boyfriend
i told my husband about my boyfriend. i did it in a text message, which is so completely classy of me, but it came up and there was no way to get around it. james is shattered and i feel like i could die from the guilt i feel over hurting him. don't worry, james came over to my house after i told him and we talked about things, he told me some upsetting things about himself and his past that i never knew and it shicked and upset me. partly because of the actual info and partly because in 5 years, he never shared this side of himself with me and i feel even further displaced. maybe i was a bad wife for not seeking to find this other side of him, which i always sorta knew was there. i just figured...well i dont know what i figured. perhaps i figuyred that if he hadnt told me previously, it wasnt an issue anymore. but then, i myself should know that just cause a person doesnt talk about soemthing, doesnt mean it's gone away. and maybe all that not talking is what drove that wedge between us? maybe i'll never know.
i'm seeing jordan, yes, the guy in my band.i had a massive crush on him for ages and apprently, he had a massive crush on me also. it all happened super-fast, and super-soon, and we both keep waiting for it to feel bad or wrong, but it never happens. so we have no choice but to believe that our relationship is neither bad nor wrong.it's funny because in many ways, this feels like the first "grown up" relationship i've had.
james and i were as serious a relationship as you can get, but much of it seems, now, a bit like a game for a little girl. "playing romance". i look back see that despite all good intentions and promises and real belief in certain things, love doesnt always work out and i'm a bit worried that i might distance myself from love in the future in case i fuck it up again. in case all the plans and blind faith falls apart again. i unpacked a box of photo's last night, half of them were wedding pictures. and a guest book from the wedding, with messages of love and well wishes from our friends and family, gushing about our perfect love and our future together.and i can't believe i was so naieve then.
i'm seeing jordan, yes, the guy in my band.i had a massive crush on him for ages and apprently, he had a massive crush on me also. it all happened super-fast, and super-soon, and we both keep waiting for it to feel bad or wrong, but it never happens. so we have no choice but to believe that our relationship is neither bad nor wrong.it's funny because in many ways, this feels like the first "grown up" relationship i've had.
james and i were as serious a relationship as you can get, but much of it seems, now, a bit like a game for a little girl. "playing romance". i look back see that despite all good intentions and promises and real belief in certain things, love doesnt always work out and i'm a bit worried that i might distance myself from love in the future in case i fuck it up again. in case all the plans and blind faith falls apart again. i unpacked a box of photo's last night, half of them were wedding pictures. and a guest book from the wedding, with messages of love and well wishes from our friends and family, gushing about our perfect love and our future together.and i can't believe i was so naieve then.