After the Fall
IC Date: Day 6, Month 9, Turn 2, 7th Pass
Players: K'rom, R'zel, Vanya, Sinopa
Location: Lake Shore, Southen Bowl
Synopsis: Trial over. E'sere was found guilty. A small group of people meet out by the lake, and try to deal with the aftermath. It's not a pretty thing to see. Or to experience. (Warning: This is a long, emotional log.)
Southern Bowl,
Evening
The bowl floor is a broad expanse of gravel and dust, packed flat over decades of dragonweight landing on it. Kept free of vegetation, the only color variation across the vast hollow of the bowl are the dragons, in good weather often found sunning on low ledges or sprawled along the floor itself. The well-worn, charcoal-grey walls of the bowl are nearly vertical, far too steep for even the most adventurous climber to attempt. The rim of the bowl, marked by a rainbow of perching dragons at all times of the day, is topped with massive stone spires that stretch upwards into the blue vault of the sky. There are seven in all, great black fingers of stone that seem, from where you stand, to touch the clouds.
Here the lake dominates the bowl floor, wind-scattered waves lapping at the gravel shore. A few scrawny shrubs to the southeast mark the fenced-in enclosure of the feeding grounds, bordered on its southwestern edge by the lake itself. Following the wall here will lead to the entrance to the weyrling complex and, past that, the stairs that lead to the guest weyr. On the other side of the lake is a vast, yawning tunnel curving upwards slightly, connecting to the long road leading away from High Reaches Weyr. Adjoining the exit is the high arch of the infirmary entrance.
Is there life after the trial? Uncertain. Now that it's all over, Vanya's sought refuge by the lake. Alone, the obligatory pile of pebbles in her lap, lobbing them one by one into the lake. Toss, plunk. Toss, plunk. Over and over. Her expression is solemn, almost eerily so. No tears, no ranting, no raving. It's almost as if she's just not feeling anything. Alone. On the rock where she usually sits. Just ... existing.
K'rom is hanging around the Weyrling Barracks, lost in thought himself, not paying too much attention to anything and finally the plunking of pebbles gets his attention and he moves close enough to see it's Vanya and debates on speaking to her. He sighs slightly and turns back to the Barracks, not wanting to impose on her. For now. A pause then and Kie seems to reconsider and turns back then and moves back towards the lake. He hesitates and clears his throat a little to warn Vanya he's there.
At the sound of a throat clearing, Vanya turns her head, looking over her shoulder. Recognizing K'rom, she nods, but doesn't say anything for a long time. Finally, she sighs. "Hello, K'rom," she says, voice sounding very, very weary. Soul weary, would be a good description. Like everything in her world has shattered, and she can't even cry about it.
K'rom doesn't make a move closer and doesn't really seems like he wants to impose and says just loud enough for Vanya to here, "I'm sorry, Vanya." That's it, and nothing more for now.
Crunch. Crunch crunch rustle crackle crunch. No spinning about leaves for R'zel; he cuts an oddly childish figure as he makes his erratic way across the bowl, head down, shoulders high and tense, his steps loud as he goes out of his way to stomp on brilliant, crackly fallen leaves. But two figures in the distance make him fall still and silent, watching from some distance away.
There's nothing from Vanya for a long time, still, but the pebble tossing does resume. "Do you think if I toss enough pebbles in there it'll fill up?" she asks, voice still tired. Five more pebbles hit the water as she sits in silence. Then, "Don't be sorry, K'rom. You got what you wanted. You were afraid of E'sere, now he'll be gone. So, you're safe, the weyr's safe. Don't set out to do something and be sorry about it afterwards." She turns at the sound of another person approaching, body tensing. But she relaxes a little when she sees who it is. No greeting, though, other than a simple nod of the head. "Your side won, after all," she adds to K'rom."
K'rom snorts a little then, "My side? Like we all got together and decided that E'sere should pay? That's not what happened. I was asked to tell what I knew of Donavon and Leyron, and I did that. As N'ka spoke of E'sere blackmailing him." Kie sighs a little then, moving on, "I'm sorry that you have to go through this now since you are one of the true innocents in this. I am also sorry for Morelenth." Nothing is said about E'sere or any of the other as Kie looks over the lake.
One more moment, one more scuffing kick at the nearest leaves, and a grim-faced R'zel abandons his vantage point, nodding back at Vanya, then K'rom. "My duties to Iusath," he mumbles by rote before observing in a weary murmur, "I didn't watch the trial. I won't pump either of you for details." He stoops to gather up some rocks and pitch them into the lake with some force. "I can't believe it." Mumble mumble. "2C must be devastated." His soft, mumbled sentences are hollow, disjointed, interrupted occasionally by loud splashes from the thrown rocks. "What now?"
Vanya turns back to K'rom. "Well, I guess that all depends on your point of view, K'rom," she says softly. "It could be pointed out that from an outsider's point of view, appearances can be deceiving. And, from the evidence provided, it sure didn't look like E'sere was behind all the murders and blackmail, but ... hey, I'm a nobody, and my opinion doesn't really matter, does it?" She sighs. "Just don't apologize to me. I'm not the one who deserves the apology." Her eyes lift toward E'sere's weyr. "You /all/ ought to apologize to E'sere, but that's expecting a bit much." A bitter snort. "Well, I should go congratulate someone. They've managed to destroy /two/ people's lives and reputations." She glances up at R'zel. "I'm being a bitch again," she says bluntly. "You should have been there, R'zel. It was a /farce/, and, yes, 2C's morale is pretty low right now. L'ret is furious, so I heard."
K'rom nods slowly as he listens to Vanya, "Well, I know what it must look like, but that's not how it was actually." Kie looks up at E'sere's ledge then and back to Vanya, "I've been wanting to speak with him actually, but haven't been able to." No explaination of why that is is given though and he continues, "If they let visitors in now, I hope I can see him before they make him leave." He turns to R'zel then and nods, "My duties to Pangioth. The trial was....interesting." Kie doesn't go into much details then since he wasn't there for every part of it, just the parts after he tesified and some when N'ka did."
"I've seen worse, Vanya. All of 2C couldn't change a thing. I couldn't have changed anything, if I'd been there," R'zel replies dully, and the rock that flies from his hand makes a particularly loud splash. After loosing that rock, he stands back from the lake, closing his eyes and crossing his arms. "I hate feeling helpless. It's so hard to believe that E'sere could've fooled everyone for so long. Surely no one can be that good at acting." An touch of bitter irony twists one corner of his mouth at that, but it vanishes quickly into a morose frown. "Morelenth must be beside himself." The frown remains as he arches a brow at K'rom. "Interesting?" he repeats. Though he opens his mouth for more questions, he stops himself short, shaking his head as he moves a step back.
"No. Visitors." Vanya's voice is cold on that. "So, missed your chance. He'll be gone soon enough, but at least they didn't exile him -- though they might as well have." Bitter, yes. And it's pretty obvious she's upset. She didn't offer her duty to either dragon. "So ... there it is. The best hope this weyr ever had is being stripped of rank, his dragon mind-locked, and sent away. He can't fly without escort, and he can't see his friends. It would have been kinder to just exile him instead of making him sit outside and watch this weyr slowly die." She gives a short bark of bitter laughter. "And Aida called /me/ insane." And then she turns to R'zel. "You think E'sere was acting? Have they convinced you that he's guilty of all that?" There's sadness to her voice then. "I guess I really /am/ the only one who believes him..." Words trailing off into silence, until there's a catch in her throat. She lifts a fist and holds it in front of her mouth, wrapping the other arm across her stomach, as if in pain.
K'rom nods at R'zel first, "Yes, interesting. Though some of the verdicts did suprise me. I only expected E'sere to be guilty of the blackmails, so the rest suprised me..." He closes his mouth then and sighs. "Well, yes, no visitors....there goes that...." He takes a couple of steps back and then peers at Vanya, raising an eyebrow, "You okay?" He is concerned that she maybe in pain, but doesn't seem sure of what to do.
"No one can act that well. Not well enough to fool an entire Weyr. The High Reaches is full of eyes. And for so many years. It's impossible," R'zel clarifies (not very well) in choppy fragments, a faint edge to his voice. Crossed arms tighten. "It's impossible. Even E'sere can't pull off the impossible. I should've gone." He clears his throat. "I'm not making sense." K'rom's concern opens up tightly shut eyes, and he stares at Vanya with some alarm. A helpless glance goes to K'rom--er, what now? One hand reaches out to shake her by the shoulder. "Stop thinking on the verdict. Think about solutions, if you've gotta think at all." Not that he can think of any, but still.
Vanya doesn't answer K'rom's question about whether or not she's all right. Not for a long time. "Oh, I'm /fine/," she says, laughing. "I couldn't be better. Isn't every woman fine when the man she's in love with it humiliated and demeaned in front of a weyr he only tried to serve? How would /you/ feel if it was N'ka who'd just been snatched away from you, and you couldn't even see him before they shipped him off?" Now there's hurt in her voice. "If you'd stop to think for just a moment, and consider how someone else felt, maybe you'd understand how I feel right now. Grow up, K'rom. This isn't a Harper's tale. A man's life's work has just been destroyed by people he once called friends. Of /course/ I'm not all right." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I just can't be pleasant tonight. I'm sorry, but it hurts. I'm sorry I can't make you understand, and I'm sorry to break down like this in front of you, R'zel, but I'm only human."
K'rom snorts then and looks from Vanya to R'zel and back to Vanya but it's mainly to Vanya he speaks, "If it was N'ka who was snatched away, then I would be upset and saddened as well. I know that and which is why I turned back and said anything to you at all Vanya. I also know that I would have to accept the decision that was made and live with it. E'sere made some bad choices, as did N'ka and myself and we have to live with it and move on. You're right, this is no Harper's Tale and there is to be no happy ending." Kie shakes his head then and glances back at the Barracks.
"Stop. Just stop. Don't think. Certainly don't apologize about being pleasant, of all things. It really doesn't get better if you pick at it," R'zel offers, shortly before kicking some more good-sized rocks into the lake. "Thinking's not going to change anything, anyway." Not the most comforting thing to have said, under the circumstances, and he realizes this, judging by his mortified expression a split second after speaking. "Uh." Another helpless glance goes flicking from Vanya to K'rom. The young bronzerider is clearly lost at sea when it comes to soothing hurts.
"That's right, K'rom, I have to live with it, and I will," Vanya says softly. "But there's nothing in the rules of this game that says I have to /like/ it, or /enjoy/ it, is there? Is there some unwritten rule that says I have to be happy? Or not be angry? Or upset that some snip of a girl who doesn't even have a knot and /pretends/ to be a healer told her powerful friends I was crazy because she pushed and pushed and pushed me right after E'sere was poisoned and I exploded?" Vanya's voice doesn't even rise as she says all this, and she just shakes her head. "I don't know what I believe in anymore, R'zel. I believed in our justice system, and ... even E'sere tried to prepare me for the worst, but all of them -- they all said it was Aivey behind this, not E'sere, yet they still found him guilty. They won. Sharditall. They won." And now her face is buried in both hands and her shoulders shake. But there's no sound of tears. Just silence.
K'rom blinks and shakes his head a little, speaking softly, "No one is telling you how to feel Vanya. I know you have reasons to be upset and I'm sure I don't know all of it or understand all of it. From what I've seen though, there may not be any rules to life." Kie stops there, not really being the best for comfort, especially now and seems unsure of how to comfort Vanya and looks at R'zel then, wondering if he could help more.
Green eyes go wide. "Say what?" R'zel blurts out to the mention of "some snip of a girl." One hand reaches toward his forehead to massage at his temples. "No, never mind." Sighing, he just shakes his head. "Vanya, Vanya, Vanya. E'sere wouldn't want to see you hurt. Be strong for him, at least." Pause. If the greenrider's hoping on R'zel, well... "C'mon, physical therapy's good stuff, so let's go beat stuff up. Don't the guards have practice dummies or something like that around, K'rom?" Desperately grasping at straws now.
"I can't, R'zel," Vanya says firmly, pulling herself together. "I've been relieved of my healer's duties and placed on /leave/ for three months. I cannot practice /any/ medicine whatsoever because I exploded to someone when I was three-days' tired and said some things I tried not to say," she explains. "Because I tried to be nice, and /not/ tell her I suspected her friend to be the one behind all the stuff Aivey was doing, because of a stupid rumor and conversation I had with him. She's got powerful friends in the Caucus and in the weyr, and I don't. So ... she probably told one of her powerful friends that I was emotionally unstable and crazy. So, I've been suitably relieved of my duties while the Hall evaluates my mental state." She snorts. "I'd dare /anyone/ who just saved a man from being poisoned and up for three days straight not to sound a little crazy!" She sighs. "It also made my testimony suspect, and certainly helped /her/ side win a victory tonight. There it is. I don't know that's what she did, but she's the only one who ever called me crazy to my face."
K'rom glances at R'zel first, thinking, "Practice dummies? Oh yeah....I'm sure we can find something similar to help with that if they won't let us use what they have. Or just beat up on some of the old feed bags in the stables...." Kie shakes his head then and blinks at Vanya, "Well, I'm not sure who did that to you, but if it's just comments made when you're tired, can't you discuss it with Healer Hall? Try to change it? If we were all relieved of duty because of remarks we regretted when we're tired, then most of us probably would be relieved of duty." Kie snorts then and blinks, trying to think of something else to say and glances at R'zel again.
What? Lost, totally lost, R'zel stares puzzledly at Vanya for a moment, silent as he tries to catch up with the conversation's drift. A shrug shelves the topic of beating stuff up, and he launches in, nodding approvingly at the greenrider. "K'rom has a good point. Just explain yourself. To the girl, to Healer Hall. We could go with you, if you think we'd be of any help." He darts a vaguely apologetic look at the younger rider. Sorry for just volunteering you, man, says the look. "Who is the girl, anyway?"
"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" Vanya replies, lowering her hands and letting them rest on her knees. "But, when you add in the fact I'm involved with E'sere, well, the hall takes a dim view of healers who consort with convicted criminals. I somehow doubt I'll get a favorable verdict on my evaluation." She sighs, looking out over the lake. "I wish it were so simple, I really do, K'rom, but I doubt I'll see my knot after the three-months are up." Another sigh. "I don't think I have the energy left in me to beat up a practice dummy. I rather feel like a practice dummy myself, right now. Sucker punched when I'm down." She glances up at the two men with her, and tries to smile. It's just not happening. "I'll be all right. Really. I'm just still in shock. I should probably go get drunk or something, but with my luck, someone would see and that would get used against me, too." A wry quirk of her lips. "You know, I even tried to arrange an apology for Aida. In front of people she knew. She didn't even bother to reply."
K'rom nods at R'zel in agreement, "I would help if I could Vanya. You're a good Healer and have ideas that would be helpful, so surely the Healer Hall can see that?" Kie sighs then and shakes his head, "Also, getting drunk does no one any good, but if you do, then I recommend doing so where no one can see." Judging from Kie's tone, he's had experience with being drunk once. At the mention of Aida though, Kie blinks some and frowns, having had some experience with her himself, "Aida is not too....forgiving to say the least. I wish I could say her actions suprise me, but it doesn't."
"Drinks? Pfft. No good," R'zel says promptly, mustering up a shaky grin. "I've tried that out before--didn't work at all, that last time." Not that he elaborates, hastily moving on with a nod at K'rom. "But yeah, I'd drink somewhere out of the way." Then there's a thoughtful pause. "Aida. Don't know her personally." He puts up his hands in vague surrender. "You know her too?" he asks K'rom before returning his attention to the healer. "Vanya, maybe you should catch some sleep? For me at least, things tend to look better after a nap, and you can probably better figure out where to go from there."
"Thank you, K'rom, R'zel, for thinking of these things, but I've gone over and over things, and I'm not sure there's anything I can do. You see, physical therapy and massage aren't exactly orthodox treatment methods in some Master Healer's eyes. Some, yes, can see the merit of my research and practice, otherwise, I wouldn't have attained my Journeyman's rank to begin with. But, there are a few which view it as ... somewhat suspect. Master Simbum warned me there might be trouble down the road, but I was so sure of myself..." She hangs her head. "It's all so complicated. If I were a man, I don't even think this would've come up, but ... I'm a woman." She smiles wryly again. "The weyr is a lot more equal than the crafts, I'm afraid. And even here, it's not what you know or can do, it's who you know and can convince to believe your side of things." She pauses. "And, no, before you ask, no one's come from the Hall to see me or even asked to hear my side of things. And, no, I don't think I can sleep right now. I'm too wrought up. I'd just lay there awake and think."
K'rom nods at Vanya, listening and sighing some, "I am sorry to hear that Vanya. I know it must be difficult and I wish there was more we could do. If things were just a little more equal...." Kis closes his eyes then and sighs and then looks at R'zel, "Yes, I know Aida, though the only time we've spoken since I Impressed was at the gather, and then just briefly. Before I Impressed, it was....odd. Sometimes she was nice, other times we argued a lot and I never knew which when I ran into her." Kie sighs then, "I don't think you're the only one who won't sleep tonight, but you do need rest eventually."
"Oh," says R'zel to Vanya's explanation. And then "Oh" again to K'rom's description of Aida. Today is not one of his eloquent days. "Even lying in bed awake will help. A bed's more comfortable than the lakeshore, I'm sure. Maybe you'll even fall asleep sooner than you realize." He pauses a beat, glances toward Morelenth's ledge only to avert his gaze quickly. "And don't forget, you've got friends too." Another pause, shorter than the previous one. "I'm sure the posted healers who've seen your work will vouch for you."
"And, eventually I'll rest, just not immediately," Vanya assures K'rom. "Aida's never been very pleasant with me. Stand-offish and civil, yes, but not very friendly. What's so odd...? I used to envy her. She's well-liked, respected, has a good position. I just wanted to be friends, not so I could ride her popularity coattail, but maybe learn something from her." She shakes her head. "Now, I actually feel sorry for her. I think she must be a very unhappy person." Vanya shakes her head, but then looks up. "I know I have friends, R'zel, and you don't know how good that makes me feel. Especially now. I really just don't want to be alone." She pauses a second. "E'sere said he was going to have L'ret and his wing look out for me. I'd like to think the people I've helped here would speak up for me to the Hall, but ... I don't know if it will do any good."
K'rom nods at Vanya, answering the one question first, "Well, just odd in the sense that I never knew what I am in store for when I saw her. Maybe I wasn't good at reading her feelings then, I don't know. Since I became a Weyrling and she's involved with Caucas, we don't see each other and don't speak really so I may never know." That's the ens of the comments of Aida for Kie anyways. Kie blinks at Vanya, "Well, why don't you ask them to speak up for you? I will if you want me to. Or maybe even get statements from them for the Hall? Why not fight it and go for what you want Vanya?"
R'zel doesn't respond to the comments about Aida, but he does chime in with K'rom's next statements. "Yeah, I'm sure if they knew, your former patients would all be more than willing to help the healer who helped them before. They might even have ties back to Healer Hall. And perhaps the wingleaders who've taken up your exercises might have some influence too." He offers a grin, small but encouraging. "Fight it, Vanya. You told me yourself you're stubborn."
Vanya takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I don't know, K'rom. Maybe I'm too much of a coward to fight my own battles. I can always fight for others, but I've never been too good at standing up for myself. If I just let things lie, keep a low profile, maybe they'll reconsider. If I make a big stink about it, they may decide there's validity in what they heard." She shrugs. "I haven't had a lot of time to reason it out, I'll admit that. I mean, this just happened the other day, and then there was the trial." She snorts. "Maybe I should hire Master Ysidro and petition to have Aida brought up on charges of defamation of my character and ruination of my career?" But that's obviously a joke, since she actually laughs. "I'll think of something, no worries. I just need to get my feet back under me a little." She glances over at R'zel. "Stubborn, yes. Stupid? No." She sighs. "Look, I have made mistakes since I've been here. Not medically, but personally. There's gossip about me because I was stupid and got myself involved in a rather ... oh, listen to the gossip and you'll find out. And I've not been very discreet about what I feel for E'sere. Now, after he's been convicted, they can say I was involved with a known criminal. It's just complicated."
Kie blinks and nods, saying quietly, "I have made mistakes and been in gossip as well, so that I can relate to." A pause then and he turns to the Barracks, "My apologies though, Iusath is wondering where I'm at, so I must leave." He bows to R'zel and Vanya and addresses them both, "Clear skies and if ywither of you need me or want to chat, feel free."
"Why should Healer Hall care? What have personal relationships got to do with your healing skills? It doesn't make sense." R'zel frowns, but shakes his head in dismissal. "Forget it. Just focus on getting your feet under you again, Vanya," he concludes, his tone gentling. He returns K'rom's bow, adding, "Clear skies to you too. See you around."
"Clear skies, K'rom," Vanya replies, voice sounding a little stronger, if not any more energetic. "Give Iusath my best, and try to sleep some." She watches the weyrling walk away, then turns to R'zel. "That's just it, R'zel. It /shouldn't/ matter what I do in my personal life, as long as it doesn't interfere with my performance as a healer. I guess they're afraid of me tarnishing their image or something." She shrugs. "I can't explain it any clearer than I have. A question of my stability was brought to them, and they have to act upon it. The letter they sent said reports, plural. Maybe someone else said something. They didn't specify anything, just said they thought I could use some time off, and said I was being left at the weyr since it would be /cruel/ to remove me." She just sighs. "I don't know what's going on anymore. I just want --"
"Reports," R'zel repeats thoughtfully, raking a careless hand through his curls before prompting, "You just want...?"
Vanya's quiet a moment. "I just want things to go back to the way they were, is all. I wish I'd never started to feel something for someone, maybe. I was better off when I didn't care for anyone except my patients." She looks out over the lake, refusing to look up at E'sere's weyr again. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him, R'zel. I just wanted to be friends. And then ... the night he almost died, I knew it was deeper than that." Another soft sigh. "By then, I guess it was too late."
Something in Vanya's words draw a small, dry chuckle from R'zel. "If love went where we would have it go, life would be a lot more boring." His hand goes raking through his curls again, messing them up more than anything constructive. "It's easy to admire him, to love him. Look at 2C. Look at all the old wishful gossip from lower caverns girls who only wish they were in your place." He crosses his arms again, shoulders hunching. "It's not wrong to care for him."
"A lot of people think so, R'zel," Vanya says. "And a lot of them think I was just used or taken for a ride by him. I asked him right after he was arrested if he had lied to me about us. About the two of us together. He said he wasn't, but I wonder if it was all an act, now. I can handle anything as long as I know he wasn't ... lying to me about how he feels for me. I really don't believe he was, but there are so many things now that ... just ... oh, shells, R'zel, I can't see him anymore. I'm hoping they'll at least let him receive letters, but I'm sure they won't let him have visitors at Telgar, or if they do, it'll be with guards again." She wraps her arms around her midsection again, but doesn't cry. "I just want to hold him and be with him again. That's all I want. I'd have gone into exile with him, or stuck it out until he came back. But now he's so close and yet so far away."
"When I dropped in to visit him that time, he asked about you first," R'zel states simply, firmly. "Make of it what you will. The whole thing's between you and him, anyhow." He sinks down on the gravel of the lakeshore, stretching out his long legs until his boots barely reach the lapping waves. More rocks go flying into the waters. "It's out of my hands. Always has been." Faranth knows what he's referring to.
Vanya smiles at the young bronzerider. "That was sweet of you to tell me, R'zel," she says softly, her voice a lot stronger now. "I believed him when he told me he loved me, but I guess it's so easy to question things when you go through something like what just happened tonight." There's a moment of silence, and a "plunk" as Vanya tosses another pebble into the lake. "I'll be all right, R'zel, and maybe they'll let him have visitors at Telgar. It's only a jump Between to get there, after all." A pause. "What's out of your hands?" she asks.
R'zel continues to intently pitch rocks into the pool throughout Vanya's soft, stronger words, until her final question sinks in. Brows arching, he glances over at her, then offers a grin that quirks into a smirk. "The rocks, of course. I'm sure you can see that." Back to said rocks, though he does add, "It shouldn't be too hard to arrange for transport to Telgar, when they let him have visitors."
Treading lightly across the bowl is Sinopa, the sound of gravel softly crunching precipitating her arrival. Though it's night, the weyrwoman walks alone. The sound of voices draws her attention and her course carries her towards the gathering of R'zel and Vanya. "Evening," she greets from a short distance, so as not to scare them.
"Probably, /if/ they allow him visitors at all," Vanya says, voice soft. Another pebble bites the ... water. "Rocks. Yes. Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks for what ails the world," she adds, a smirk on her lips. "I'm almost sorry I snapped at K'rom, but he sat there on the witness stand and admitted he lied about his age to the guards, and /asked/ to help E'sere with ... whatever it was he was trying to do. I don't know, anymore." She sighs. "But, he also needs to grow up a bit --" She stops talking when she hears Sinopa's voice, turning her head toward the Weyrwoman. "Oh, Sinopa, it's so /good/ to hear your voice," Vanya says softly. "I've been driving poor R'zel crazy with my awful mood. Now I can torture you both." She's trying to joke, but it's not easy.
"/When/ they allow him visitors," R'zel amends firmly, his left arm circling around one knee. "And I've almost as few years as K'rom, I think, so we've all got some growing up to do. I should check the harper records of the trial--they do have them, right?--for what little good it might do." He squints in the direction of the greeting. "Evening," he greets in return, pausing before adding the title with a questioning lilt, "Weyrwoman?" Then Vanya goes and confirms the woman's identity. "Weyrwoman." Sans the questioning lilt this time. "Did you come to make a splash?" With that question, another rock is thrown into the lake.
"Vanya," Sinopa greets after a moment, as though it took some time to process the other woman's presence. And then, more smoothly she adds, "I find it difficult to believe that you could ever cause anyone harm, or torture as the case may be. How are you... doing?" It's the question of the night, and perhaps a deadly one. R'zel gets a nod and smile. "A splash? No.. I merely went for a little walk. And then found the two of you."
"I'm doing as well as can be expected," Vanya replies. "I've ranted, raved, torn out my hair a bit, chewed K'rom up a bit, and basically tried to reconcile life with E'sere at Telgar." She chuckles softly, and offers a smile. "So near and so far. I suppose you know all about it, so I won't go back over it. I'm sorry Sinopa. I never thought they'd find him guilty." She holds out a hand toward the weyrwoman. "Join me on my rock? I've a pile of pebbles and I've been trying to fill the lake one pebble at a time for about a month or so now." And then she looks at R'zel. "When they allow him visitors. I should be thinking more positively, you're right about that. And, neither of you know how much I want to go mix up some herbs that relieve constipation and serve it to a few Weyrleaders and Harpers, so don't think too highly of me right now." There's a laugh after that, yes. She really /wouldn't/ do that to anyone. Really!
"Without an escort, Weyrwoman Sinopa?" R'zel straightens up and squints again, trying to see if there is one somewhere in the darkness. "Such a tragic loss for..." For whom, he never quite gets around to saying, faltering in the middle of his teasing sentence. In the dark, it's more than difficult to see his eyes going distant in mind communication. "Please excuse me, both of you." The grin on his face is evident in his words. "I dare say you'll find each other's company more pleasant than mine, anyhow. See you around, Weyrwoman, and take care, Vanya." A rustle of gravel, and he's up and away.
"For us," Sinopa finishes for the bronzerider. "I had no idea that they would find him guilty either. It's... going to be difficult without him around. I had hoped that the others would balance out J'cor's prejudice, but..." she trails off and shrugs, taking the healer's hand and climbing carefully up onto the rock to sit next to Vanya. "Take care," she says simply to R'zel, before adding, "Come and find me sometime. We should catch up and talk."
"Yes, well, what can I say? Prejudices aside, and present company excluded, I've not been very impressed by the leadership of the weyr," Vanya says softly, then glances to R'zel. "Thank you, R'zel. I'm sorry I wasn't better company. Things will be better soon, I hope. I'll look for you to join me sometime again jogging. And, my best to Pangioth, please." She then watches the young rider leaving. "I can't believe it, Sinopa. It would have been easier if they'd exiled him, but I can see why they didn't. They couldn't control him if he was exiled. Now, they can torment him at leisure, and ... it's almost worse."
"It would be dangerous if they exiled him," Sinopa replies. "They want him under control, away from here, and closely watched." The barest of shrugs as she gets as comfortable on a rock as one can. "The leadership declines when the leaders become threatened," she muses. "Ganathon lost Hirth... so he transferred in a woman whose dragon was moments from rising. Now Karth is injured and cannot fly, so J'cor is threatened. He's... bitter and trying to hold his power. And get revenge for Yevide." The acting senior turns to look at Vanya, "Wouldn't you agree?"
Vanya listens and nods. "I think you've the right of it, Sinopa. And, E'sere was decidedly a threat. After all, he was competent to lead," she says, agreeing. She draws her feet up onto the rock, wrapping her arms around her knees. "So, E'sere takes the fall for them all. It's so unfair." Still, she sighs and tries to be positive. "Maybe you can petition to visit him. Surely they won't deny a Weyrwoman's request. Me? I doubt they'd let me within a mile of him. Rank has it's privileges." That's not meant as a snide remark. Not at all. In fact, it's said with a bit of affection. "You're going to have to be very careful, Sinopa. They're going to do their best to discredit you, and rob you of your rightful position. Please ... be very wary of them."
"Oh, I'm quite aware of what they'd like to do with me," the weyrwoman replies flatly, her gaze drifting out to the lake's surface. "It would be best if I don't see E'sere for a while, unfortunately," she comments idly, lifting a hand to gesture as she speaks "They've already certainly got a few... ideas. And until things are resolved..." Sinopa doesn't finish that sentence though and her hand falls back to clasp her other hand.
"I know what you mean. Likely they won't let him have visitors for a while anyway," Vanya remarks sadly. "And, I'm glad you're aware of what they're going to try to do. I don't want to see them hurt someone else I've come to care about," she adds. "It's going to be difficult without him, but if I can ever do anything for you, please let me know? Even if it's just to offer a shoulder. After all you've done for me, just listening to me whine and cry into my wine, it's the least I can do." She's quiet for a moment. "Is there any sign of Citalth rising soon? I don't know that much about dragon physiology, but it should be soon, shouldn't it?"
The other's offer of being a listener now and then brings a smile to Sinopa's lips. "Thank you," she says after a moment of silence. "The same goes for you." Sinopa's gaze then lifts to look out across the lake for a moment before she tilts her head back to look up at the sky. "It's a rather sudden thing. Most of the time there's a day's notice. Maybe two. She's... overdue," the goldrider notes, her brow furrowing slightly at the thought.
"Overdue?" Vanya's forehead creases. "There's no chance someone could be ... well, could have given her something without her or your knowledge that will inhibit her rising, is there? I've heard there are herbs that can have odd reactions with some animals, but I don't know enough about animal husbandry." She's being paranoid, perhaps. "Anyway, the offer's legit, and if you need help with inventories or other hide-work, just ask. It's not like I have a lot of things to do right now." A wry smirk of her lips, now. "And, maybe things will work out somehow. I just don't see how, at the moment. Maybe I need a day away from here or something. Just to decompress."
"Citalth wouldn't allow anyone to give her medication or herbs. Not without consulting me," Sinopa replies before she breaks into a wry smile and teases the other. "Unless someone's been dosing all the herdbeasts." Not at all paranoid, but joking. "I'm sure it will... all work out in the end," she agrees, bringing her gaze down from the sky to the rock that she's sitting on. "I could use a good assistant," she agrees softly. "Someone I can trust, who can run some errands, and help out in general. If you'd like to... that is, after you've taken a day or two to rest. I could arrange for a dragon to take you somewhere. Anywhere you'd like."
Vanya seems thoughtful for a long moment. "I may take you up on that, Sinopa. There's someone back at Healer Hall who was ... well, he was always kind to me, stood up for me when this Journeyman set me up for a bad fall, that kind of thing. I find myself really wanting to talk to him these days," she says slowly. "Master Simbum specializes in ... well, there's not really a name for it officially, but some of us call it mindhealing. Psychology, mental disorders, emotional problems, that kind of thing." She's rambling a bit, and then falls silent. "I'd be an assistant for you, if you wished," Vanya says, looking at the Acting Senior. "I don't mind running errands, or doing hidework. I don't even mind organizing records and all. That was part of my duties for the Hall."
"Just let me know when you'd like to go and I'll have someone take you to the Hall. Or to wherever Master Simbum is posted," Sinopa replies. "Perhaps his words will carry some weight with the others?" she muses. "Something good may yet come of all this..." She glances over at the healer then and nods, "If you'd like... just let me know when you'd like to start." Or if, assuming that Master Simbum is able to do anything for Vanya.
"I'll have to write him and see what his schedule is like," Vanya replies. "He's posted to the Hall as an instructor, for the moment. He's not in the best of health, so they keep him close by these days." She smiles a little fondly, obviously missing the healer. "Thank you, and I'm sure things will work out. Maybe not the way I'd planned, but even if they end up taking my knot, I'm not without skills. I mean, it wouldn't be quite the same, but I could ... well, the Hall can't dictate what I do on my own. As long as I don't present myself as a Healer, I can still do some things." Things are starting to seem a little less dismal. "I can start as soon as you need me to, Sinopa. It will take time to hear back from Master Simbum, and, yes, he might speak for me. He has done so before." A pause. "R'zel and K'rom want me to fight this leave, but it might not be bad to take a bit of time off and distance myself from the stress."
"You should fight the leave," Sinopa agrees. "It's not quite right, suspending you based on hearsay that comes from a non-Healer. But... it's up to you, really," she concedes. "If you think that it would work, or you can find other things to wait out the time until you're re-instated." Pausing the weyrwoman crosses her arms, "You can start when you feel ready, how's that sound?" A brief pause and then, "How about we go inside somewhere? It's been getting chilly these past few evenings..."
Vanya nods, and seems in much better spirits now. "Yes, it has, and I've been rude keeping you out in the chill," she says, unfolding herself and climbing down from the rocks. "I'll walk you back to your weyr, and then I think I'm going to try and sleep. I don't know when they'll be taking E'sere to Telgar, but I'd like to at least see him once before he disappears." She smiles and waits for Sinopa to rise, as well. "And, I should be all right in a day or so. I'll let you know, I promise." She nods toward the weyrleaders' complex. "Please give my best to Citalth, and tell her she has excellent taste in riders." There's a soft chuckle from Vanya at this.
Sinopa chuckles as well as she stands up and climbs down from the rock as well, dusting herself off carefully once she's on the even ground. "She says, 'of course,'" the goldrider adds with a laugh and a wink. "Some sleep would do us all well. Particularly after today," she replies, beginning to move towards the northern portion of the weyr where her ledge is located.
"Sleep ... well, they say it does wonders, so maybe we'll wake up and find this has all been a nightmare," Vanya says, chuckling. But she knows better, even as she tries to laugh it off. "And, well, you may not need beauty sleep, but /I/ do." Vanya gives Sinopa a wide grin as they make their way across the bowl to the Weyrwoman's home.
Nothing like idle banter to keep spirits up and distract one's self from the reality of what is going on. With a laugh Sinopa retorts, "Ah, but it's sleep that is the success of such good looks. Try it. I dare say you'll wake up the loveliest lady on Pern."
Players: K'rom, R'zel, Vanya, Sinopa
Location: Lake Shore, Southen Bowl
Synopsis: Trial over. E'sere was found guilty. A small group of people meet out by the lake, and try to deal with the aftermath. It's not a pretty thing to see. Or to experience. (Warning: This is a long, emotional log.)
Southern Bowl,
Evening
The bowl floor is a broad expanse of gravel and dust, packed flat over decades of dragonweight landing on it. Kept free of vegetation, the only color variation across the vast hollow of the bowl are the dragons, in good weather often found sunning on low ledges or sprawled along the floor itself. The well-worn, charcoal-grey walls of the bowl are nearly vertical, far too steep for even the most adventurous climber to attempt. The rim of the bowl, marked by a rainbow of perching dragons at all times of the day, is topped with massive stone spires that stretch upwards into the blue vault of the sky. There are seven in all, great black fingers of stone that seem, from where you stand, to touch the clouds.
Here the lake dominates the bowl floor, wind-scattered waves lapping at the gravel shore. A few scrawny shrubs to the southeast mark the fenced-in enclosure of the feeding grounds, bordered on its southwestern edge by the lake itself. Following the wall here will lead to the entrance to the weyrling complex and, past that, the stairs that lead to the guest weyr. On the other side of the lake is a vast, yawning tunnel curving upwards slightly, connecting to the long road leading away from High Reaches Weyr. Adjoining the exit is the high arch of the infirmary entrance.
Is there life after the trial? Uncertain. Now that it's all over, Vanya's sought refuge by the lake. Alone, the obligatory pile of pebbles in her lap, lobbing them one by one into the lake. Toss, plunk. Toss, plunk. Over and over. Her expression is solemn, almost eerily so. No tears, no ranting, no raving. It's almost as if she's just not feeling anything. Alone. On the rock where she usually sits. Just ... existing.
K'rom is hanging around the Weyrling Barracks, lost in thought himself, not paying too much attention to anything and finally the plunking of pebbles gets his attention and he moves close enough to see it's Vanya and debates on speaking to her. He sighs slightly and turns back to the Barracks, not wanting to impose on her. For now. A pause then and Kie seems to reconsider and turns back then and moves back towards the lake. He hesitates and clears his throat a little to warn Vanya he's there.
At the sound of a throat clearing, Vanya turns her head, looking over her shoulder. Recognizing K'rom, she nods, but doesn't say anything for a long time. Finally, she sighs. "Hello, K'rom," she says, voice sounding very, very weary. Soul weary, would be a good description. Like everything in her world has shattered, and she can't even cry about it.
K'rom doesn't make a move closer and doesn't really seems like he wants to impose and says just loud enough for Vanya to here, "I'm sorry, Vanya." That's it, and nothing more for now.
Crunch. Crunch crunch rustle crackle crunch. No spinning about leaves for R'zel; he cuts an oddly childish figure as he makes his erratic way across the bowl, head down, shoulders high and tense, his steps loud as he goes out of his way to stomp on brilliant, crackly fallen leaves. But two figures in the distance make him fall still and silent, watching from some distance away.
There's nothing from Vanya for a long time, still, but the pebble tossing does resume. "Do you think if I toss enough pebbles in there it'll fill up?" she asks, voice still tired. Five more pebbles hit the water as she sits in silence. Then, "Don't be sorry, K'rom. You got what you wanted. You were afraid of E'sere, now he'll be gone. So, you're safe, the weyr's safe. Don't set out to do something and be sorry about it afterwards." She turns at the sound of another person approaching, body tensing. But she relaxes a little when she sees who it is. No greeting, though, other than a simple nod of the head. "Your side won, after all," she adds to K'rom."
K'rom snorts a little then, "My side? Like we all got together and decided that E'sere should pay? That's not what happened. I was asked to tell what I knew of Donavon and Leyron, and I did that. As N'ka spoke of E'sere blackmailing him." Kie sighs a little then, moving on, "I'm sorry that you have to go through this now since you are one of the true innocents in this. I am also sorry for Morelenth." Nothing is said about E'sere or any of the other as Kie looks over the lake.
One more moment, one more scuffing kick at the nearest leaves, and a grim-faced R'zel abandons his vantage point, nodding back at Vanya, then K'rom. "My duties to Iusath," he mumbles by rote before observing in a weary murmur, "I didn't watch the trial. I won't pump either of you for details." He stoops to gather up some rocks and pitch them into the lake with some force. "I can't believe it." Mumble mumble. "2C must be devastated." His soft, mumbled sentences are hollow, disjointed, interrupted occasionally by loud splashes from the thrown rocks. "What now?"
Vanya turns back to K'rom. "Well, I guess that all depends on your point of view, K'rom," she says softly. "It could be pointed out that from an outsider's point of view, appearances can be deceiving. And, from the evidence provided, it sure didn't look like E'sere was behind all the murders and blackmail, but ... hey, I'm a nobody, and my opinion doesn't really matter, does it?" She sighs. "Just don't apologize to me. I'm not the one who deserves the apology." Her eyes lift toward E'sere's weyr. "You /all/ ought to apologize to E'sere, but that's expecting a bit much." A bitter snort. "Well, I should go congratulate someone. They've managed to destroy /two/ people's lives and reputations." She glances up at R'zel. "I'm being a bitch again," she says bluntly. "You should have been there, R'zel. It was a /farce/, and, yes, 2C's morale is pretty low right now. L'ret is furious, so I heard."
K'rom nods slowly as he listens to Vanya, "Well, I know what it must look like, but that's not how it was actually." Kie looks up at E'sere's ledge then and back to Vanya, "I've been wanting to speak with him actually, but haven't been able to." No explaination of why that is is given though and he continues, "If they let visitors in now, I hope I can see him before they make him leave." He turns to R'zel then and nods, "My duties to Pangioth. The trial was....interesting." Kie doesn't go into much details then since he wasn't there for every part of it, just the parts after he tesified and some when N'ka did."
"I've seen worse, Vanya. All of 2C couldn't change a thing. I couldn't have changed anything, if I'd been there," R'zel replies dully, and the rock that flies from his hand makes a particularly loud splash. After loosing that rock, he stands back from the lake, closing his eyes and crossing his arms. "I hate feeling helpless. It's so hard to believe that E'sere could've fooled everyone for so long. Surely no one can be that good at acting." An touch of bitter irony twists one corner of his mouth at that, but it vanishes quickly into a morose frown. "Morelenth must be beside himself." The frown remains as he arches a brow at K'rom. "Interesting?" he repeats. Though he opens his mouth for more questions, he stops himself short, shaking his head as he moves a step back.
"No. Visitors." Vanya's voice is cold on that. "So, missed your chance. He'll be gone soon enough, but at least they didn't exile him -- though they might as well have." Bitter, yes. And it's pretty obvious she's upset. She didn't offer her duty to either dragon. "So ... there it is. The best hope this weyr ever had is being stripped of rank, his dragon mind-locked, and sent away. He can't fly without escort, and he can't see his friends. It would have been kinder to just exile him instead of making him sit outside and watch this weyr slowly die." She gives a short bark of bitter laughter. "And Aida called /me/ insane." And then she turns to R'zel. "You think E'sere was acting? Have they convinced you that he's guilty of all that?" There's sadness to her voice then. "I guess I really /am/ the only one who believes him..." Words trailing off into silence, until there's a catch in her throat. She lifts a fist and holds it in front of her mouth, wrapping the other arm across her stomach, as if in pain.
K'rom nods at R'zel first, "Yes, interesting. Though some of the verdicts did suprise me. I only expected E'sere to be guilty of the blackmails, so the rest suprised me..." He closes his mouth then and sighs. "Well, yes, no visitors....there goes that...." He takes a couple of steps back and then peers at Vanya, raising an eyebrow, "You okay?" He is concerned that she maybe in pain, but doesn't seem sure of what to do.
"No one can act that well. Not well enough to fool an entire Weyr. The High Reaches is full of eyes. And for so many years. It's impossible," R'zel clarifies (not very well) in choppy fragments, a faint edge to his voice. Crossed arms tighten. "It's impossible. Even E'sere can't pull off the impossible. I should've gone." He clears his throat. "I'm not making sense." K'rom's concern opens up tightly shut eyes, and he stares at Vanya with some alarm. A helpless glance goes to K'rom--er, what now? One hand reaches out to shake her by the shoulder. "Stop thinking on the verdict. Think about solutions, if you've gotta think at all." Not that he can think of any, but still.
Vanya doesn't answer K'rom's question about whether or not she's all right. Not for a long time. "Oh, I'm /fine/," she says, laughing. "I couldn't be better. Isn't every woman fine when the man she's in love with it humiliated and demeaned in front of a weyr he only tried to serve? How would /you/ feel if it was N'ka who'd just been snatched away from you, and you couldn't even see him before they shipped him off?" Now there's hurt in her voice. "If you'd stop to think for just a moment, and consider how someone else felt, maybe you'd understand how I feel right now. Grow up, K'rom. This isn't a Harper's tale. A man's life's work has just been destroyed by people he once called friends. Of /course/ I'm not all right." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I just can't be pleasant tonight. I'm sorry, but it hurts. I'm sorry I can't make you understand, and I'm sorry to break down like this in front of you, R'zel, but I'm only human."
K'rom snorts then and looks from Vanya to R'zel and back to Vanya but it's mainly to Vanya he speaks, "If it was N'ka who was snatched away, then I would be upset and saddened as well. I know that and which is why I turned back and said anything to you at all Vanya. I also know that I would have to accept the decision that was made and live with it. E'sere made some bad choices, as did N'ka and myself and we have to live with it and move on. You're right, this is no Harper's Tale and there is to be no happy ending." Kie shakes his head then and glances back at the Barracks.
"Stop. Just stop. Don't think. Certainly don't apologize about being pleasant, of all things. It really doesn't get better if you pick at it," R'zel offers, shortly before kicking some more good-sized rocks into the lake. "Thinking's not going to change anything, anyway." Not the most comforting thing to have said, under the circumstances, and he realizes this, judging by his mortified expression a split second after speaking. "Uh." Another helpless glance goes flicking from Vanya to K'rom. The young bronzerider is clearly lost at sea when it comes to soothing hurts.
"That's right, K'rom, I have to live with it, and I will," Vanya says softly. "But there's nothing in the rules of this game that says I have to /like/ it, or /enjoy/ it, is there? Is there some unwritten rule that says I have to be happy? Or not be angry? Or upset that some snip of a girl who doesn't even have a knot and /pretends/ to be a healer told her powerful friends I was crazy because she pushed and pushed and pushed me right after E'sere was poisoned and I exploded?" Vanya's voice doesn't even rise as she says all this, and she just shakes her head. "I don't know what I believe in anymore, R'zel. I believed in our justice system, and ... even E'sere tried to prepare me for the worst, but all of them -- they all said it was Aivey behind this, not E'sere, yet they still found him guilty. They won. Sharditall. They won." And now her face is buried in both hands and her shoulders shake. But there's no sound of tears. Just silence.
K'rom blinks and shakes his head a little, speaking softly, "No one is telling you how to feel Vanya. I know you have reasons to be upset and I'm sure I don't know all of it or understand all of it. From what I've seen though, there may not be any rules to life." Kie stops there, not really being the best for comfort, especially now and seems unsure of how to comfort Vanya and looks at R'zel then, wondering if he could help more.
Green eyes go wide. "Say what?" R'zel blurts out to the mention of "some snip of a girl." One hand reaches toward his forehead to massage at his temples. "No, never mind." Sighing, he just shakes his head. "Vanya, Vanya, Vanya. E'sere wouldn't want to see you hurt. Be strong for him, at least." Pause. If the greenrider's hoping on R'zel, well... "C'mon, physical therapy's good stuff, so let's go beat stuff up. Don't the guards have practice dummies or something like that around, K'rom?" Desperately grasping at straws now.
"I can't, R'zel," Vanya says firmly, pulling herself together. "I've been relieved of my healer's duties and placed on /leave/ for three months. I cannot practice /any/ medicine whatsoever because I exploded to someone when I was three-days' tired and said some things I tried not to say," she explains. "Because I tried to be nice, and /not/ tell her I suspected her friend to be the one behind all the stuff Aivey was doing, because of a stupid rumor and conversation I had with him. She's got powerful friends in the Caucus and in the weyr, and I don't. So ... she probably told one of her powerful friends that I was emotionally unstable and crazy. So, I've been suitably relieved of my duties while the Hall evaluates my mental state." She snorts. "I'd dare /anyone/ who just saved a man from being poisoned and up for three days straight not to sound a little crazy!" She sighs. "It also made my testimony suspect, and certainly helped /her/ side win a victory tonight. There it is. I don't know that's what she did, but she's the only one who ever called me crazy to my face."
K'rom glances at R'zel first, thinking, "Practice dummies? Oh yeah....I'm sure we can find something similar to help with that if they won't let us use what they have. Or just beat up on some of the old feed bags in the stables...." Kie shakes his head then and blinks at Vanya, "Well, I'm not sure who did that to you, but if it's just comments made when you're tired, can't you discuss it with Healer Hall? Try to change it? If we were all relieved of duty because of remarks we regretted when we're tired, then most of us probably would be relieved of duty." Kie snorts then and blinks, trying to think of something else to say and glances at R'zel again.
What? Lost, totally lost, R'zel stares puzzledly at Vanya for a moment, silent as he tries to catch up with the conversation's drift. A shrug shelves the topic of beating stuff up, and he launches in, nodding approvingly at the greenrider. "K'rom has a good point. Just explain yourself. To the girl, to Healer Hall. We could go with you, if you think we'd be of any help." He darts a vaguely apologetic look at the younger rider. Sorry for just volunteering you, man, says the look. "Who is the girl, anyway?"
"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" Vanya replies, lowering her hands and letting them rest on her knees. "But, when you add in the fact I'm involved with E'sere, well, the hall takes a dim view of healers who consort with convicted criminals. I somehow doubt I'll get a favorable verdict on my evaluation." She sighs, looking out over the lake. "I wish it were so simple, I really do, K'rom, but I doubt I'll see my knot after the three-months are up." Another sigh. "I don't think I have the energy left in me to beat up a practice dummy. I rather feel like a practice dummy myself, right now. Sucker punched when I'm down." She glances up at the two men with her, and tries to smile. It's just not happening. "I'll be all right. Really. I'm just still in shock. I should probably go get drunk or something, but with my luck, someone would see and that would get used against me, too." A wry quirk of her lips. "You know, I even tried to arrange an apology for Aida. In front of people she knew. She didn't even bother to reply."
K'rom nods at R'zel in agreement, "I would help if I could Vanya. You're a good Healer and have ideas that would be helpful, so surely the Healer Hall can see that?" Kie sighs then and shakes his head, "Also, getting drunk does no one any good, but if you do, then I recommend doing so where no one can see." Judging from Kie's tone, he's had experience with being drunk once. At the mention of Aida though, Kie blinks some and frowns, having had some experience with her himself, "Aida is not too....forgiving to say the least. I wish I could say her actions suprise me, but it doesn't."
"Drinks? Pfft. No good," R'zel says promptly, mustering up a shaky grin. "I've tried that out before--didn't work at all, that last time." Not that he elaborates, hastily moving on with a nod at K'rom. "But yeah, I'd drink somewhere out of the way." Then there's a thoughtful pause. "Aida. Don't know her personally." He puts up his hands in vague surrender. "You know her too?" he asks K'rom before returning his attention to the healer. "Vanya, maybe you should catch some sleep? For me at least, things tend to look better after a nap, and you can probably better figure out where to go from there."
"Thank you, K'rom, R'zel, for thinking of these things, but I've gone over and over things, and I'm not sure there's anything I can do. You see, physical therapy and massage aren't exactly orthodox treatment methods in some Master Healer's eyes. Some, yes, can see the merit of my research and practice, otherwise, I wouldn't have attained my Journeyman's rank to begin with. But, there are a few which view it as ... somewhat suspect. Master Simbum warned me there might be trouble down the road, but I was so sure of myself..." She hangs her head. "It's all so complicated. If I were a man, I don't even think this would've come up, but ... I'm a woman." She smiles wryly again. "The weyr is a lot more equal than the crafts, I'm afraid. And even here, it's not what you know or can do, it's who you know and can convince to believe your side of things." She pauses. "And, no, before you ask, no one's come from the Hall to see me or even asked to hear my side of things. And, no, I don't think I can sleep right now. I'm too wrought up. I'd just lay there awake and think."
K'rom nods at Vanya, listening and sighing some, "I am sorry to hear that Vanya. I know it must be difficult and I wish there was more we could do. If things were just a little more equal...." Kis closes his eyes then and sighs and then looks at R'zel, "Yes, I know Aida, though the only time we've spoken since I Impressed was at the gather, and then just briefly. Before I Impressed, it was....odd. Sometimes she was nice, other times we argued a lot and I never knew which when I ran into her." Kie sighs then, "I don't think you're the only one who won't sleep tonight, but you do need rest eventually."
"Oh," says R'zel to Vanya's explanation. And then "Oh" again to K'rom's description of Aida. Today is not one of his eloquent days. "Even lying in bed awake will help. A bed's more comfortable than the lakeshore, I'm sure. Maybe you'll even fall asleep sooner than you realize." He pauses a beat, glances toward Morelenth's ledge only to avert his gaze quickly. "And don't forget, you've got friends too." Another pause, shorter than the previous one. "I'm sure the posted healers who've seen your work will vouch for you."
"And, eventually I'll rest, just not immediately," Vanya assures K'rom. "Aida's never been very pleasant with me. Stand-offish and civil, yes, but not very friendly. What's so odd...? I used to envy her. She's well-liked, respected, has a good position. I just wanted to be friends, not so I could ride her popularity coattail, but maybe learn something from her." She shakes her head. "Now, I actually feel sorry for her. I think she must be a very unhappy person." Vanya shakes her head, but then looks up. "I know I have friends, R'zel, and you don't know how good that makes me feel. Especially now. I really just don't want to be alone." She pauses a second. "E'sere said he was going to have L'ret and his wing look out for me. I'd like to think the people I've helped here would speak up for me to the Hall, but ... I don't know if it will do any good."
K'rom nods at Vanya, answering the one question first, "Well, just odd in the sense that I never knew what I am in store for when I saw her. Maybe I wasn't good at reading her feelings then, I don't know. Since I became a Weyrling and she's involved with Caucas, we don't see each other and don't speak really so I may never know." That's the ens of the comments of Aida for Kie anyways. Kie blinks at Vanya, "Well, why don't you ask them to speak up for you? I will if you want me to. Or maybe even get statements from them for the Hall? Why not fight it and go for what you want Vanya?"
R'zel doesn't respond to the comments about Aida, but he does chime in with K'rom's next statements. "Yeah, I'm sure if they knew, your former patients would all be more than willing to help the healer who helped them before. They might even have ties back to Healer Hall. And perhaps the wingleaders who've taken up your exercises might have some influence too." He offers a grin, small but encouraging. "Fight it, Vanya. You told me yourself you're stubborn."
Vanya takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I don't know, K'rom. Maybe I'm too much of a coward to fight my own battles. I can always fight for others, but I've never been too good at standing up for myself. If I just let things lie, keep a low profile, maybe they'll reconsider. If I make a big stink about it, they may decide there's validity in what they heard." She shrugs. "I haven't had a lot of time to reason it out, I'll admit that. I mean, this just happened the other day, and then there was the trial." She snorts. "Maybe I should hire Master Ysidro and petition to have Aida brought up on charges of defamation of my character and ruination of my career?" But that's obviously a joke, since she actually laughs. "I'll think of something, no worries. I just need to get my feet back under me a little." She glances over at R'zel. "Stubborn, yes. Stupid? No." She sighs. "Look, I have made mistakes since I've been here. Not medically, but personally. There's gossip about me because I was stupid and got myself involved in a rather ... oh, listen to the gossip and you'll find out. And I've not been very discreet about what I feel for E'sere. Now, after he's been convicted, they can say I was involved with a known criminal. It's just complicated."
Kie blinks and nods, saying quietly, "I have made mistakes and been in gossip as well, so that I can relate to." A pause then and he turns to the Barracks, "My apologies though, Iusath is wondering where I'm at, so I must leave." He bows to R'zel and Vanya and addresses them both, "Clear skies and if ywither of you need me or want to chat, feel free."
"Why should Healer Hall care? What have personal relationships got to do with your healing skills? It doesn't make sense." R'zel frowns, but shakes his head in dismissal. "Forget it. Just focus on getting your feet under you again, Vanya," he concludes, his tone gentling. He returns K'rom's bow, adding, "Clear skies to you too. See you around."
"Clear skies, K'rom," Vanya replies, voice sounding a little stronger, if not any more energetic. "Give Iusath my best, and try to sleep some." She watches the weyrling walk away, then turns to R'zel. "That's just it, R'zel. It /shouldn't/ matter what I do in my personal life, as long as it doesn't interfere with my performance as a healer. I guess they're afraid of me tarnishing their image or something." She shrugs. "I can't explain it any clearer than I have. A question of my stability was brought to them, and they have to act upon it. The letter they sent said reports, plural. Maybe someone else said something. They didn't specify anything, just said they thought I could use some time off, and said I was being left at the weyr since it would be /cruel/ to remove me." She just sighs. "I don't know what's going on anymore. I just want --"
"Reports," R'zel repeats thoughtfully, raking a careless hand through his curls before prompting, "You just want...?"
Vanya's quiet a moment. "I just want things to go back to the way they were, is all. I wish I'd never started to feel something for someone, maybe. I was better off when I didn't care for anyone except my patients." She looks out over the lake, refusing to look up at E'sere's weyr again. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him, R'zel. I just wanted to be friends. And then ... the night he almost died, I knew it was deeper than that." Another soft sigh. "By then, I guess it was too late."
Something in Vanya's words draw a small, dry chuckle from R'zel. "If love went where we would have it go, life would be a lot more boring." His hand goes raking through his curls again, messing them up more than anything constructive. "It's easy to admire him, to love him. Look at 2C. Look at all the old wishful gossip from lower caverns girls who only wish they were in your place." He crosses his arms again, shoulders hunching. "It's not wrong to care for him."
"A lot of people think so, R'zel," Vanya says. "And a lot of them think I was just used or taken for a ride by him. I asked him right after he was arrested if he had lied to me about us. About the two of us together. He said he wasn't, but I wonder if it was all an act, now. I can handle anything as long as I know he wasn't ... lying to me about how he feels for me. I really don't believe he was, but there are so many things now that ... just ... oh, shells, R'zel, I can't see him anymore. I'm hoping they'll at least let him receive letters, but I'm sure they won't let him have visitors at Telgar, or if they do, it'll be with guards again." She wraps her arms around her midsection again, but doesn't cry. "I just want to hold him and be with him again. That's all I want. I'd have gone into exile with him, or stuck it out until he came back. But now he's so close and yet so far away."
"When I dropped in to visit him that time, he asked about you first," R'zel states simply, firmly. "Make of it what you will. The whole thing's between you and him, anyhow." He sinks down on the gravel of the lakeshore, stretching out his long legs until his boots barely reach the lapping waves. More rocks go flying into the waters. "It's out of my hands. Always has been." Faranth knows what he's referring to.
Vanya smiles at the young bronzerider. "That was sweet of you to tell me, R'zel," she says softly, her voice a lot stronger now. "I believed him when he told me he loved me, but I guess it's so easy to question things when you go through something like what just happened tonight." There's a moment of silence, and a "plunk" as Vanya tosses another pebble into the lake. "I'll be all right, R'zel, and maybe they'll let him have visitors at Telgar. It's only a jump Between to get there, after all." A pause. "What's out of your hands?" she asks.
R'zel continues to intently pitch rocks into the pool throughout Vanya's soft, stronger words, until her final question sinks in. Brows arching, he glances over at her, then offers a grin that quirks into a smirk. "The rocks, of course. I'm sure you can see that." Back to said rocks, though he does add, "It shouldn't be too hard to arrange for transport to Telgar, when they let him have visitors."
Treading lightly across the bowl is Sinopa, the sound of gravel softly crunching precipitating her arrival. Though it's night, the weyrwoman walks alone. The sound of voices draws her attention and her course carries her towards the gathering of R'zel and Vanya. "Evening," she greets from a short distance, so as not to scare them.
"Probably, /if/ they allow him visitors at all," Vanya says, voice soft. Another pebble bites the ... water. "Rocks. Yes. Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks for what ails the world," she adds, a smirk on her lips. "I'm almost sorry I snapped at K'rom, but he sat there on the witness stand and admitted he lied about his age to the guards, and /asked/ to help E'sere with ... whatever it was he was trying to do. I don't know, anymore." She sighs. "But, he also needs to grow up a bit --" She stops talking when she hears Sinopa's voice, turning her head toward the Weyrwoman. "Oh, Sinopa, it's so /good/ to hear your voice," Vanya says softly. "I've been driving poor R'zel crazy with my awful mood. Now I can torture you both." She's trying to joke, but it's not easy.
"/When/ they allow him visitors," R'zel amends firmly, his left arm circling around one knee. "And I've almost as few years as K'rom, I think, so we've all got some growing up to do. I should check the harper records of the trial--they do have them, right?--for what little good it might do." He squints in the direction of the greeting. "Evening," he greets in return, pausing before adding the title with a questioning lilt, "Weyrwoman?" Then Vanya goes and confirms the woman's identity. "Weyrwoman." Sans the questioning lilt this time. "Did you come to make a splash?" With that question, another rock is thrown into the lake.
"Vanya," Sinopa greets after a moment, as though it took some time to process the other woman's presence. And then, more smoothly she adds, "I find it difficult to believe that you could ever cause anyone harm, or torture as the case may be. How are you... doing?" It's the question of the night, and perhaps a deadly one. R'zel gets a nod and smile. "A splash? No.. I merely went for a little walk. And then found the two of you."
"I'm doing as well as can be expected," Vanya replies. "I've ranted, raved, torn out my hair a bit, chewed K'rom up a bit, and basically tried to reconcile life with E'sere at Telgar." She chuckles softly, and offers a smile. "So near and so far. I suppose you know all about it, so I won't go back over it. I'm sorry Sinopa. I never thought they'd find him guilty." She holds out a hand toward the weyrwoman. "Join me on my rock? I've a pile of pebbles and I've been trying to fill the lake one pebble at a time for about a month or so now." And then she looks at R'zel. "When they allow him visitors. I should be thinking more positively, you're right about that. And, neither of you know how much I want to go mix up some herbs that relieve constipation and serve it to a few Weyrleaders and Harpers, so don't think too highly of me right now." There's a laugh after that, yes. She really /wouldn't/ do that to anyone. Really!
"Without an escort, Weyrwoman Sinopa?" R'zel straightens up and squints again, trying to see if there is one somewhere in the darkness. "Such a tragic loss for..." For whom, he never quite gets around to saying, faltering in the middle of his teasing sentence. In the dark, it's more than difficult to see his eyes going distant in mind communication. "Please excuse me, both of you." The grin on his face is evident in his words. "I dare say you'll find each other's company more pleasant than mine, anyhow. See you around, Weyrwoman, and take care, Vanya." A rustle of gravel, and he's up and away.
"For us," Sinopa finishes for the bronzerider. "I had no idea that they would find him guilty either. It's... going to be difficult without him around. I had hoped that the others would balance out J'cor's prejudice, but..." she trails off and shrugs, taking the healer's hand and climbing carefully up onto the rock to sit next to Vanya. "Take care," she says simply to R'zel, before adding, "Come and find me sometime. We should catch up and talk."
"Yes, well, what can I say? Prejudices aside, and present company excluded, I've not been very impressed by the leadership of the weyr," Vanya says softly, then glances to R'zel. "Thank you, R'zel. I'm sorry I wasn't better company. Things will be better soon, I hope. I'll look for you to join me sometime again jogging. And, my best to Pangioth, please." She then watches the young rider leaving. "I can't believe it, Sinopa. It would have been easier if they'd exiled him, but I can see why they didn't. They couldn't control him if he was exiled. Now, they can torment him at leisure, and ... it's almost worse."
"It would be dangerous if they exiled him," Sinopa replies. "They want him under control, away from here, and closely watched." The barest of shrugs as she gets as comfortable on a rock as one can. "The leadership declines when the leaders become threatened," she muses. "Ganathon lost Hirth... so he transferred in a woman whose dragon was moments from rising. Now Karth is injured and cannot fly, so J'cor is threatened. He's... bitter and trying to hold his power. And get revenge for Yevide." The acting senior turns to look at Vanya, "Wouldn't you agree?"
Vanya listens and nods. "I think you've the right of it, Sinopa. And, E'sere was decidedly a threat. After all, he was competent to lead," she says, agreeing. She draws her feet up onto the rock, wrapping her arms around her knees. "So, E'sere takes the fall for them all. It's so unfair." Still, she sighs and tries to be positive. "Maybe you can petition to visit him. Surely they won't deny a Weyrwoman's request. Me? I doubt they'd let me within a mile of him. Rank has it's privileges." That's not meant as a snide remark. Not at all. In fact, it's said with a bit of affection. "You're going to have to be very careful, Sinopa. They're going to do their best to discredit you, and rob you of your rightful position. Please ... be very wary of them."
"Oh, I'm quite aware of what they'd like to do with me," the weyrwoman replies flatly, her gaze drifting out to the lake's surface. "It would be best if I don't see E'sere for a while, unfortunately," she comments idly, lifting a hand to gesture as she speaks "They've already certainly got a few... ideas. And until things are resolved..." Sinopa doesn't finish that sentence though and her hand falls back to clasp her other hand.
"I know what you mean. Likely they won't let him have visitors for a while anyway," Vanya remarks sadly. "And, I'm glad you're aware of what they're going to try to do. I don't want to see them hurt someone else I've come to care about," she adds. "It's going to be difficult without him, but if I can ever do anything for you, please let me know? Even if it's just to offer a shoulder. After all you've done for me, just listening to me whine and cry into my wine, it's the least I can do." She's quiet for a moment. "Is there any sign of Citalth rising soon? I don't know that much about dragon physiology, but it should be soon, shouldn't it?"
The other's offer of being a listener now and then brings a smile to Sinopa's lips. "Thank you," she says after a moment of silence. "The same goes for you." Sinopa's gaze then lifts to look out across the lake for a moment before she tilts her head back to look up at the sky. "It's a rather sudden thing. Most of the time there's a day's notice. Maybe two. She's... overdue," the goldrider notes, her brow furrowing slightly at the thought.
"Overdue?" Vanya's forehead creases. "There's no chance someone could be ... well, could have given her something without her or your knowledge that will inhibit her rising, is there? I've heard there are herbs that can have odd reactions with some animals, but I don't know enough about animal husbandry." She's being paranoid, perhaps. "Anyway, the offer's legit, and if you need help with inventories or other hide-work, just ask. It's not like I have a lot of things to do right now." A wry smirk of her lips, now. "And, maybe things will work out somehow. I just don't see how, at the moment. Maybe I need a day away from here or something. Just to decompress."
"Citalth wouldn't allow anyone to give her medication or herbs. Not without consulting me," Sinopa replies before she breaks into a wry smile and teases the other. "Unless someone's been dosing all the herdbeasts." Not at all paranoid, but joking. "I'm sure it will... all work out in the end," she agrees, bringing her gaze down from the sky to the rock that she's sitting on. "I could use a good assistant," she agrees softly. "Someone I can trust, who can run some errands, and help out in general. If you'd like to... that is, after you've taken a day or two to rest. I could arrange for a dragon to take you somewhere. Anywhere you'd like."
Vanya seems thoughtful for a long moment. "I may take you up on that, Sinopa. There's someone back at Healer Hall who was ... well, he was always kind to me, stood up for me when this Journeyman set me up for a bad fall, that kind of thing. I find myself really wanting to talk to him these days," she says slowly. "Master Simbum specializes in ... well, there's not really a name for it officially, but some of us call it mindhealing. Psychology, mental disorders, emotional problems, that kind of thing." She's rambling a bit, and then falls silent. "I'd be an assistant for you, if you wished," Vanya says, looking at the Acting Senior. "I don't mind running errands, or doing hidework. I don't even mind organizing records and all. That was part of my duties for the Hall."
"Just let me know when you'd like to go and I'll have someone take you to the Hall. Or to wherever Master Simbum is posted," Sinopa replies. "Perhaps his words will carry some weight with the others?" she muses. "Something good may yet come of all this..." She glances over at the healer then and nods, "If you'd like... just let me know when you'd like to start." Or if, assuming that Master Simbum is able to do anything for Vanya.
"I'll have to write him and see what his schedule is like," Vanya replies. "He's posted to the Hall as an instructor, for the moment. He's not in the best of health, so they keep him close by these days." She smiles a little fondly, obviously missing the healer. "Thank you, and I'm sure things will work out. Maybe not the way I'd planned, but even if they end up taking my knot, I'm not without skills. I mean, it wouldn't be quite the same, but I could ... well, the Hall can't dictate what I do on my own. As long as I don't present myself as a Healer, I can still do some things." Things are starting to seem a little less dismal. "I can start as soon as you need me to, Sinopa. It will take time to hear back from Master Simbum, and, yes, he might speak for me. He has done so before." A pause. "R'zel and K'rom want me to fight this leave, but it might not be bad to take a bit of time off and distance myself from the stress."
"You should fight the leave," Sinopa agrees. "It's not quite right, suspending you based on hearsay that comes from a non-Healer. But... it's up to you, really," she concedes. "If you think that it would work, or you can find other things to wait out the time until you're re-instated." Pausing the weyrwoman crosses her arms, "You can start when you feel ready, how's that sound?" A brief pause and then, "How about we go inside somewhere? It's been getting chilly these past few evenings..."
Vanya nods, and seems in much better spirits now. "Yes, it has, and I've been rude keeping you out in the chill," she says, unfolding herself and climbing down from the rocks. "I'll walk you back to your weyr, and then I think I'm going to try and sleep. I don't know when they'll be taking E'sere to Telgar, but I'd like to at least see him once before he disappears." She smiles and waits for Sinopa to rise, as well. "And, I should be all right in a day or so. I'll let you know, I promise." She nods toward the weyrleaders' complex. "Please give my best to Citalth, and tell her she has excellent taste in riders." There's a soft chuckle from Vanya at this.
Sinopa chuckles as well as she stands up and climbs down from the rock as well, dusting herself off carefully once she's on the even ground. "She says, 'of course,'" the goldrider adds with a laugh and a wink. "Some sleep would do us all well. Particularly after today," she replies, beginning to move towards the northern portion of the weyr where her ledge is located.
"Sleep ... well, they say it does wonders, so maybe we'll wake up and find this has all been a nightmare," Vanya says, chuckling. But she knows better, even as she tries to laugh it off. "And, well, you may not need beauty sleep, but /I/ do." Vanya gives Sinopa a wide grin as they make their way across the bowl to the Weyrwoman's home.
Nothing like idle banter to keep spirits up and distract one's self from the reality of what is going on. With a laugh Sinopa retorts, "Ah, but it's sleep that is the success of such good looks. Try it. I dare say you'll wake up the loveliest lady on Pern."