to go...or not to go.
so its nine pm, i'm sitting in my dark apartment, having a horrible night, pondering the hardest decision i've ever had to make. it's been a month since i lost my job, and i'm having horrible luck finding a new one. my funds are running lower than they've ever been.
all i've been doing lately is turning it over and over in my head. i made the decision to transfer to oregon state after my prep is finished at mesa. that wouldn't be until summer of 07, considering the fact that i'm a part-timer.
now i'm thinking that i should just take this chance to make the move. i have no job, and if i don't get hired by someone soon, i'm screwed. i could move up there and live worry-free. i could transfer to a jc there until i'm ready for osu. and i wouldn't even have to pay out of state tuition.
but i'm scared out of my mind just thinking about it. why the fuck am i so scared? my only real friend is jennifer. i haven't had any real friends other than jen since i left blythe. so why is it so hard to think that i would have such a hard time moving somewhere new? i'd have my mom, along with heather, cera, my aunt kelly and uncle david. they're probably my favorite family people. i'm sure heather would introduce me to her friends and i could even start riding again. i always wanted to start riding again.
i haven't said anything to jennifer yet because i'm scared of what she will say. all i can think of is the time during freshman year when i told her i was thinking of moving to tehachapi with my mom. she flipped out on me. literally.
i don't know what to do. i really don't. i think i just need someone to tell me that it's alright for me to move. that it's the right decision. because right now, there isn't anyone i can talk to about it. i'm alone on this one. and i hate it more than anything.
all i've been doing lately is turning it over and over in my head. i made the decision to transfer to oregon state after my prep is finished at mesa. that wouldn't be until summer of 07, considering the fact that i'm a part-timer.
now i'm thinking that i should just take this chance to make the move. i have no job, and if i don't get hired by someone soon, i'm screwed. i could move up there and live worry-free. i could transfer to a jc there until i'm ready for osu. and i wouldn't even have to pay out of state tuition.
but i'm scared out of my mind just thinking about it. why the fuck am i so scared? my only real friend is jennifer. i haven't had any real friends other than jen since i left blythe. so why is it so hard to think that i would have such a hard time moving somewhere new? i'd have my mom, along with heather, cera, my aunt kelly and uncle david. they're probably my favorite family people. i'm sure heather would introduce me to her friends and i could even start riding again. i always wanted to start riding again.
i haven't said anything to jennifer yet because i'm scared of what she will say. all i can think of is the time during freshman year when i told her i was thinking of moving to tehachapi with my mom. she flipped out on me. literally.
i don't know what to do. i really don't. i think i just need someone to tell me that it's alright for me to move. that it's the right decision. because right now, there isn't anyone i can talk to about it. i'm alone on this one. and i hate it more than anything.