Meanwhile...(part 2)
It was a long time that Ruby sat on the riverbank in the soft twilight. If that's even who she was anymore. Names, identities, they mattered so little here. She was everyone and no one, and names didn't really concern her.
She knew, though, that she wasn't either of the people whose names she carried. She wasn't Emma anymore. That had been years ago, in a life she barely remembered. A hard life. A sad life. A life that ended tragically and forced her soul into great evil. It was who she had been before the darkness came, the darkness that changed her forever.
But she wasn't Ruby, either. Ruby had been a Vegas stripper she'd possessed the first time she'd left Hell. It had been the early 1980's, and she'd had big hair, big make-up and very small clothes. The girl hadn't died, she remembered that, but other than that she didn't remember what had happened to her.
Who was she, then?
She pondered the question for a moment, her eyes watching the dark water. The song from earlier filled her mind, and filled her with peace. Memories of the light, and the billions of other songs gave her warmth, and almost a sense of belonging.
There were things she did know.
She was in love, for instance. Not the kind of love that was fleeting, or false. Not the kind of love you heard about in news stories with petty jealousies and violence. Not the kind of love she thought she'd felt for Sam Winchester, full of guilt, lies and half-truths. No, she was in love, in the true meaning of the word. She loved the man with a fierceness, with a completeness, with a hunger and a tenderness that exceeded any other emotion she had ever felt. It was a love that had followed her even here, to the shores of this dark river, in the starless twilight. She ached with it, burned from it, and even in the peaceful half-darkness, she worried for him. Had he survived the evil that had overtaken him? She did not see him here, and something in her told her that when he came here, they would not be apart.
She knew also that he loved her. She trusted in this fact enough that there had been no jealousies, even when she had been with him, and his profession had included the sharing of intimacies with others. It had never bothered her, because she had known for some time that his heart was hers as completely as hers was his.
He would be saddened that she was here. She wished that she could hold him, smooth his hair out of his face, cradle him against her as she had before. She could feel his warmth, smell that scent that belonged only to him, hear his words in that accent that had become so dear to her...She closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of grief hit her at the realization that she could not hold him...not ever again.
She squeezed her eyes tight, clenching her fists against the pain.
But in that moment, a profound reality hit her.
Love was Truth.
Here, at the end, she felt neither anger, nor jealousy, nor fear. Such petty human emotions seemed to die when one was here, leaving only that one feeling that was stronger than all others, that overwhelmed, that consumed, that was the only one that mattered: Love.
To love another person is to see the face of God...
The words from some musical or another sang through her mind, and she smiled sadly at the realization. For so many years she had thought of God as the enemy. She had thought of God as cruel, vindictive, hateful. A complicated and righteous mass of Good that wished only to destroy her, and all like her.
She hadn't understood.
God was love.
And he hadn't wanted to destroy her, he had simply wished to love her. To brush the hate away, to hold her against his breast as she wished to hold her Robin. And she had been unable to accept it. After years of pain, she hadn't known how to open herself to love, to light. She had only understood darkness, and feared anything else. Until her Robin had touched her heart, and showed her the way.
Tears fell, and whether they were happy or sad, she could not be certain.
She looked up at the empty sky, and she prayed. She prayed for her soul, for Robin's. It didn't matter that their worlds were different. The light, the love, the song, it didn't care to which God you prayed. It just loved.
She knew, though, that she wasn't either of the people whose names she carried. She wasn't Emma anymore. That had been years ago, in a life she barely remembered. A hard life. A sad life. A life that ended tragically and forced her soul into great evil. It was who she had been before the darkness came, the darkness that changed her forever.
But she wasn't Ruby, either. Ruby had been a Vegas stripper she'd possessed the first time she'd left Hell. It had been the early 1980's, and she'd had big hair, big make-up and very small clothes. The girl hadn't died, she remembered that, but other than that she didn't remember what had happened to her.
Who was she, then?
She pondered the question for a moment, her eyes watching the dark water. The song from earlier filled her mind, and filled her with peace. Memories of the light, and the billions of other songs gave her warmth, and almost a sense of belonging.
There were things she did know.
She was in love, for instance. Not the kind of love that was fleeting, or false. Not the kind of love you heard about in news stories with petty jealousies and violence. Not the kind of love she thought she'd felt for Sam Winchester, full of guilt, lies and half-truths. No, she was in love, in the true meaning of the word. She loved the man with a fierceness, with a completeness, with a hunger and a tenderness that exceeded any other emotion she had ever felt. It was a love that had followed her even here, to the shores of this dark river, in the starless twilight. She ached with it, burned from it, and even in the peaceful half-darkness, she worried for him. Had he survived the evil that had overtaken him? She did not see him here, and something in her told her that when he came here, they would not be apart.
She knew also that he loved her. She trusted in this fact enough that there had been no jealousies, even when she had been with him, and his profession had included the sharing of intimacies with others. It had never bothered her, because she had known for some time that his heart was hers as completely as hers was his.
He would be saddened that she was here. She wished that she could hold him, smooth his hair out of his face, cradle him against her as she had before. She could feel his warmth, smell that scent that belonged only to him, hear his words in that accent that had become so dear to her...She closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of grief hit her at the realization that she could not hold him...not ever again.
She squeezed her eyes tight, clenching her fists against the pain.
But in that moment, a profound reality hit her.
Love was Truth.
Here, at the end, she felt neither anger, nor jealousy, nor fear. Such petty human emotions seemed to die when one was here, leaving only that one feeling that was stronger than all others, that overwhelmed, that consumed, that was the only one that mattered: Love.
To love another person is to see the face of God...
The words from some musical or another sang through her mind, and she smiled sadly at the realization. For so many years she had thought of God as the enemy. She had thought of God as cruel, vindictive, hateful. A complicated and righteous mass of Good that wished only to destroy her, and all like her.
She hadn't understood.
God was love.
And he hadn't wanted to destroy her, he had simply wished to love her. To brush the hate away, to hold her against his breast as she wished to hold her Robin. And she had been unable to accept it. After years of pain, she hadn't known how to open herself to love, to light. She had only understood darkness, and feared anything else. Until her Robin had touched her heart, and showed her the way.
Tears fell, and whether they were happy or sad, she could not be certain.
She looked up at the empty sky, and she prayed. She prayed for her soul, for Robin's. It didn't matter that their worlds were different. The light, the love, the song, it didn't care to which God you prayed. It just loved.