(no subject)
what am i doing? i go to school, come home sometimes hang out with abby and jesse which is fun, my parents just worry about me but theres no point cause i dont need there help, and if i did they couldnt give it to me. i have maybe four friends if you count tom and danielle. i guess i could call danielle a friend. but tom...what has he done lately that classifies him as a friend, i think of him alot, do things for him, care how he feels, buy him shit, call him, talk to him, but what has he done for me? i guess i can give him that he calls me some nights (used to be everynight untill i told him he didnt have to if he didnt want to, i told him i love it when he calls but if he doesnt want to talk then dont call...so he stoped calling as much) whats that tell you. if im in a bad mood or having trouble he tells me he feels bad but what does he do? i tell him all the time what i enjoy doing most with my friends is talking...am i the only one? but yet whenever i talk to him he gets pissed or just gives yes or no's proving once again he doesnt care.
kevin i love to death, just like tom but kevin actually does do stuff for me and cares about me, and calls to talk for both our benifets not just to make me happy. but he knows damn well that if he smokes again, it will once again make me question what ive been doing for the last three years of my life, what my pourpose is. and he knows very well that it will crush me, but yet i know he will do it, because he cares about himself to much and not others, but i still love both of them.
abby i love a very lot, and she cares about me to, she thinks about me more than they do sometimes. maybe thats why i've been hanging out with her lately. or is it just cause they dont have time for me, im not up there on the priority list, that is definitly a truth, and part of the reason we dont hang out as much. they dont call me to hang out,abby does. i have to call them EVERY SINGLE TIME! abby calls me, i dont have to beg her to hang out with me for my benifit.
am i the only one that cares about other people before myself? am i the only one who would lay down my life for the people i love without thinking twice...withtout thinking once? i think i am...but what do i get in return? just self pitty and pain.
only one person is gonna read this, and i dont even have to say who it is.
kevin i love to death, just like tom but kevin actually does do stuff for me and cares about me, and calls to talk for both our benifets not just to make me happy. but he knows damn well that if he smokes again, it will once again make me question what ive been doing for the last three years of my life, what my pourpose is. and he knows very well that it will crush me, but yet i know he will do it, because he cares about himself to much and not others, but i still love both of them.
abby i love a very lot, and she cares about me to, she thinks about me more than they do sometimes. maybe thats why i've been hanging out with her lately. or is it just cause they dont have time for me, im not up there on the priority list, that is definitly a truth, and part of the reason we dont hang out as much. they dont call me to hang out,abby does. i have to call them EVERY SINGLE TIME! abby calls me, i dont have to beg her to hang out with me for my benifit.
am i the only one that cares about other people before myself? am i the only one who would lay down my life for the people i love without thinking twice...withtout thinking once? i think i am...but what do i get in return? just self pitty and pain.
only one person is gonna read this, and i dont even have to say who it is.