I was tagged on Facebook, now responding in here.
1. "I used to work at a luxury hotel in Waikiki: the best tippers are Italians; the worst are new-money Russians. I served a Japanese gangster once. After getting him settled in his pool chair, I told him, 'If you ever need anything, just come get me.' That's just what we used to say, at that hotel. Anyway, the next day was my day off. Apparently the gangster tore up the place, looking for me to serve him-- he thought he literally was supposed to get me every time he wanted something."
2. I refuse to blog using Facebook's Notes application.
3. "I was leaning against a tree in the park by my house. I came right away, just from the warmth of her mouth. That was the first time I'd gotten a blowjob. I guess it wasn't really a blowjob."
4. "I remember once, for my brother's birthday, my mom made him an owl cake. That was the best cake! An owl cake. Like shaped like an owl!"
5. "That's a screen of an anime I like. Yeah, the girls have cat ears. Yeah, the Japanese are weird."
6. "Back home, I'm the only guy in my family, 'cept for my dad. I used to always go shopping with my mom and my sisters. I got used to waiting around for girls in shopping malls."
7. "I worked as a tutor all through college. Oh, it's a great job, if you want to write. Short hours, you work, like, four hours a day, so you have time to write. My first company ripped me off, though, I think. Fifteen an hour. But if you're good, or if you have experience, you can get at least thirty an hour. Always ask for thirty upfront."
8. "Yeah! I get up at six every morning now, and run. Then I prep for class. I think it really helps! I feel really alert and refreshed! I teach an eight AM section."
9. "I hop in the shower after I've been to the toilet. It feels cleaner that way."
10. "So there was this guy from my church and he used to always try to ask me out-- but we're just friends now, Anthonyyy, don't worryyy-- and he would always make these amaaaazing cookies . . ."
11. "This asshole guy just cuts in front of me-- I guess he didn't check his blind spot; people are so lazy!-- so I had to swerve, to avoid him, you know? And then we started skidding. We went spinning in a full circle across the freeway. The was a moment when we were turned around a hundred and eighty degrees, looking straight on into oncoming traffic. You have no idea what that feeling is. We ended up on the other side. Thankfully no one was hurt. George here barely even reacted. George! God, you have to start caring about something!"
12. "Oh, when I was little, in India, I'd just pee wherever, whenever I needed to go. Once, we were stopped in the middle of traffic and I needed to pee. We just opened the car door-- like out, you know? So it covers? And I just squatted and peed right thre."
13. "I remember going to your house that one year and it snowed. And I remember riding bicycles around in your basement. Don't you remember that?"
14. "My mom told me she and my dad used to have threesomes. I was like, 'MOM! I do NOT need to know that!'"
15. "Bankers, they're crazy. My friend dated this banker guy once and for their third date, he offered to fly her to Paris for the weekend. She was all like, 'Should I go? It'd be so annoying to get a passport' and I was like, 'No! Don't go off to another country where you don't speak the language with some guy you've only known for two weeks! That's fucking stupid!'"
16. I have intentionally left out the instructions to this. You now have three options:
A: Try to figure out what rules I used and follow them.
B: Make up your own rules, using this note as a starting point, and any other notes you find that are similar within the realm of Facebook as your evidence.
C: Cop out and use the official
Instructions.
Tagging
If you recognize yourself in this entry, you're tagged.