(no subject)
So MSI was wonderful! I loved it! I didn't want to believe that it was over. :) I had a great night no matter what had happened.. as some people know between Dave and I... Things weren't so good the next day and sense I had a great day on wenesday then the rest of the month is gunna be horrible. Thats just how things go...
Things going wrong:
Dad... something with his heart :(
Brother.. :(
Sean :/
Dave :/
Rachal.. sorry wasn't my fault he asked if he could have one.
School.. just everything
I don't know how to deal with it cause theres no one there that I can just go to.. Sean has his own life and yeah we hang out but were not together... I feel that I can't cry on him anymore.. I did on thrusday because I just broke down but I feel that if he is gunna be there when I cry then he should be there all the time and that can't be.. as much as I still love him.. I just can't do it. I can't make myself think oh hes gunna be there the whole time for me and shit cause he isn't. And I thought what happened at the concert that Dave and I would have maybe had something to start.. but I guess not and I understand cause its hard to get out of long term relationships.. I know.. :/
I really just don't know where my life is..
Theres Kris and Melissa that I'm always with but I'm always smoking with them or doing E... I need to stop to get my life back on track but I can't handle everything. So many people might die or try to die and I need to help them and when I need to help myself thats what I go too.. No one helps me or so it seems.. no one is here when I need it. I truely just want to be held til I die from crying. I really just want to die but I'm needed.. and I will stay for those people. I will always be there for someone no matter how bad my problems are.. I have so much on my mind that I can't deal with cause I don't know how to.. I try and I try to help people and to some it gets through but others it doesn't... My brother.. I need him and he needs me.. there hasn't been a minute that I haven't thought of him sense I talked to him on the phone awhile go.. I've been trying and trying over and over again to get ahold of him.. no luck.. it sucked.. I love him.. besides my mom he is all I have.
I just want to go back to the concert it was a perfect night.. a perfect night be there, to be on E.. I loved every minute of it.. If I had to die.. I would have died that night.. I don't want to die unless I'm in someones arms that I love.. and I don't see that happening anytime soon.
I've been having crying spells like no other.. I just wanna give up...
Things going wrong:
Dad... something with his heart :(
Brother.. :(
Sean :/
Dave :/
Rachal.. sorry wasn't my fault he asked if he could have one.
School.. just everything
I don't know how to deal with it cause theres no one there that I can just go to.. Sean has his own life and yeah we hang out but were not together... I feel that I can't cry on him anymore.. I did on thrusday because I just broke down but I feel that if he is gunna be there when I cry then he should be there all the time and that can't be.. as much as I still love him.. I just can't do it. I can't make myself think oh hes gunna be there the whole time for me and shit cause he isn't. And I thought what happened at the concert that Dave and I would have maybe had something to start.. but I guess not and I understand cause its hard to get out of long term relationships.. I know.. :/
I really just don't know where my life is..
Theres Kris and Melissa that I'm always with but I'm always smoking with them or doing E... I need to stop to get my life back on track but I can't handle everything. So many people might die or try to die and I need to help them and when I need to help myself thats what I go too.. No one helps me or so it seems.. no one is here when I need it. I truely just want to be held til I die from crying. I really just want to die but I'm needed.. and I will stay for those people. I will always be there for someone no matter how bad my problems are.. I have so much on my mind that I can't deal with cause I don't know how to.. I try and I try to help people and to some it gets through but others it doesn't... My brother.. I need him and he needs me.. there hasn't been a minute that I haven't thought of him sense I talked to him on the phone awhile go.. I've been trying and trying over and over again to get ahold of him.. no luck.. it sucked.. I love him.. besides my mom he is all I have.
I just want to go back to the concert it was a perfect night.. a perfect night be there, to be on E.. I loved every minute of it.. If I had to die.. I would have died that night.. I don't want to die unless I'm in someones arms that I love.. and I don't see that happening anytime soon.
I've been having crying spells like no other.. I just wanna give up...