Moral: Post to Livejournal more than facebook...
September 21st, 2008
For some reason lately, I have felt the need to be embraced. For the first time, I have in a need for hugs. It is a strange sensation, because I didn’t even like hugs… until recently. Now, I feel they are necessary for me to feel complete every day. It feels as if I am weakening, losing everything I have built up in the past few years. Or maybe, I am growing… Perhaps I am finally learning how to open myself up and be free.
A favorite Andrea Gibson quote of mine is “I am living today as someone who I had not yet become yesterday. And tonight I will barrow only pieces of who I was today to carry with me to tomorrow.” I am learning to “embrace” (a.k.a. the word of the day) that quote. It just makes so much sense. I do like where I am going with my life and with who I am. I am starting to ask for help and advice. It is amazing how much people want to help out. We are all learning from each other all the time. We just have to open up our eyes to take in all that is useful to us.
Currently, I am reading a book, “Acting: The First Six Lessons”, by Richard Boleslavsky. I have only read the first chapter and a half. This book is enforcing where I am now as an actor and teaching me where I need to go. I want to develop at faster pace than what I currently am at. There are so many opportunities around me and I need to learn to take FULL advantage of them. I want to start sitting in on more rehearsals for graduate shows and perhaps even shows in the community. They always say the best way to learn is to watch. I feel watching a full run thru and then listening to the notes the director gives the actors will help me develop tremendously.
I have been working on The Heidi Chronicles, helping out with the quick changes and doing a lot of costume work. Typically I hate doing stagehand work, but I am enjoying doing it for this show, because not only is the cast talented and fun to work with, they are smart and supportive. I am learning so much from just listening and observing. I am doing this everywhere I go. I just want to keep growing. I want to succeed; I want to make noticeable progress.
In a sense, I have been waiting for someone to take me under their wing. Teach me all I know, so that I can get out in the world to perform and have great success. What I needed was to take myself under my own wing… I needed to take charge, to take in everything, and then ask for more. So, here I am, doing just that.
I just read the play My Name is Rachael Corrie. It is a one women show based off the writing of activist Rachael Corrie. Reading her words, I was very touched about how someone could care so much about all of the horror in the world. I am oblivious to so much of what is going on in the world; it is absolutely horrible. I desperately need to work expanding my knowledge. I need to care more. I am trying to be more passionate about things I don’t really care about, things that don’t really affect me.
Lately, it’s been so hard. I’ve been having a lot of terrible nightmares. I have a terrible fear that something bad is going to happen really soon. It is going to be life altering. It is the worst feeling and I’ve essentially had it since I’ve started school this year. It grows worse every day. What’s going to happen? Is close friend or myself going to get hit with a stray bullet? Maybe I have a brain tumor? Is a family member going to die a horrible death? I’m horrified. This feeling is constantly haunting me. I feel I have so much I need to write before whatever happens, because I feel for a period of time I’m going to lose everything I have gained recently.
Goodness, I am so selfish. The only thing I truly need and want in my life is theatre. Family, friends, and school all take a backseat to theatre. Maybe I’m scared because I’m finding myself to care about more things. I am sharing my focus with other aspects. I still yearn every day to be in the rehearsal process of a show that I am actually acting in. I might be hurting because I don’t have that currently. I don’t have anything to put all my thoughts and time into. Rather than just getting depressed like I did last year, I am just taking more out of everything that I see. Perhaps I’m scared by that…
Either way, I just really want someone to snuggle with at night… or at least many hugs until I can overcome the fear that is beckoning me.
Moral of the story: Embrace me as I embrace the world. (It’s scary and when things get scary we need someone to hold us.)
For some reason lately, I have felt the need to be embraced. For the first time, I have in a need for hugs. It is a strange sensation, because I didn’t even like hugs… until recently. Now, I feel they are necessary for me to feel complete every day. It feels as if I am weakening, losing everything I have built up in the past few years. Or maybe, I am growing… Perhaps I am finally learning how to open myself up and be free.
A favorite Andrea Gibson quote of mine is “I am living today as someone who I had not yet become yesterday. And tonight I will barrow only pieces of who I was today to carry with me to tomorrow.” I am learning to “embrace” (a.k.a. the word of the day) that quote. It just makes so much sense. I do like where I am going with my life and with who I am. I am starting to ask for help and advice. It is amazing how much people want to help out. We are all learning from each other all the time. We just have to open up our eyes to take in all that is useful to us.
Currently, I am reading a book, “Acting: The First Six Lessons”, by Richard Boleslavsky. I have only read the first chapter and a half. This book is enforcing where I am now as an actor and teaching me where I need to go. I want to develop at faster pace than what I currently am at. There are so many opportunities around me and I need to learn to take FULL advantage of them. I want to start sitting in on more rehearsals for graduate shows and perhaps even shows in the community. They always say the best way to learn is to watch. I feel watching a full run thru and then listening to the notes the director gives the actors will help me develop tremendously.
I have been working on The Heidi Chronicles, helping out with the quick changes and doing a lot of costume work. Typically I hate doing stagehand work, but I am enjoying doing it for this show, because not only is the cast talented and fun to work with, they are smart and supportive. I am learning so much from just listening and observing. I am doing this everywhere I go. I just want to keep growing. I want to succeed; I want to make noticeable progress.
In a sense, I have been waiting for someone to take me under their wing. Teach me all I know, so that I can get out in the world to perform and have great success. What I needed was to take myself under my own wing… I needed to take charge, to take in everything, and then ask for more. So, here I am, doing just that.
I just read the play My Name is Rachael Corrie. It is a one women show based off the writing of activist Rachael Corrie. Reading her words, I was very touched about how someone could care so much about all of the horror in the world. I am oblivious to so much of what is going on in the world; it is absolutely horrible. I desperately need to work expanding my knowledge. I need to care more. I am trying to be more passionate about things I don’t really care about, things that don’t really affect me.
Lately, it’s been so hard. I’ve been having a lot of terrible nightmares. I have a terrible fear that something bad is going to happen really soon. It is going to be life altering. It is the worst feeling and I’ve essentially had it since I’ve started school this year. It grows worse every day. What’s going to happen? Is close friend or myself going to get hit with a stray bullet? Maybe I have a brain tumor? Is a family member going to die a horrible death? I’m horrified. This feeling is constantly haunting me. I feel I have so much I need to write before whatever happens, because I feel for a period of time I’m going to lose everything I have gained recently.
Goodness, I am so selfish. The only thing I truly need and want in my life is theatre. Family, friends, and school all take a backseat to theatre. Maybe I’m scared because I’m finding myself to care about more things. I am sharing my focus with other aspects. I still yearn every day to be in the rehearsal process of a show that I am actually acting in. I might be hurting because I don’t have that currently. I don’t have anything to put all my thoughts and time into. Rather than just getting depressed like I did last year, I am just taking more out of everything that I see. Perhaps I’m scared by that…
Either way, I just really want someone to snuggle with at night… or at least many hugs until I can overcome the fear that is beckoning me.
Moral of the story: Embrace me as I embrace the world. (It’s scary and when things get scary we need someone to hold us.)