wHaTeVeR
I've been really moody lately. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep or I'm being lazy...or I have more on my plate than I know what to do with. I miss my friends. Not that I don't have friends around, but I miss the girls. I miss that comfort of knowing I have someone around all the time. School is good although it aggrevates me, work is good but its the same as school.
I've been really bored but have things to do. I just need to be motivated.
I need a hug.
I have come to realize that I push pretty much everyone out of my life all the time. I become so wrapped up in school or work or whatever to let anyone in. But in someways I don't really care because that must mean that I haven't found anyone to not push out...no?
I miss relationship life but feel so erratic right now so how can I have one? I mean I don't even know where I'm going in life anymore...I feel like I'm all over the place. But I miss having someone to call me to say goodnight or cuddle with me while I sleep. I don't want it to be forced...I hate when things are forced. I want it to feel real, natural. I like the thrill of the hunt but hate the time it takes. I tell myself I want all these things but as soon as I find something that 'could be' I'm like I don't want this...go away. ::Sigh:: But whatever. It's the mood I get into all the time. I feel like maybe my past still haunts me. Maybe I'm still afraid of trusting people. Maybe I'm still afraid that the second I fall for someone I'll get my heart ripped out. Maybe I'm afraid of being lied to again. Or maybe I'm convinced that things in life will work out and I'm looking for that to happen and doing nothing to help myself along. I'm not sure...maybe I'll never know. I need to stop now because I'm not thinking straight...I'll add more later.
I've been really bored but have things to do. I just need to be motivated.
I need a hug.
I have come to realize that I push pretty much everyone out of my life all the time. I become so wrapped up in school or work or whatever to let anyone in. But in someways I don't really care because that must mean that I haven't found anyone to not push out...no?
I miss relationship life but feel so erratic right now so how can I have one? I mean I don't even know where I'm going in life anymore...I feel like I'm all over the place. But I miss having someone to call me to say goodnight or cuddle with me while I sleep. I don't want it to be forced...I hate when things are forced. I want it to feel real, natural. I like the thrill of the hunt but hate the time it takes. I tell myself I want all these things but as soon as I find something that 'could be' I'm like I don't want this...go away. ::Sigh:: But whatever. It's the mood I get into all the time. I feel like maybe my past still haunts me. Maybe I'm still afraid of trusting people. Maybe I'm still afraid that the second I fall for someone I'll get my heart ripped out. Maybe I'm afraid of being lied to again. Or maybe I'm convinced that things in life will work out and I'm looking for that to happen and doing nothing to help myself along. I'm not sure...maybe I'll never know. I need to stop now because I'm not thinking straight...I'll add more later.