my last dxm trip
this may read like a police report but it is my life as of late yesterday afternoon to now. Around 3 i had obtained the sum of 5 bottles containing robotussin cough gels. I poroceeded to take three bottles within the span of 30 mins with the in6tent of saving the other two for this aftewrnoon. Somewhere during the night my dad caught on to me being under the influence and with me denying him to any information as to what i was on he proceeded to tear my room apart, throwing my full drawers across the room and so on. When he failed to find and narcotics, he left my room but not without verbally abusing me to the extent that i could do nothing but lie on the ground crying gasping for air. I was lost . I proceeded to take the other two bottles with the intent of either killing myself or seriousely hutring myself, as a way to make my dad pay. So my total pill consumption was at 100 4o more thsan i had ever taken during a day, much less a 3 hour span. Now here is where i lose track of what happened. Somewhere along the lines i told my dad what i was on, and after being watched for a few hours i was driven to the emergency room.I was totally incoherent and delusional. My eyes were totally white and illusionally looked to be bleeding from their perimeters. my arms were full of IV's and i coulden't give them a urine sample although ive never tried to piss so hard oin my life so they gave me a catheter, the most wierd feeling i just can't shake the thought of it, my whole body was shaking like i was being shocked for like 30 secs. After being in the emergewncy room for like 3 hours i was taken to intensive care where i stayed the night till 1 o clock this afternoon. I could not sleep hooked up to the iv's and the machine kept taking my blood pressure anmd whenever i bent my left arm the machine started to beep because the iv was being crimped so i had to keep my arm straightr, it was like giving blood only liquid was going into me which made me piss all the time. My rom was also warm , which made sleeping even harder. Then they moved me to another room where i they told me my plood had i don't even remember but another hallucinogen in it which made no sence to me, and a psychologist diagnosed me with depressiomn and wanted to keep me another night, thus forcing me to sign myself out against the doctor's orders. LAst night cost thye same as a semester at college and i have no insurance so don't know what im going to do. I guess what im tryong to say is if i seem more depressed than usual for now on it's because ive lost my escape and i don't think i have what it takes to be there for anyone in my life the way that they need me to be.