quit
i think i might have to quit tafe. i just cant afford to live right now. i need to be working full time. i havent yet recieved any word on whether i am eligable for austudy or not, but i am starting to believe that considering i earn twice as much per fortnight than i am allowed to whilst recieving austudy payments, i probably wont get anything from centrelink. i actually earn more by working 15 hours a week than i would on centrelink, and it's still not enough to live on. currently i owe dylan last weeks rent, we havent paid this weeks rent because i frigging forgot, so now he is going to have to pay it all and i will owe him for that too, theres a huge phone bill to be paid, on top of my mobile phone bill, i owe my mother $650 and although she is in no rush to be repaid, i certainly cannot justify spending money on other things until i have repaid her. i am in dire need of new clothing and some non-animal skin shoes but no, can't even begin to think about that right now.
and fucking hell, the other day i was forced to purchase an ordinary face wash because for a month i have been using nothing and my skin is breaking out like all hell. i dont think i can live as a vegan, live as a healthy person, AND live as a student at the same time. the only reason i've even been eating anything other than 2 minute noodles is that i havent fucking paid any bills. i feel like the worst person to live, and although i know i certainly am not, i feel like i am the worst person i could be. i must be, i am constantly hurting people who dont deserve to be hurt, i am constantly not paying for things i should be paying for, and i am not even living up to my vegan standards. i'm just a waste of fucking space and i probably don't deserve to even fucking live.
so, as much as it pains me - due to the amount of work, hardship and enjoyment involved in the past 7 months of school - imma have to quit. theres no way i can even pass my next 5 peices of assessment (which are ALL due tues/wed this week) anyway, considering i havn't started or studied any of it. like i said, waste of space.
and fucking hell, the other day i was forced to purchase an ordinary face wash because for a month i have been using nothing and my skin is breaking out like all hell. i dont think i can live as a vegan, live as a healthy person, AND live as a student at the same time. the only reason i've even been eating anything other than 2 minute noodles is that i havent fucking paid any bills. i feel like the worst person to live, and although i know i certainly am not, i feel like i am the worst person i could be. i must be, i am constantly hurting people who dont deserve to be hurt, i am constantly not paying for things i should be paying for, and i am not even living up to my vegan standards. i'm just a waste of fucking space and i probably don't deserve to even fucking live.
so, as much as it pains me - due to the amount of work, hardship and enjoyment involved in the past 7 months of school - imma have to quit. theres no way i can even pass my next 5 peices of assessment (which are ALL due tues/wed this week) anyway, considering i havn't started or studied any of it. like i said, waste of space.