Drop dead. What's up with that?
Thanks, yo's. I feel stupid and self-centered for doing that, but what the hell. Sometimes, it makes me feel better. Sometimes.
(When are you supposed to use 'some times' and 'sometimes' again? And, uh, what's the difference between 'everybody' and 'everyone'?)
So. There. Thanks for the comfort and (unintended) funny. Thanks for ranting and listening along too. Hearing those words just made things feel even more ugh-ish than they already and, somewhere along the line, I thought: what am I keeping up pretenses for, anyway?
Not finding an answer, I decided, to hell with it, and dropped them (the pretenses, not the unfound answers). Being red, hot, and blotchy isn't nice, especially in public. Except, oh, a while ago, I didn't care about the public, either.
To avoid remembering the frustration while somehow making sure that I know what exactly I was frustrated about (I forget, sometimes), here is...something:
...Know what? Never mind. I feel better now, after making myself cry. (It wasn't that hard, after I recalled why I did so in the first place.) And it will take too much time to retell/explain.
It was not because of her scolding us, though. That much I am certain of. To cut it short (and to escape further explanation), it was because of her taking things. (Which weren't supposed to be there, but, hey, you don't tell people off for doing something wrong by doing something wrong in return. That's plain strange.)
To be more proper about it (not that anybody minds), it was because I already felt rather useless and unlike how I want to be and she comes along, spurting things she does not know about, really. Stupidly, the "things" hit close and, ugh, it was a different matter, mostly. Just frustration at not having an editorial, not acing quizzes, not having the karilyo down to pat, not having done much for anything, and...there. Frustration, and then some shame.
What a disgusting way to feel, feeling that you owe everyone a whole lot and feeling bad if you don't somehow live up to that gratitude. Eesh.
But, lady, say what you mean. Words were meant to convey thoughts because we can't read 'em and if you don't use them the way you want to, how do we know what you wanted to say?
Lalala~ Something is astoof. And then blah, and blah. Frustration and not.
After all that, finding myself amongst people I had to be with but obviously did not care (or notice), was a relief. It wouldn't have been if I hadn't just talked to nicer (wrong word, but to heck with that) people, true, but I had and I found myself not caring about them.
What an ugh-ly (adverb of 'ugh,' not...yah) to go about the afternoon. Theoretically.
Huh.
People are adorable, greeting in advance. Hihi. Thanks:) Oooh. And Dad got me a new wall fan (mine had been broken for months and is, possibly, one of the reasons why I got sick). Whee. :D
And, yes, okay, I shan't do that again. Or I shall try not to. It's sort of hard to not do something you didn't even know you could do.
You think you're so smart and logical. You aren't any better than anybody. Know your place and stay there, until you are sure you can usurp somebody else's properly.
Also, you are not supposed to be tired. It's illogical, but you really aren't. So stop pretending that you are and get on with it.
We're swinging through all that will ever happen, thinking, there has to be something else out there. And when we find it, we will realize that it is not different from anything else we have swung past.
Went to Antipolo today. It was fun. Felt pretty car sick on the road, mostly because I was reading (the newspaper, in hopes of finding Erap facts), because lunch was not very substantial, and because Battle Royale is gore and my subconscious does not deal with gore well.
(The illegal code in Physics was enough to bother my sensitivities. I couldn't even use it because I don't remember what it stands for.)
There was a labyrinth (not the sort I expected, but it went 'round and 'round anyway). A meander! (Hee. Whatever that means.) And it was supposed to represent our lives, supposedly.
So I went around it. Slowly, at first. Then after around 82 steps, an obstruction came in the form of posing classmates. There isn't more to say about that, is there?
Pint-sized thoughts are all I have, at times. Thank You for them, still. :) Tomorrow will be better, just because. Seems like I semi-waited for this a couple of years ago, if only I so I could stop lying and whatnot. Now it doesn't seem to matter much.
Shifting and swinging, on and on and on. When will we stop and rest?
(When are you supposed to use 'some times' and 'sometimes' again? And, uh, what's the difference between 'everybody' and 'everyone'?)
So. There. Thanks for the comfort and (unintended) funny. Thanks for ranting and listening along too. Hearing those words just made things feel even more ugh-ish than they already and, somewhere along the line, I thought: what am I keeping up pretenses for, anyway?
Not finding an answer, I decided, to hell with it, and dropped them (the pretenses, not the unfound answers). Being red, hot, and blotchy isn't nice, especially in public. Except, oh, a while ago, I didn't care about the public, either.
To avoid remembering the frustration while somehow making sure that I know what exactly I was frustrated about (I forget, sometimes), here is...something:
...Know what? Never mind. I feel better now, after making myself cry. (It wasn't that hard, after I recalled why I did so in the first place.) And it will take too much time to retell/explain.
It was not because of her scolding us, though. That much I am certain of. To cut it short (and to escape further explanation), it was because of her taking things. (Which weren't supposed to be there, but, hey, you don't tell people off for doing something wrong by doing something wrong in return. That's plain strange.)
To be more proper about it (not that anybody minds), it was because I already felt rather useless and unlike how I want to be and she comes along, spurting things she does not know about, really. Stupidly, the "things" hit close and, ugh, it was a different matter, mostly. Just frustration at not having an editorial, not acing quizzes, not having the karilyo down to pat, not having done much for anything, and...there. Frustration, and then some shame.
What a disgusting way to feel, feeling that you owe everyone a whole lot and feeling bad if you don't somehow live up to that gratitude. Eesh.
But, lady, say what you mean. Words were meant to convey thoughts because we can't read 'em and if you don't use them the way you want to, how do we know what you wanted to say?
Lalala~ Something is astoof. And then blah, and blah. Frustration and not.
After all that, finding myself amongst people I had to be with but obviously did not care (or notice), was a relief. It wouldn't have been if I hadn't just talked to nicer (wrong word, but to heck with that) people, true, but I had and I found myself not caring about them.
What an ugh-ly (adverb of 'ugh,' not...yah) to go about the afternoon. Theoretically.
Huh.
People are adorable, greeting in advance. Hihi. Thanks:) Oooh. And Dad got me a new wall fan (mine had been broken for months and is, possibly, one of the reasons why I got sick). Whee. :D
And, yes, okay, I shan't do that again. Or I shall try not to. It's sort of hard to not do something you didn't even know you could do.
You think you're so smart and logical. You aren't any better than anybody. Know your place and stay there, until you are sure you can usurp somebody else's properly.
Also, you are not supposed to be tired. It's illogical, but you really aren't. So stop pretending that you are and get on with it.
We're swinging through all that will ever happen, thinking, there has to be something else out there. And when we find it, we will realize that it is not different from anything else we have swung past.
Went to Antipolo today. It was fun. Felt pretty car sick on the road, mostly because I was reading (the newspaper, in hopes of finding Erap facts), because lunch was not very substantial, and because Battle Royale is gore and my subconscious does not deal with gore well.
(The illegal code in Physics was enough to bother my sensitivities. I couldn't even use it because I don't remember what it stands for.)
There was a labyrinth (not the sort I expected, but it went 'round and 'round anyway). A meander! (Hee. Whatever that means.) And it was supposed to represent our lives, supposedly.
So I went around it. Slowly, at first. Then after around 82 steps, an obstruction came in the form of posing classmates. There isn't more to say about that, is there?
Pint-sized thoughts are all I have, at times. Thank You for them, still. :) Tomorrow will be better, just because. Seems like I semi-waited for this a couple of years ago, if only I so I could stop lying and whatnot. Now it doesn't seem to matter much.
Shifting and swinging, on and on and on. When will we stop and rest?