Allies, Part 2

Nov 04, 2011 21:42

Continued from part one.

Part two! )

white collar, fic, writing

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Comments 48

love_82 November 5 2011, 04:28:04 UTC
I loved this story. It was great. Satchmo fetching things was so sweet.

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imbecamiel November 9 2011, 03:55:45 UTC
Thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. I have such a soft spot for Satch - when alone_dreaming mentioned him among her "likes" I knew I was gonna have to find a way to include him. ^.^

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kriadydragon November 5 2011, 04:35:05 UTC
That was brilliant! I loved Neal using his gifted people skills to form a rapport with the gunman, with Peter and Neal using Neal getting shot to get everyone out unharmed, and adored Neal training Satchmo (adorable!) You even made my sympathize with the gunman a little. Excellent, just excellent, (and I was quite surprised that you said it wasn't beta'd. I couldn't tell at all, and I'm not just saying that).

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imbecamiel November 9 2011, 05:41:55 UTC
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it. :D As much fun as it can be to be... vicariously bold and outgoing, good at working with/persuading people, I always struggle writing characters who are so opposite to me. So I'm particularly glad that aspect worked for you! (And whew, it is such a relief to hear that there weren't a bunch of blatant issues in it, especially since I know you've got an eye for these things. :3)

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swanpride November 5 2011, 09:48:56 UTC
Lol! Perhaps I have a strange sense of humor, but I was grinning the whole time - all those policemen saying "That Neal Caffrey?", the gunman being totally anxious about Neal's health - that was made out of sooo much win.

And now I really want to read more about your OC's. What did they think when they learned that Neal is with the FBI? Is the romance blossoming? I hope we see some of them again in later stories of yours.

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imbecamiel November 9 2011, 05:47:16 UTC
Hehe, thank you so much! I was actually a little worried toward the end that I hadn't managed to intersperse enough lighter moments with the narrative, so I'm very glad that it made you grin.

Ooo, now there's a thought. I actually hadn't considered reusing any of the OCs, but it's entirely possible that they'll come in handy in a future story. I'm glad that you wouldn't mind hearing more about them! :D

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scarvenartist November 5 2011, 15:55:02 UTC
Heheheh, I just love nonchalant!Neal, conspiratorial Neal in the beginning, playing all twisty with the gunman. *bg* Just so terribly fun, seeing him play the hostage situation.

And the bakery's "customers held at gunpoint policy" Cracked. Me. Up. *snerk* As well as Farrel's sudden change of heart the instant he actually shoots somebody. (Gotta love a pathetic gunman.... *g*)

Wonderfully fun, mellon-nin--I really enjoyed it!

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imbecamiel November 10 2011, 06:13:34 UTC
:D Oh yay, I'm so glad you liked it! LOL, Neal in general tends to be so... totally the opposite of my own personality an instincts, it can be both fun and really, really hard to get inside his head and figure out what he'd say or do.

And heee, I'm glad it made you laugh! I do seem to have a thing for somewhat pathetic "bad guys"... but somehow they're awfully fun. *g*

Thank you so much, gwathel! *hugs*

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sholio November 6 2011, 01:30:20 UTC
Oh, this was a lot of fun. :) Very well-developed plot, enjoyable OCs, and lovely interactions between Neal & Peter. (The bit with Peter ruffling Neal's hair before he passes out kinda undid me; so sweet, but in a very low-key, very them sort of way.)

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imbecamiel November 11 2011, 04:53:35 UTC
:D I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

(And I'm especially happy that you enjoyed the part with Peter ruffling Neal's hair. I always melt a bit when I watch that bit in Vital Signs when he rests his hand on Neal's head for a second before heading off, and... I just could not resist including something similar.)

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