Let's talk about sex (or at least think about it)
WARNING: There may, in fact, be more than you actually wanted to know about me in this post. If frank, open discussion about my own personal sexual nature and experiences is going to offend you or trigger you, please don't read this post.
With Mercury being in retrograde, it's time to rethink, re-evaluate, and re-examine things. To try and look backward with the perfect 20/20 vision of hindsight, and put old thoughts and actions into a new perspective.
Over the past few days and weeks, things have happened that prompt me to look at my own thoughts about sex, specifically, and relationships, in general. That process started with the realizations I made in a friend locked post. This one I am going to leave open to all, though I will screen all comments. I realize that for some, this subject is either taboo, or triggering, and I have no desire to see what I wish to be a frank, open dialogue devolve into pointless bickering.
This will also likely get a little long, which is why I am putting it behind a cut.
I'm not entirely sure where to begin.
I used to have a lot of guilt and charge around sex, because of my upbringing. I was told that, outside of marriage, sex was sinful and unnatural, and that even masturbation was a form of degredation. My father once told me that having sex or masturbating before marriage made the initial experience of sex with your married partner less special, less sacred. When I was told all this, something didn't exactly sit right with me. Some niggling little bit of my mind wouldn't allow these ideas to fully take root. It took me almost two years away from the Mormon church to sort it out.
The first thing I realized after getting out of the programming, is that sex, when you get right down to it, is above all natural. Not sinful, not degrading, but an absolutely natural and vital part of being alive. Every multi-celled living thing on the planet has some form of sexual drive, if only for the purposes of procreation. Yes, that includes plants, and if you don't believe me, read a biology book, why dontcha. When I thought about this, I could not reconcile the fact that an utterly natural process, something so absolutely vital and instinctual, could be evil or wrong, even outside of marriage.
The next thing I realized was that this drive, this utterly natural part of living, was a part of me as well.
Don't get me wrong, I had masturbated before I left the Mormon church. But every time I did, I was left feeling guilty, and somehow polluted, because that's what my programming told me I should feel. I am, at this point, beyond that programming, but it wasn't easy to put it behind me, and there are still times when I feel guilty for being a human, i.e. a sexual creature.
In point of fact, recent studies have shown that, specifically for guys who have gone through puberty, a regular sex life is not only healthy, but preventative. Guys who orgasm, specifically to ejaculation, on a regular basis, are half as likely to develop prostrate cancer. Simply put, gumming up the works by not releasing what's been building up is not healthy for guys.
I had to abandon the idea that sex, in and of itself, was sinful or wrong, in any instance.
But, perhaps my own personal feelings about it are not so broad.
Recently, I was told by a friend that they could see themselves sleeping with (read: have sex with) anyone they at least cared about and called a friend. I was also told, by someone else close to me, that she would be perfectly alright with she and I in a "friends with benefits" scenario. No, I won't reveal who these people are.
I wasn't entirely sure what to think, about either statement.
For me, up until very recently, sex and love were all tangled up in the same jumble, I was literally incapable of sex without love, though love without sex is still very easy for me.
Now, I have absolutely no moral problem with people who have sex without love, so long as it is safe, sane, and done with informed consent. That isn't the question I'm really trying to explore here.
What I am thinking about is if I can. Am I capable of having sex without love, without a relationship?
If honestly answered, I have to say yes.
However, do I WANT to?
That's the bit I can't answer yet. I am still hurting, still grieving the loss of a very long term, very intense relationship.
I'm not sure I'm ready to ponder this quite yet. I'll put in in the back of my subconscious, and let it work itself out.
With Mercury being in retrograde, it's time to rethink, re-evaluate, and re-examine things. To try and look backward with the perfect 20/20 vision of hindsight, and put old thoughts and actions into a new perspective.
Over the past few days and weeks, things have happened that prompt me to look at my own thoughts about sex, specifically, and relationships, in general. That process started with the realizations I made in a friend locked post. This one I am going to leave open to all, though I will screen all comments. I realize that for some, this subject is either taboo, or triggering, and I have no desire to see what I wish to be a frank, open dialogue devolve into pointless bickering.
This will also likely get a little long, which is why I am putting it behind a cut.
I'm not entirely sure where to begin.
I used to have a lot of guilt and charge around sex, because of my upbringing. I was told that, outside of marriage, sex was sinful and unnatural, and that even masturbation was a form of degredation. My father once told me that having sex or masturbating before marriage made the initial experience of sex with your married partner less special, less sacred. When I was told all this, something didn't exactly sit right with me. Some niggling little bit of my mind wouldn't allow these ideas to fully take root. It took me almost two years away from the Mormon church to sort it out.
The first thing I realized after getting out of the programming, is that sex, when you get right down to it, is above all natural. Not sinful, not degrading, but an absolutely natural and vital part of being alive. Every multi-celled living thing on the planet has some form of sexual drive, if only for the purposes of procreation. Yes, that includes plants, and if you don't believe me, read a biology book, why dontcha. When I thought about this, I could not reconcile the fact that an utterly natural process, something so absolutely vital and instinctual, could be evil or wrong, even outside of marriage.
The next thing I realized was that this drive, this utterly natural part of living, was a part of me as well.
Don't get me wrong, I had masturbated before I left the Mormon church. But every time I did, I was left feeling guilty, and somehow polluted, because that's what my programming told me I should feel. I am, at this point, beyond that programming, but it wasn't easy to put it behind me, and there are still times when I feel guilty for being a human, i.e. a sexual creature.
In point of fact, recent studies have shown that, specifically for guys who have gone through puberty, a regular sex life is not only healthy, but preventative. Guys who orgasm, specifically to ejaculation, on a regular basis, are half as likely to develop prostrate cancer. Simply put, gumming up the works by not releasing what's been building up is not healthy for guys.
I had to abandon the idea that sex, in and of itself, was sinful or wrong, in any instance.
But, perhaps my own personal feelings about it are not so broad.
Recently, I was told by a friend that they could see themselves sleeping with (read: have sex with) anyone they at least cared about and called a friend. I was also told, by someone else close to me, that she would be perfectly alright with she and I in a "friends with benefits" scenario. No, I won't reveal who these people are.
I wasn't entirely sure what to think, about either statement.
For me, up until very recently, sex and love were all tangled up in the same jumble, I was literally incapable of sex without love, though love without sex is still very easy for me.
Now, I have absolutely no moral problem with people who have sex without love, so long as it is safe, sane, and done with informed consent. That isn't the question I'm really trying to explore here.
What I am thinking about is if I can. Am I capable of having sex without love, without a relationship?
If honestly answered, I have to say yes.
However, do I WANT to?
That's the bit I can't answer yet. I am still hurting, still grieving the loss of a very long term, very intense relationship.
I'm not sure I'm ready to ponder this quite yet. I'll put in in the back of my subconscious, and let it work itself out.