(no subject)
I don't know where I am... I'm lost... Broken... Terrified of all these emotions bearing down on my soul. I don't know whether to scream or cry. I don't know if I even can. I feel like I have been ripped open from the inside, the amount of pressure being impossible to contain in this frail human corpse. I've kept so much in over the years, that I don't know where one painful memory ends, and the other begins. I've never opened the gates to my soul like this before. It aches. I feel trapped. Trapped in my own mind. I feel like Atlas, the world on my shoulders. This is all for me. I want to live again, to feel again. I've been shut in by my own pride of stolidity for far too long. I thought that bearing the pain of years of troubles, truimphs, terrors, broken dreams, shattered hearts showed how imense my strength was, but in truth, it is my greatest weakness. I ask but I get no answers. I want to be normal, loved, looked up too. I want the sun to set so I can sleep these feelings away. I want the sun to rise so I can try and fix these feelings. I feel blue. Not the blue of the sky when there is no clouds, but the blue when u feel drepressed. In my dreams, I dream of a better place. Where everything is happy. Everyone is free. I am wearing bright colors, not those of sidewalk chalk, but those of a rainbow up in the sky. I am no longer in a dark place, but a happy one. But thats just my dream. Why can't that dream be real? Why can't I just be happy all the time?? Why, why is all I ask. But not everything is about ME. I need to realize that there is other people out there. But I can't. I can only do one thing at a time.