(no subject)
I hate updating. I hate it. I wish i could type privately, but still have people comment. I wish i could say anything about you and you and you, without you feeling that i hate you and only think badly of you.
I wish you could take constructive critizism. I wish i could. I wish Jason could. I feel i can't tell anyone if they've hurt me anymore.. lately everyone has been very touchy. Maybe it's because friends are graduating, maybe it's because we're all nervous about some class exams. But i don't understand.
I know everyone is hyped up about the end of the year, but i'm not. I'm honestly not excited one bit. I will miss chase, and abe, and chad. Definitely. Those are my boys and they are my locker friends. All five of us have been together all year, and next year it'll be a wave, then a smile, then nothing. And that, to me, is sad. I know they won't think twice about it, but i will. i do.
I had to yell at my dog today. He got out and let the other dogs out into the yard, and i had to yell. Mister is my baby. He stays around, he loves to play, hes a big beast but he's the nicest. He is a protecter, he is a lover, he is a dirty fighter. But he is my baby, and i had to yell. Usually, he's good for everyone.. but today he was an absolute dumbass, and i hated him. I told him i hated him, i spanked his butt, i yelled in his ear, and i wouldn't talk to him when he came around. Ever since i've been home he's been hanging around me like never before, and i take that seriously. He is my little boy, and i was bad and so was he. I feel like shit. I hate yelling and especially when i know it hurts.
My stomach is in knots. I will miss jon parks and sabrina and leslie. i will miss mrs morgan, the dumb bitch.
I don't miss anyone, usually. I don't like to dewell on things that aren't controllable. wihruew9thguirynhuwrhg
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET AT HERE. hah
Angel has been acting down lately, and i want to hug her.
I went to a catholic church thing for graduation and it was very VERY interesting.
I told jason my thoughts and i didn't get positive feedback.
maybe i will study the catholic religion, and be apart of something for ME. not you, not your mom, and definitely not your dad. Maybe i will get up at 7:00 every sunday morning and go to a catholic church. Maybe i will do the comission thing (?) and go to confessions. Maybe i will eat bread and drink wine and love something i'll never know is true or not. Maybe i'll believe in something that I want to believe in. Maybe I will have enough guts to stick up for something that is a total TOSSUP on either sides, and believe I am right.
Maybe.
I wish you could take constructive critizism. I wish i could. I wish Jason could. I feel i can't tell anyone if they've hurt me anymore.. lately everyone has been very touchy. Maybe it's because friends are graduating, maybe it's because we're all nervous about some class exams. But i don't understand.
I know everyone is hyped up about the end of the year, but i'm not. I'm honestly not excited one bit. I will miss chase, and abe, and chad. Definitely. Those are my boys and they are my locker friends. All five of us have been together all year, and next year it'll be a wave, then a smile, then nothing. And that, to me, is sad. I know they won't think twice about it, but i will. i do.
I had to yell at my dog today. He got out and let the other dogs out into the yard, and i had to yell. Mister is my baby. He stays around, he loves to play, hes a big beast but he's the nicest. He is a protecter, he is a lover, he is a dirty fighter. But he is my baby, and i had to yell. Usually, he's good for everyone.. but today he was an absolute dumbass, and i hated him. I told him i hated him, i spanked his butt, i yelled in his ear, and i wouldn't talk to him when he came around. Ever since i've been home he's been hanging around me like never before, and i take that seriously. He is my little boy, and i was bad and so was he. I feel like shit. I hate yelling and especially when i know it hurts.
My stomach is in knots. I will miss jon parks and sabrina and leslie. i will miss mrs morgan, the dumb bitch.
I don't miss anyone, usually. I don't like to dewell on things that aren't controllable. wihruew9thguirynhuwrhg
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET AT HERE. hah
Angel has been acting down lately, and i want to hug her.
I went to a catholic church thing for graduation and it was very VERY interesting.
I told jason my thoughts and i didn't get positive feedback.
maybe i will study the catholic religion, and be apart of something for ME. not you, not your mom, and definitely not your dad. Maybe i will get up at 7:00 every sunday morning and go to a catholic church. Maybe i will do the comission thing (?) and go to confessions. Maybe i will eat bread and drink wine and love something i'll never know is true or not. Maybe i'll believe in something that I want to believe in. Maybe I will have enough guts to stick up for something that is a total TOSSUP on either sides, and believe I am right.
Maybe.