(no subject)
It's been about a year now, since I last posted here, Journal. So much has changed since the last post... I have learned so much about myself. It truly amazes me to come here and reflect on where I was in life during my last post. I was so naive then, but then again, I feel that way every time I reflect on my younger self.
I have hit a point, in my life, where I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel older, or if I'm just now realizing how short I perceive time to be. I definitely do not think the way that I used to think a year ago. I never reflected on things like Cosmic Time, or the Temporariness of Humanity. I just didn't think that way...
[lj-cut text="Some reflections on myself from the last year..."]
It was roughly a year ago now that I learned how to press inwards through my own consciousness. I have been able to truly explore who I have become. I can identify things I like about me, and things I am changing about me, and that is all so very important to me now. This is all something that has taken place during a perceived-year.
Some things I have to face as a result of reflecting on these posts: quite a few very important lessons for myself...
-This year is in no way the end of my inward journey, or self-realization. I must never view it that way. To look at myself as if I am done changing is the end of my growth as a person, and therefore marks the end of my .
-Being in touch with myself introduced a much more intense relationship with my own feelings. My awareness and connection to my emotional self is both intensely gratifying and slightly terrifying. (I can't hide from any feelings, at least not as long as the place I hide them is a place I explore often.)
-I feel a connection and hyper-awareness of others around me. I feel the energy of people around me, as well as the the emotional auras that they give off. Again, this is terrifying. There is some very powerful negative energy in the general population, you know? I would really hate to know what type of stuff that these people manifest into their own lives :/
-I have an incredibly improved understanding and awareness of the space around me. I am able to understand reality as planar. I can manipulate objects to create illusions, using only my understanding of physics and planar space. I'm not meaning to brag, or anything, but I have improved on my Poi (and multiple other flow tools and circus props) so much as a result!
-I have to balance on the borders of what is accepted by our society, and what I must do to achieve my dreams, to fulfill my own happiness. I'm not saying there is any problem that I have with this, but there are a lot of things about social acceptance that I don't really give a rats ass about. This could relate to a number of areas. For instance, it is unrealistic to move to the Bay Area with no money saved up and no friends in which to stay with and no job. All while attending a grossly overpriced audio school that can't promise any jobs or job market to its alumni. Instead I have to compromise and finish here where it is cheaper. Or I could say that I have to face judgment and persecution for my choice in hairstyle or wearing the piercings I have permanently implanted into my neck (I can't remove them...), for instance, at work. I have to balance my needs by hiding these features and toning down as much as I can for others to be pleased with how I look.
[/lj-cut]
I wish I had time to finish typing more, but I really need to go to bed. If I feel like it, I'll add more tomorrow.
I have hit a point, in my life, where I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel older, or if I'm just now realizing how short I perceive time to be. I definitely do not think the way that I used to think a year ago. I never reflected on things like Cosmic Time, or the Temporariness of Humanity. I just didn't think that way...
[lj-cut text="Some reflections on myself from the last year..."]
It was roughly a year ago now that I learned how to press inwards through my own consciousness. I have been able to truly explore who I have become. I can identify things I like about me, and things I am changing about me, and that is all so very important to me now. This is all something that has taken place during a perceived-year.
Some things I have to face as a result of reflecting on these posts: quite a few very important lessons for myself...
-This year is in no way the end of my inward journey, or self-realization. I must never view it that way. To look at myself as if I am done changing is the end of my growth as a person, and therefore marks the end of my .
-Being in touch with myself introduced a much more intense relationship with my own feelings. My awareness and connection to my emotional self is both intensely gratifying and slightly terrifying. (I can't hide from any feelings, at least not as long as the place I hide them is a place I explore often.)
-I feel a connection and hyper-awareness of others around me. I feel the energy of people around me, as well as the the emotional auras that they give off. Again, this is terrifying. There is some very powerful negative energy in the general population, you know? I would really hate to know what type of stuff that these people manifest into their own lives :/
-I have an incredibly improved understanding and awareness of the space around me. I am able to understand reality as planar. I can manipulate objects to create illusions, using only my understanding of physics and planar space. I'm not meaning to brag, or anything, but I have improved on my Poi (and multiple other flow tools and circus props) so much as a result!
-I have to balance on the borders of what is accepted by our society, and what I must do to achieve my dreams, to fulfill my own happiness. I'm not saying there is any problem that I have with this, but there are a lot of things about social acceptance that I don't really give a rats ass about. This could relate to a number of areas. For instance, it is unrealistic to move to the Bay Area with no money saved up and no friends in which to stay with and no job. All while attending a grossly overpriced audio school that can't promise any jobs or job market to its alumni. Instead I have to compromise and finish here where it is cheaper. Or I could say that I have to face judgment and persecution for my choice in hairstyle or wearing the piercings I have permanently implanted into my neck (I can't remove them...), for instance, at work. I have to balance my needs by hiding these features and toning down as much as I can for others to be pleased with how I look.
[/lj-cut]
I wish I had time to finish typing more, but I really need to go to bed. If I feel like it, I'll add more tomorrow.