Scattered
I really feel the need to write. Things I hope will get better. I've tried to plan it out to be better. I really hope the man calls me back about the job for $10 an hour. I mean.. I have the job but he's setting up the store... so it still seems a little iffy.
These past few days have been torture. I've been out of my medication for only a few days and I can tell a difference. I feel drunk even though I'm not. My face and lips feel numb and I feel like my equilibrium is off. I often feel faint. I walked into work and warned my boss about how I felt and his response was "So I could drag you into the bathroom and fuck you and you may not even know it." Fucking crazy. That is so sick! I'd rather puke, eat my puke, and puke again. My response to him while staring at the huge pizza cutting knives was "Probably not with all these knives around." What sick asshole. Plus he has a wife and kids and always goes out to the bar and sleeps at his stores. What a genuine jerk-off.
Preston is the biggest asshole I've ever known. I can't believe anyone could ever even render the thought of putting him in a place of power. Yes he is available to work a lot... that's his only check in the plus column. All he seems to have to talk about is how he goes out to the bars around flint town every night. Not only are they skeezy but they are also 18 and up bars. What a creeper, he hangs out with such young ladies so he can degrade them into thinking he's better so they will try and win his acceptance. It's so ridiculous. I wish I could tell Kirstin how much of a loser he was in high school. She seems to be bitchy but I think it's all an act to be cool with pee-stain =) She's probably a good person inside. Even though shes a snitch and told on me for taking a $1 pop. That was bullshit. I really wanted to punch her. Of course I never would... it's great to think about though ;) I had to return bottles that day just to afford the gas for work. People don't tip shit and gas is so expensive. Plus were supposed to get a credit of $6 for a meal while were working... but I cant use it because you have to be in the store while you eat. You cant get it before you go home. I cant eat when I deliver. I hate this job. I have never hated a job more than this one ever in my entire life. I don't feel like I'm hard to get along with. Actually.. preston didn't feel like I was hard to get along with when he took me to an apple orchard a couple years back. Once he found out it wasn't a date he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He was the biggest nerd in school because he was an asshole. He's not an asshole because he got picked on... I wish that was the case. He's just a genuine ass. I relish the fact that I kicked him in the nuts in high school. I need to work with older people. Calm people. Normal people. People who don't try to impress people by telling the whole world they don't have a gag reflex. wow... how very whorish.
The other old douche sucks too. At first I thought he seemed really sweet. That soon changed. Everyone warned me that he was a jerk. For awhile I didn't see it. A couple weeks in I finally found the prick inside him. Him and his snide asshole comments. He talks to me like I'm a child. People there may still be in high school... but I'm not one of em. I'm about 6 years past! You think he'd treat me with a little more respect. Commenting on the proofer not being "daddy's car" was the best one. I bumped JUST BUMPED the proofer which is on wheels into a metal table which is also on wheels. I didn't even bump the table hard enough to hear or move it and he commented on me bumping the table. I said wow it was just a bump... and he said "you wouldn't say that if it was Daddy's car." FUCK HIM! What an asshat. Does he think my "Daddy" bought my car? He sure didn't. I drive a neon which is a stick. Does a father buy a daughter a shitty manual car? Probably not. Were poor. I have to pay for my own things. My parents lost their house. He's a fucking jerk. He must be getting me mixed up with the normal day to day Grand Blanc bitch.
Also just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't deliver just as much fucking pie as a guy. When it was my turn to drive and a party order was up they didn't let me take it. That's fucking bullshit. It was my turn. I would have enjoyed that tip on that big order. Pus, they haven't trained me for shit. Usually you get trained.... so I thought.
Oh and Fuck Walmart. I get 10 more milligrams added to my script and somehow it goes from $4 for the 20 mg I was getting to $31. Makes no sense. Good to know I couldn't afford the medicine that makes me not want to kill myself. I just went home and cried.
If it wasn't for spending my free time disc golfing and cuddling with Jason I would be so unhappy. Thank god I have him. I should never ever take him for granted.
These past few days have been torture. I've been out of my medication for only a few days and I can tell a difference. I feel drunk even though I'm not. My face and lips feel numb and I feel like my equilibrium is off. I often feel faint. I walked into work and warned my boss about how I felt and his response was "So I could drag you into the bathroom and fuck you and you may not even know it." Fucking crazy. That is so sick! I'd rather puke, eat my puke, and puke again. My response to him while staring at the huge pizza cutting knives was "Probably not with all these knives around." What sick asshole. Plus he has a wife and kids and always goes out to the bar and sleeps at his stores. What a genuine jerk-off.
Preston is the biggest asshole I've ever known. I can't believe anyone could ever even render the thought of putting him in a place of power. Yes he is available to work a lot... that's his only check in the plus column. All he seems to have to talk about is how he goes out to the bars around flint town every night. Not only are they skeezy but they are also 18 and up bars. What a creeper, he hangs out with such young ladies so he can degrade them into thinking he's better so they will try and win his acceptance. It's so ridiculous. I wish I could tell Kirstin how much of a loser he was in high school. She seems to be bitchy but I think it's all an act to be cool with pee-stain =) She's probably a good person inside. Even though shes a snitch and told on me for taking a $1 pop. That was bullshit. I really wanted to punch her. Of course I never would... it's great to think about though ;) I had to return bottles that day just to afford the gas for work. People don't tip shit and gas is so expensive. Plus were supposed to get a credit of $6 for a meal while were working... but I cant use it because you have to be in the store while you eat. You cant get it before you go home. I cant eat when I deliver. I hate this job. I have never hated a job more than this one ever in my entire life. I don't feel like I'm hard to get along with. Actually.. preston didn't feel like I was hard to get along with when he took me to an apple orchard a couple years back. Once he found out it wasn't a date he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He was the biggest nerd in school because he was an asshole. He's not an asshole because he got picked on... I wish that was the case. He's just a genuine ass. I relish the fact that I kicked him in the nuts in high school. I need to work with older people. Calm people. Normal people. People who don't try to impress people by telling the whole world they don't have a gag reflex. wow... how very whorish.
The other old douche sucks too. At first I thought he seemed really sweet. That soon changed. Everyone warned me that he was a jerk. For awhile I didn't see it. A couple weeks in I finally found the prick inside him. Him and his snide asshole comments. He talks to me like I'm a child. People there may still be in high school... but I'm not one of em. I'm about 6 years past! You think he'd treat me with a little more respect. Commenting on the proofer not being "daddy's car" was the best one. I bumped JUST BUMPED the proofer which is on wheels into a metal table which is also on wheels. I didn't even bump the table hard enough to hear or move it and he commented on me bumping the table. I said wow it was just a bump... and he said "you wouldn't say that if it was Daddy's car." FUCK HIM! What an asshat. Does he think my "Daddy" bought my car? He sure didn't. I drive a neon which is a stick. Does a father buy a daughter a shitty manual car? Probably not. Were poor. I have to pay for my own things. My parents lost their house. He's a fucking jerk. He must be getting me mixed up with the normal day to day Grand Blanc bitch.
Also just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't deliver just as much fucking pie as a guy. When it was my turn to drive and a party order was up they didn't let me take it. That's fucking bullshit. It was my turn. I would have enjoyed that tip on that big order. Pus, they haven't trained me for shit. Usually you get trained.... so I thought.
Oh and Fuck Walmart. I get 10 more milligrams added to my script and somehow it goes from $4 for the 20 mg I was getting to $31. Makes no sense. Good to know I couldn't afford the medicine that makes me not want to kill myself. I just went home and cried.
If it wasn't for spending my free time disc golfing and cuddling with Jason I would be so unhappy. Thank god I have him. I should never ever take him for granted.