(no subject)
The mornings are so incredibly hard for me. I don't understand why. I wake up in plenty of time, I get dressed and ready in plenty of time, but... its something. More like I just want to sit down and cry every morning I wake up. I'm alone you know. I almost hope wish and pray that someone would be there with me when I wake up... even though I don't care that no one is there when I go to bed at night. I don't even mean someone being there as like a boyfriend in my bed... I mean like in the house. Or even in my life. The worst part is I blame myself for all of this. It is just aweful. The worst thing is.. the highlight of my day, every day... is 2:45 when I go into the Auditorium and talk to Joe for 20 to 30 minutes. He is the only "friend" I talk to... and trust me.. we aren't really friends. We are just two people who know each other and talk. Has been that way for some time now. Which you know... I would totally do something with him, but I don't have anything to invite him to cause I'm a looser. I mean... I can't invite him anywhere like a movie or dinner or my house becuase that would be a date, and I don't want a date. I want a friend. HOnestly... I can't become comfortable with being single if I don't have any friends. I just cant. God damn these fucking tears.