Where do Babbies come from? How gurl get pragnant?
Ok so, I've been have some weird dreams lately. Weird, disturbing dreams. And want to share about them. In order to do so, I have to write y'all a little essay on why I want babies, so here goes:
I am 20 years old (21 next month!), so I hope you all understand what I mean when I say that my biological clock has been alarming for all of my recent memory you understand what that means. Really, I'm pretty sure that I've been wanting to have a baby since I hit puberty.
I should clarify that when I say "want" I don't mean "Oh, that would be nice some day" or "I want a cute bundle to pay attention to". This want is something I have trouble expressing in mere words. It's like a living thing all on it's own. It hurts when I contemplate the number of years I'll have to wait before I can financially support a child. Every month I spend a few moments (seconds, minutes, hours) mourning the loss of another viable egg. It's ridiculous and I'm thankful that I'm both rational enough to realize how ridiculous it is and gay enough that I'll never have the opportunity to manufacture an "accident".
I have no explanation for my crazy baby-wanting. Every time someone mentions the pain of childbirth or how exhausting and frustrating children can be and how expensive it is (etc, etc) there a part of me sitting up and saying "YES PLZ" that I can't squash.
Some day we'll unpack this whole compulsion a little more, but mostly I needed to give y'all background for what's been going on in my unconscious lately.
Recently I've been having a string of vivid nightmares featuring babies and childbirth. It's not every night, but it's a consistent theme and it's very very upsetting. I'm not sure if the dreams are the result of the seriousness of my current relationship (subconscious permission for babies! Yay!) or if I've just been stressed or eating different or what...
Anyway, the dreams usually focus on me being pregnant or giving birth or magically-suddenly-having a baby and I'm usually quite excited about it for all of a moment before I discover that the child is dead or dying or I dropped it or it's a rubber duck.
I'm not kidding about the rubber duck one. Really.
Last night I dreamt that I (or my mother, sometimes it was me and sometimes it was her, WEIRD SHIT)had a beautiful little girl and it was possibly the best dream I'd had yet because she was in my arms and alive and right size (I refer to the dream in which the baby was so small she fit in my hand and then I *lost* her) and blinking at me with these bright green eyes until I shifted my arm and discovered that she had no spine (?) and her head fell back too far and she died.
Freud would have a field day.
((O_o))
I am 20 years old (21 next month!), so I hope you all understand what I mean when I say that my biological clock has been alarming for all of my recent memory you understand what that means. Really, I'm pretty sure that I've been wanting to have a baby since I hit puberty.
I should clarify that when I say "want" I don't mean "Oh, that would be nice some day" or "I want a cute bundle to pay attention to". This want is something I have trouble expressing in mere words. It's like a living thing all on it's own. It hurts when I contemplate the number of years I'll have to wait before I can financially support a child. Every month I spend a few moments (seconds, minutes, hours) mourning the loss of another viable egg. It's ridiculous and I'm thankful that I'm both rational enough to realize how ridiculous it is and gay enough that I'll never have the opportunity to manufacture an "accident".
I have no explanation for my crazy baby-wanting. Every time someone mentions the pain of childbirth or how exhausting and frustrating children can be and how expensive it is (etc, etc) there a part of me sitting up and saying "YES PLZ" that I can't squash.
Some day we'll unpack this whole compulsion a little more, but mostly I needed to give y'all background for what's been going on in my unconscious lately.
Recently I've been having a string of vivid nightmares featuring babies and childbirth. It's not every night, but it's a consistent theme and it's very very upsetting. I'm not sure if the dreams are the result of the seriousness of my current relationship (subconscious permission for babies! Yay!) or if I've just been stressed or eating different or what...
Anyway, the dreams usually focus on me being pregnant or giving birth or magically-suddenly-having a baby and I'm usually quite excited about it for all of a moment before I discover that the child is dead or dying or I dropped it or it's a rubber duck.
I'm not kidding about the rubber duck one. Really.
Last night I dreamt that I (or my mother, sometimes it was me and sometimes it was her, WEIRD SHIT)had a beautiful little girl and it was possibly the best dream I'd had yet because she was in my arms and alive and right size (I refer to the dream in which the baby was so small she fit in my hand and then I *lost* her) and blinking at me with these bright green eyes until I shifted my arm and discovered that she had no spine (?) and her head fell back too far and she died.
Freud would have a field day.
((O_o))