my answer
You taste like a salad. You are the epitome of
diversity and freedom. With your mixed flavors
and ability to blend with almost anything, you
make people happy.
How do you taste?
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so..........
my mother informed me earlier this evening that we are not going to be having christmas this year. we will exchange presents on christmas eve and thats it. so now i would like to brainstorm ideas to what i can do with this day that is supposedly everyone's favorite holiday (obviously not mine, christmas can jump off a cliff, sorry Jesus). so some of my ideas include: all day Halloween marathon (my mom gave me the suggestion of closing the blinds so i dont know what time of day it is). or i was thinking of painting my window, a task i started another christmas. my mom told me to invite people over, um and who would i invite? my other relatives? i informed her that my friends have families. in general i was pissed at first but now im just blank. i just wanna find the most absurd and time consuming task that will take the whole day. ... anything that will keep my mind off of the family that i never had.
so i dont know if people actually read my entries, but im gonna keep writing till i figure out what i am going to do with my dec. 25
so...
like i said, all day halloween marathon. i could re-organize my entire closet. hmmm. i could make birthday cards for everyone i know for the entire next year. that would be interesting. um. i could sew something. or bake. i could make a cake from scratch. oooo i could make cookies, like in the shape of a jackolantern or something. um. lets see. i could paint, ive never really painted much. oo i have an idea for a surprise for my friends for nye i could work on. i could also make a dance mix for nye. i wanna cook something. i should teach myself how to make stir-fry or something, i can practice cooking for when i live in my apartment next year. i could pick my top favorite movies, like top ten and watch them in countdown mode to my favorite one. i could dye the carpet in my room, ive wanted to do that forever. i could do a puzzle! a jigsaw. or i could get some cheap and ridiculous pc game and play it until my eyes bleed. or, since i asked for a drum test pad for christmas, hah, im gonna laugh whenever i say that now. i could teach myself how to play something. i could learn a song on the piano, havent played in ages. hm. i could scrub the kitchen floor. as weird as that sounds, its something i love to do and takes me forever. and i just thought of something... well someone. boy would it teach my parents something. i could ask my uncle to go out to dinner with me. i bet hes all alone. wow, i havent thought about him in months. i need to send him something for christmas.
isnt it bizarre the people who are there when you have no one else? the ones you never thought you would end up with. and oddly enough, life has a way of playing itself out. people, places, events. maybe not having a christmas this year was God's way of showing me what its like for other people. like my uncle.
boy what i wouldnt give for a functional family right about now. cuz the person who im gonna spend christmas with this year is the person who made me hate it in the first place... my dad should be interesting. lets just hope we dont have any repeats. why is it that when im home i wish i were here and when im here i wish i were home. im glad i have places i can go this break to escape school and family. (thank you to those of you who helped me with this, you know who you are).
i have a knot in my stomach, and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me want to wrench out my stomach and leave it for the vulchers.
all i can say is that its times like these that makes me realize who is closest to me, and right now that would be my friends, who have never left me behind. im so glad im coming home to you.
i just cant get over the irony of the situation. im going home to spend time with the only person on earth im never supposed to live with again. i spend my life escaping it, and for every moment i stop it catches up to me in an instant. and i wonder, is it as bad as i remember it to be. and that answer is yes.