I do I feel? Word vomit begins...
It's funny really. Not ha ha funny, but funny in a way that I am experiencing life in a way that I've always known was coming. I've always known my placement in life and the relationships I have created. I know I love in a way that I want to be loved. I know my loyalty stands strong. I know that reciprocation is deeply ingrained. I know that I have loved and lost. I know that I will fight before all is lost. Some of the most important relationships I have have been with my male counterparts. It all brings me back to the words my mother spoke to me when I was young(er) and they still continue the way I live my life. She said, "Bekki, it's always better to be the girl friend, than the girlfriend."
I've been fortunate to have lived my life by those words. I've never had too many complaints about my lack of boyfriends and lovers. I have enjoyed being known as the girl who could always keep up with the boys. I pride myself with being able to argue and prove the fact that women and men CAN be strictly platonic. I feel it is one of my own ways in keeping a positive affect on feminism. I am able to be the voice of reason for my boys when they question the motives of women. I am able to smack them with a good dose of tough love when they treat the ladies in their lives unfairly. In vice versa fashion, I believed I would in turn help the women in their lives to understand how my friends fears, insecurities, and loyalty show up to fight for the love they so richly deserve.
It's unfortunate that there aren't more women like me. I don't say that in a "superior" fashion. I mean that I'm beginning to realize that I don't understand women that don't experience things the way I do. I understand that because of my lack of "boyfriends" I must be blinded by some sort of insecurity that involves breakups. I have been hurt from the ones I have loved, but that doesn't involve my distrust on anyone except that person and myself. I don't hold the baggage of "since this happened, it's bound to happen again". Every one of my relationships is different and I choose to treat them as such.
My point being is, I am not a threat. I'm tired of other women using me as a way to displace their own insecurities. If you don't trust the man in your life, that has nothing to do with me. I know who I am. I am honest, straight, and to the point. If you believe that I want your boyfriend, husband, significant other, or some random dude you may slightly be interested in breeding with after a drunken night at the bar, you are sadly mistaken. I want and deserve a quality man who loves his family and friends (whether they are male or female) as much as I do. I want a man that I am passionate about and sexually attracted to. This man is not one of my bros, buds, dudes, brothers from another mother, and certainly NOT in a relationship. I won't apologize for the bonds I have with the men I have in my life. As far as I know, they love me as a friend in a beautiful, trustful, amazing way that I will always cherish. And it insults me if it is questioned otherwise.
I've been fortunate to have lived my life by those words. I've never had too many complaints about my lack of boyfriends and lovers. I have enjoyed being known as the girl who could always keep up with the boys. I pride myself with being able to argue and prove the fact that women and men CAN be strictly platonic. I feel it is one of my own ways in keeping a positive affect on feminism. I am able to be the voice of reason for my boys when they question the motives of women. I am able to smack them with a good dose of tough love when they treat the ladies in their lives unfairly. In vice versa fashion, I believed I would in turn help the women in their lives to understand how my friends fears, insecurities, and loyalty show up to fight for the love they so richly deserve.
It's unfortunate that there aren't more women like me. I don't say that in a "superior" fashion. I mean that I'm beginning to realize that I don't understand women that don't experience things the way I do. I understand that because of my lack of "boyfriends" I must be blinded by some sort of insecurity that involves breakups. I have been hurt from the ones I have loved, but that doesn't involve my distrust on anyone except that person and myself. I don't hold the baggage of "since this happened, it's bound to happen again". Every one of my relationships is different and I choose to treat them as such.
My point being is, I am not a threat. I'm tired of other women using me as a way to displace their own insecurities. If you don't trust the man in your life, that has nothing to do with me. I know who I am. I am honest, straight, and to the point. If you believe that I want your boyfriend, husband, significant other, or some random dude you may slightly be interested in breeding with after a drunken night at the bar, you are sadly mistaken. I want and deserve a quality man who loves his family and friends (whether they are male or female) as much as I do. I want a man that I am passionate about and sexually attracted to. This man is not one of my bros, buds, dudes, brothers from another mother, and certainly NOT in a relationship. I won't apologize for the bonds I have with the men I have in my life. As far as I know, they love me as a friend in a beautiful, trustful, amazing way that I will always cherish. And it insults me if it is questioned otherwise.