the local park. i turn around and see a balding, gray haired man looking at me through square-framed glasses. about 5'6, and with a beer gut rivaling jim bob the sheep fucker, a usual at tom and jerry's "Wednesday all you can eat Wings"** night.
"Excuse me sir?" i say.
"oh nothing" he giggles.
yes he giggled, apparently its legal for 345lb fat men who are balding to do that..... god knows why..... fucking mike harris. it wouldnt be so bad if it were left at that. but of course, there's more.
he comes out again about 5 minutes later ot buy popcorn.
"how did you do your hairrrr?" he query's as he strokes my arm.
not wanting to be rude, i endure it.
"oh, its easy really. take your hair, and back-comb it, start from the root."
meanwhile it feels as if someone's sucking my balls into my stomach using the new and improved monica lewinsky 5000 vaccum.
"ohhhh, thats interesting. you're an attractive young man aren't youuuuuu?"
At this point i realise tubbo's got a bad habit of drawing out the last word of each scentence.
"if you say so sir" i respond. smile on my face. like a good employee.
he asks me to turn around and i hesitate. i turn, but don't cough.
"oh yess i just love your hair! and that beard! my, my you ARE good lookinggg" and then he winks at me, with a big grin on his face.
i'm actually dumbstruck at this moment.
his friend comes over then.
"sweet jerimiah! i can't take you anywhere can i?!"
"nooooo of course you can't!" he replies jovially, after both of them flash me a smile, they walk away.
I relax. i didn't even realise i had been clenching my ass the entire time. self defense mechanism?
regardless, i go into the bathroom and laugh my ass off. its hilarious. i've been hit on by gay guys my age before. but i as totally unprepared for an old guy. it was ridiculous. the absurdity of the situation overcame me.
i told dave and shane and john. and we joked about it the entire rest of the shift. i impersonated the arm stroking and "how did you do your hair" line on dave. and he actually falls down laughing. never seen that done before.
good times.
**DISCLAIMER**
i do not own tom and jerry's, i wish i did. i'd be a millionaire. also, i made up all you can eat wings on wednesday. and although i'm sure tom and jerry are nice people, they'll probably kill your extended family if you go. hell, i know i would. :P