(no subject)
So Saturday I spent 7 hours in a workshop about Atlantic slavery and the natural and built environments. While it actually proved to be more interesting than it sounded, it was also incredibly uncomfortable.
The thing was, my professor from last semester (and I will have him again next semester) invited me. But I don't really know why, because I was the ONLY undergraduate there. In fact, the workshop consisted of three groups of people: internationally renowned scholars, Ph.D students, and me. That's right, there weren't even any masters students.
Moreover, there were only maybe 15 people and we all sat around a conference table. As if we were all supposed to equal. (Ha) Then, after each section of lecture they had this interactive discussion. So it wasn't even like a regular lecture where I could just sit and listen. Oh no, we were supposed to participate. Yet, how was I to participate? I wasn't qualified to put in my two cents. So I just sat there feeling uncomfortable and undeserving.
AND THEN, if you please... at the lunch break my professor introduced me to this guy on whose article I wrote ten page critique. AND THEN HE LEFT ME ALONE WITH HIM TO DISCUSS IT. Is that a joke? For real? How can I really discuss my critique of his stuff. He's an internationally known sociologist. I'm fucking 19 years old and have taken a total of THREE sociology courses (one of which is still in progress). And yet, here was Tomich talking up my paper to him, and I have to somehow converse with him on an equal footing? I don't think so. God Tomich, what were you thinking?
I suppose I'm glad that Tomich thought enough of me to invite me to this thing. I guess he thought I was equal to it. And that's flattering. But for real, it scared the living day-lights out of me.
On the other hand, it was really exciting to hear some superb discourse for once, rather than the crap I have to endure in class. I mean this was really interesting high level stuff, and even though I felt unequal, it spurred some really interesting thoughts on my part, and was kind of exciting in that way. At a couple of moments, I even came close to saying something, only to have someone else say it. Which I suppose is a good sign... I mean, if I was unqualified to share my opinion, it was at least nice to have my opinions legitimized by someone who was.
In conclusion, I can't really decide how I felt about my Saturday. It was uncomfortable certainly, but strangely gratifying. It made me consider academics as a career again. If I were a professor or a PhD student, I think I may have enjoyed myself quite a bit.
The thing was, my professor from last semester (and I will have him again next semester) invited me. But I don't really know why, because I was the ONLY undergraduate there. In fact, the workshop consisted of three groups of people: internationally renowned scholars, Ph.D students, and me. That's right, there weren't even any masters students.
Moreover, there were only maybe 15 people and we all sat around a conference table. As if we were all supposed to equal. (Ha) Then, after each section of lecture they had this interactive discussion. So it wasn't even like a regular lecture where I could just sit and listen. Oh no, we were supposed to participate. Yet, how was I to participate? I wasn't qualified to put in my two cents. So I just sat there feeling uncomfortable and undeserving.
AND THEN, if you please... at the lunch break my professor introduced me to this guy on whose article I wrote ten page critique. AND THEN HE LEFT ME ALONE WITH HIM TO DISCUSS IT. Is that a joke? For real? How can I really discuss my critique of his stuff. He's an internationally known sociologist. I'm fucking 19 years old and have taken a total of THREE sociology courses (one of which is still in progress). And yet, here was Tomich talking up my paper to him, and I have to somehow converse with him on an equal footing? I don't think so. God Tomich, what were you thinking?
I suppose I'm glad that Tomich thought enough of me to invite me to this thing. I guess he thought I was equal to it. And that's flattering. But for real, it scared the living day-lights out of me.
On the other hand, it was really exciting to hear some superb discourse for once, rather than the crap I have to endure in class. I mean this was really interesting high level stuff, and even though I felt unequal, it spurred some really interesting thoughts on my part, and was kind of exciting in that way. At a couple of moments, I even came close to saying something, only to have someone else say it. Which I suppose is a good sign... I mean, if I was unqualified to share my opinion, it was at least nice to have my opinions legitimized by someone who was.
In conclusion, I can't really decide how I felt about my Saturday. It was uncomfortable certainly, but strangely gratifying. It made me consider academics as a career again. If I were a professor or a PhD student, I think I may have enjoyed myself quite a bit.