FIC: It's Lonely Out In Space (Californication)
Title: It's Lonely Out In Space
Author: M. Willoughby (imaginethetruth )
Fandom: Californication
Pairing: Hank/Mia
Rating/Warnings: PG. Some cussin', some discussion of statutory rape and other things of the non-legal nature. Oh, also, this contains spoilers for season 3.
Summary: Mia comes to visit Hank in jail after the big blow out with Karen. Set post season 3, pre season 4.
Disclaimer: None of this belong to me. Hank and Mia aren't mine...unfortunately. All I can do is worship Tom Kapinos and David Duchovny and love what they've created. Title from the song Rocket Man.
Author's Notes: Because I LOVE Hank/Mia, and I sincerely hope that everybody else someday will too. Oh, I also cannot WAIT for season 4.
Mia bites back a small gasp as Hank sits down opposite her and picks up the reciever. He looks fucking terrible.
She presses her fingers to the glass, picking up the phone with her other hand.
“Hi,” she says softly.
“What do you want?”
His voice is weary and broken, not at all like the slightly amused, relaxed tone she is used to. She bites her lip.
“I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I just wanted to- I wanted to see how you were getting along.”
He looks back at her, unblinking through the glass.
“Are you okay?” she whispers.
“What the fuck do you think.”
She takes in his ruffled, matted hair, black eye, split lip. “You're right. Stupid question.”
“What are you doing here, Mia?” he says, his voice so flat that it is less of a question and more of a statement.
She shrugs, defeated. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. And- and to tell you that I am so...fucking...sorry. For everything. You must hate me,” her voice breaks, and she gathers herself together, willing the tears to go back to wherever the fuck they were coming from.
He doesn't say anything.
“I never meant for any of this to happen,” she says softly, waving a hand in his direction. “I just want you to know that.”
“And what about Karen and Becca?” he says bluntly, his gaze steady. “Did you mean for that to happen too?”
“I'm sorry,” she whispers. “So sorry, so fucking sorry. It was stupid, Hank.”
He nods slowly.
“And I wish I could take it back, but I- I just can't. It was so incredibly selfish. I wish...I just wish that things were different, and-”
“But they aren't,” he says, cutting her off. “They aren't, Mia, and thanks to you, they probably never will be.”
A teardrop catches in her lower lashes, and she rapidly removes it with her fingertip.
“Why did you do it?” he asks. “Tell me.”
She swallows, grasping hopelessly for words. “I just...I really wanted you, Hank. And I was mad because you didn't want me, and he- he said it would be good for my career, and I just...I let things just completely spin out of control. I stopped thinking and just...” Her voice trails away. “I'm sorry, so sorry. But if it helps, even though he was the one to make the call, I blame myself and only myself.”
“It does help,” Hank says. “A bit.”
“I wish I had never even met you in that bookstore,” she says softly. “Or I wish that I had been older. Or I wish that you weren't Karen's soul mate, or that she hadn't been engaged to Bill. I wish that we had never had sex,” she pauses. “Even though it was fucking...revolutionary. Mind altering.”
"But we did,” he says softly, and his voice is almost gentle. “It's not all your fault, Mia. I definitely harbor some of the blame. You caught me at a bad time and that was all me. My shit was fucked up, I should've just gone home. But then there you were, reading my book. You were charming, beautiful, and when have I ever been able to resist the charms of a beautiful woman?” he shakes his head slowly. “We can both go around saying how much we wish it hadn't happened, but the fact is, it did. And we both have to face that.”
Mia is crying openly now and she knows that there's no way she's going to be able to hide it.
“Sure, what you did was wrong as hell, you never should have told him, but I...I should have told Karen long ago. Told her the real story which is extremely complicated instead of having to force it on her so abruptly. We both sort of fucked up, Mia, not just you.”
She nods slowly. “Do you want me to talk to her? Tell her what really happened?”
“No, it's just going to fuck things up further. Besides, I don't think anybody should be within a ten mile radius of that woman. She's on the fucking war path.”
“Okay,” she says softly. “At least let me bail you out?”
He smiles slightly. “Thank you for the very kind offer, but my beautiful, bald manager is on his way, and I think it would be best if he was the one to drive me home, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” she whispers. “I know what you mean.”
A man in a uniform taps her on the shoulder. “Wrap it up, okay?”
“Sure,” she says before turning back to Hank. “I promise you this, Hank Moody: I will make things right for you. I'll do my damnedest.”
He smiles wryly. “I don't think there's anything you can do at this point other than not press charges.”
She nods vigorously. “I can do that. And Hank, I'll think of something. Some way to make it all up to you.”
“The fact that you even came really- well, it means a lot,” he says, and she can tell that for once he is being utterly sincere.
She almost starts crying again. “Good bye, Hank,” she says softly, pressing her fingers against the glass again.
He blinks at her, touches his fingers to hers through the glass, and hangs up the phone.
finis.