Gloomy wednesday
I feel crappy today. I feel disconnected from everyone I love. Alan goes off working and doing his own stuff. AJ's working too, and when we spend time we don't talk much unless I'm throwing a fit... We usually watch movies or he plays with his phone or is on the computer ...
We had a party Saturday. It was so much fun. The boat was alive with conversation, music and laughter. Since then, I've barely talked to anyone.
Sunday AJ had to go home, and Alan went to pick up the girls from our friends, I was having an after party withdrawal. I figured Alan would be home within a few hours, he left at 1pm. He didn't get back till 11:30pm.
Monday, they both worked, but Alan got done early. He stopped in to see a friend and didn't come home till evening. And I didn't talk to AJ till 11pm.
Tuesday, yesterday, they both worked. Alan got off early again, and he picked up a friend who's going to be renting out smaller boat. They got cleaning supplies and worked on the boat some, then he took her home. I was asleep by the time he got home.
I found out that a couple of my friends relationship isn't as picture perfect as it seems. They have similar problems as Alan and I have had. Instead of me feeling closer for it, (things in common and all, I feel like withdrawing more. In addition, it feels like knowing that is causing me to notice more issues in my life.
I feel distant and lonely. Like my relationships are on the rocks, battered by a storm. Like I need to walk on egg shells just to keep my life together.
I messaged Alan and AJ telling them I was lonely and upset, that I felt like my life was coming apart at the seems. Alan wrote back that he was feeling like that too, that he'd call me later. AJ called and told me to go outside some...
I feel like I can't really tell anyone what is going on for me. Who would it help to tell? No one. Who would understand? Very few...
...Just talked to Alan. I'm feeling a little bit better. Got a few things cleared up...
We had a party Saturday. It was so much fun. The boat was alive with conversation, music and laughter. Since then, I've barely talked to anyone.
Sunday AJ had to go home, and Alan went to pick up the girls from our friends, I was having an after party withdrawal. I figured Alan would be home within a few hours, he left at 1pm. He didn't get back till 11:30pm.
Monday, they both worked, but Alan got done early. He stopped in to see a friend and didn't come home till evening. And I didn't talk to AJ till 11pm.
Tuesday, yesterday, they both worked. Alan got off early again, and he picked up a friend who's going to be renting out smaller boat. They got cleaning supplies and worked on the boat some, then he took her home. I was asleep by the time he got home.
I found out that a couple of my friends relationship isn't as picture perfect as it seems. They have similar problems as Alan and I have had. Instead of me feeling closer for it, (things in common and all, I feel like withdrawing more. In addition, it feels like knowing that is causing me to notice more issues in my life.
I feel distant and lonely. Like my relationships are on the rocks, battered by a storm. Like I need to walk on egg shells just to keep my life together.
I messaged Alan and AJ telling them I was lonely and upset, that I felt like my life was coming apart at the seems. Alan wrote back that he was feeling like that too, that he'd call me later. AJ called and told me to go outside some...
I feel like I can't really tell anyone what is going on for me. Who would it help to tell? No one. Who would understand? Very few...
...Just talked to Alan. I'm feeling a little bit better. Got a few things cleared up...