Do you believe me?
even when I don't say; even when I tell others I'm not sure; even when I'm vague (so vague that I'm not sure what the hell it is I'm doing) and I forget why I made that decision at all; even when I stop talking to you because I'm too stupid to get over myself. Do you believe me?
I'm not sure you should - I certainly haven't given you enough reason to. Honestly, I don't think I've given myself enough reason to. And that scares the heck out of me. Because if I don't know why, if I'm not sure, if there's nothing I can think of now to remind me what it was that made me do all that I've been doing for the past year - then I could forget. Easily, without consequences.
And since there is a reason, what will happen if I find it and think that it isn't enough? If I decide (possibly as easily as I had decided before) that I don't want this anymore?
It's stupid. It's probably inconsequential, if I could just stop thinking about it. But it bothers me and, more than anything else, that's what makes me step away. But you know, don't you? You should. And I'm not sure anything else matters as much right now.
I realize that my saying so isn't enough; that it's so ambiguous it barely counts for crap. That you might not believe me anymore. But do you?
Because it scares the heck out of me that I don't know why but I can't imagine how else to be and I know no other way than this.
I feel like I'm floating. (Not on cloud 9, because that's just inane.) It's just...I don't feel grounded. Like I could drift away. Or not. Or dissipate. Thinking about it is making me dizzy.
On a different note - would you believe me if I said I didn't care, not enough, not half as much as you are assuming that I do? I'm sorry; but I really never meant to lead you on. We'll be okay, though, yes? Of course. :)
GO ATENEO!
Hee. :D
Lots of things to do. Oh well. Ladeeda~
I'm not sure you should - I certainly haven't given you enough reason to. Honestly, I don't think I've given myself enough reason to. And that scares the heck out of me. Because if I don't know why, if I'm not sure, if there's nothing I can think of now to remind me what it was that made me do all that I've been doing for the past year - then I could forget. Easily, without consequences.
And since there is a reason, what will happen if I find it and think that it isn't enough? If I decide (possibly as easily as I had decided before) that I don't want this anymore?
It's stupid. It's probably inconsequential, if I could just stop thinking about it. But it bothers me and, more than anything else, that's what makes me step away. But you know, don't you? You should. And I'm not sure anything else matters as much right now.
I realize that my saying so isn't enough; that it's so ambiguous it barely counts for crap. That you might not believe me anymore. But do you?
Because it scares the heck out of me that I don't know why but I can't imagine how else to be and I know no other way than this.
I feel like I'm floating. (Not on cloud 9, because that's just inane.) It's just...I don't feel grounded. Like I could drift away. Or not. Or dissipate. Thinking about it is making me dizzy.
On a different note - would you believe me if I said I didn't care, not enough, not half as much as you are assuming that I do? I'm sorry; but I really never meant to lead you on. We'll be okay, though, yes? Of course. :)
GO ATENEO!
Hee. :D
Lots of things to do. Oh well. Ladeeda~