"The plane, boss, the plane!"
Having been stuck on a Northwest Airlines flight for three and a half hours, I realized the painful truth that flying has turned from enjoyable adventure into several hours of the most elegant styles of torture.
I mean, in the (relatively) recent series of flights I've undertaken for med-school interviews I've already gotten used to some of the most common ones, like the complete lack of ANY airplane food and the fact that stewardesses (that's right, I used a non-PC term! Shoot me!) now consider themselves to be G-d's right-hand men (and women). But some of the ways airlines try to cut corners still piss the shi... umm... I mean, annoy the heck out of me.
To name a few I've encountered on this most recent flights:
I mean, in the (relatively) recent series of flights I've undertaken for med-school interviews I've already gotten used to some of the most common ones, like the complete lack of ANY airplane food and the fact that stewardesses (that's right, I used a non-PC term! Shoot me!) now consider themselves to be G-d's right-hand men (and women). But some of the ways airlines try to cut corners still piss the shi... umm... I mean, annoy the heck out of me.
To name a few I've encountered on this most recent flights:
- Though they were kind enough to retain the blankets (which did however shrink to a size that would now barely allow you to cover a fetus on the seventh months of gestation), the pillows had to be eliminated as (and I quote from our flight attendant) "a security precaution." Please tell me, how can four and a half inches of synthetic down serve in the hands of a potential hijacker?!
- Those little lights above your seat work only in the right half of the airplane. (And guess which side yours truly is seating in! :\ ) Is this also a security precaution? Have our intelligence services decoded some sort of communique to all Al-Qaida operatives instructing them to sit only on the left side of the plane?! If that is the case (and ONLY if that is the case!), then I would understand the airlines' precaution - because, truth be told, even an operative trained in the deep caves of Northern Afghanistan would have trouble realizing which way is the fuckin' cockpit in the dark twilight that is created in the coach cabin as a result! Now, try imagining us, mere mortals, who did not have such training, trying to find the damn bathroom in these same conditions!
- I was surprised to discover that all modern airlines are equipped with UNIVERSAL power plugs. Did you know they existed?!? Anyway, having found this out in the in-flight brochure (on the airplane itself!), I asked the passing flight attendant to point one out to me. She was very surprised that somebody actually read the brochure and promised to check for me. Half an hour later she came back with the oldest stuardess in the crew, who was able to show me where under the carpet they hid those outlets. However, as I was getting all excited about the possibility of plugging my laptop in, she informed me in her most condescending tone that "of course, they have been disconnected since 9/11." Someone explain this one to me PLEASE!! I like to consider myself a fairly intellegent and educated individual, but I can't, for the life of me, understand what possible connection could my poor little innocent power outlets have to the spread of global terrorism?!?!?!