PHEW! i feel better!
So I feel a little better about all this now. I feel like I have just taken a huge deep breath and it is all clear now. I am still upset, but that is only natural, and I realize that in my earlier entry that I really wasn’t mad, I was just raw and HURT. So I am trying to look on the bright side, b/c that is what I always do , and I have come to realize that none of this mess matters. So what that we are thru for now? It is not a big deal. It is all just words. No matter what they are sayin. Words are inert, dead. How do I know you will ever fully understand? I don’t. And that is ok for now. I hate labels anywayz. Things are just like b4 except not. So we cant use certain words now, so? That will make us expand and open up and talk about different things. I can actually have different convos now that there is a limit on what we can talk about. Really it is ok. And I can try and see what else is out there, just to be fair. Though I can honestly say that I highly doubt I will find anyone worth anything. But I will still try anyway. And I will try to change my mindset to not be so negative on that aspect. What the hell, the truth is I don’t WANT to find anyone else. Which is weird, b/c even after all this, I want to trust him! Or semi-trust him…w/e. I can out wait anyone and anything. And if I am meant to find someone else, then what the hell, I cant change it, so let me embrace it! But hopefully I am not meant for anyone else, but only time will tell. So its funny, b/c I decided last week on a theme for my senior scrapbook and I decided it would be “changes” and lo and behold, look what is at me! Changes out the freakin wahzoo! I guess more crap to add to my memory book…w/e I am dancin’ around the subject…AGAIN. I just wanted to say that I feel better about all this and I know I can get thru it. Lord knows I have been thru harder shit than this. This is nothin’. But it hurts like something bad…real bad. But if I can deal with my home life, then I can deal with any other problem ever presented to me in the course of life. I know I can. Azure says I am so strong and that she admires me for it. So if my best friend is behind me, then I know I will make it thru. Patience is a virtue, and I am glad I have it. Plus strength. Neway, this was a bunch of jibber jabber, and I am sry if you are bored, but I had to get this out b/c it was all muddled in my head, and I thought you deserved an explanation for the previous entry. Tho iono for sure that it needed one, but I just wanted to let you know how I feel now. Later kiddos.