Glee Fic : Collision | Kurt/Blaine | 1/1 PG-13 ~ ReverseBang fic
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It took Blaine a few seconds to catch up with his body and respond to the kiss. His mouth opened as his hand flew to the back of Kurt's neck, pulling him down, in, impossibly closer as his body arched up against the intimate weight on top of him.
Dear Blaine, I know that this is the coward's way out but I know that I couldn't do this face to face. I know that if I saw you, if we were able to touch each other? Then I would never be able to say this. I have thought long and hard about this and I know that this is right, this is the best thing ~ even if you don't know it yet. Even if you never fully know it.
"Kurt," Blaine muttered, breaking the kiss. "Kurt, Kurt, Kurt... We need to stop."
Kurt froze above him and Blaine could feel it down the length of his body.
"We can't do this," Blaine said.
"Blaine..."
"We have... we... we can't do this."
"I'm sorry," Kurt stammered, pushing up.
Before Kurt could disappear off into his self-consciousness Blaine reached out, grabbing his hand. "No," he said, "we need to talk about this."
"No, we don't."
"Kurt."
"It was a mistake. A moment. Nothing more."
"I'm not just talking about tonight."
"I know. But-"
"But nothing."
"But everything, Kurt."
"Why can't we just leave things? There's no point in dragging up the past-"
"It might be the past for you because you were the one who wrote the letter. You were the one with reasons and I was the one left with questions and trying to figure out why I got dumped without a single warning or fight or hint that it was even on the agenda."
"It was seven years ago-"
"And it's been every day since. Please, Kurt."
"I don't know what you want from me, Blaine."
"The truth."
"You got it. You got every word of it in that letter. I would never lie to you, not about something like that. Not about something that important."
"We were important."
"Blaine-"
"Can you, just for once, talk to me?"
"I always talked to you."
"Except about the fact that you were planning to break up with me."
"How about you not talking to me about your college applications?"
"What?"
"It was supposed to be New York. You were supposed to join me-"
"I was. I got into NYU and withdrew... after."
"So what was with the other applications?"
"Dad!" Blaine snapped. "He kept going on and on about only applying to a handful of places. So to shut him up I applied for other music and drama courses at other colleges. But it was only ever New York."
"Why didn't you say?"
"Because I didn't know you knew about the applications until I got your letter."
"Tina," Kurt said quietly by way of explanation. "She... I thought-"
"No, you assumed. You didn't think, you didn't ask, you just... assumed that I would throw away everything we planned for. So you what? Got in there first?"
"No, Blaine, it wasn't just... You know what I wrote. It was all there."
"Different paths, moving apart. Alistair," he added, almost spitting the name out. "How long did it last?"
"It never started," Kurt said.
"You dumped me for someone you never actually got together with?" Blaine almost yelled. "Well that makes me feel so much better."
"Blaine-"
"I only ever wanted you to be happy," Blaine said quietly. "So I just told myself that if nothing else it was right for you, it was what you wanted."
"I'm... sorry."
"Why didn't you... with him?"
"Because of you," Kurt said. "What? You wanted honesty, here it is. You were, I thought you were applying elsewhere. There was... someone else. Not like that but for the first time since I met you I actually noticed someone. Like that. And I wanted to be honest with you because if that was how things were then maybe..."
"And instead of talking to me about it you just wrote me a letter and changed your cell number and that was that. You know I left for LA as soon as high school was done? Skipped prom, almost didn't go to graduation but Coop threatened to drag me there if I even thought about not going. The deal was that we left as soon as it was done because I didn't want to be there when you came home that summer."
"I... didn't know."
"Now you do," Blaine snapped then winced a little at how harsh his words sounded. "I'd been looking forward to that summer since you left in the Fall and suddenly every plan and dream and idea I'd ever had was gone. You were gone and I couldn't..." He gave a short, soft laugh. "For the record, you are very hard to get over, Kurt Hummel."
"So are you," Kurt whispered. "And I wanted to try and stop you getting hurt..."
"So you broke my heart?"
"No, it's just... We were kids, Blaine. Nineteen years old and..."
"And what?" Blaine asked when Kurt tailed off.
"And so in love that it scared me. So in love that it would have been New York and apartments and engagement and wedding and kids and a dog. It would have been everything and we were nineteen."
"It didn't have to happen right away you know," Blaine snapped. "I'd have been happy to wait a few years."
"I didn't mean that," Kurt replied sharply. "To know that was coming, to know how your future was going to play out? Were you OK with that?"
"Yes," Blaine said quietly. "I always was. You were... are..." He sighed. "I called you the love of my life once. I meant it. I knew you were it for me and..."
"And you weren't scared?"
"Yes, but that's not the same as being afraid."
"Well I was," Kurt said, looking down. "I thought I wasn't but I was."
"But... why?"
"Look, you wanted to know. Now you know. Can we just leave it? I thought we were going to celebrate."
"I don't think I should." Blaine's voice was low and defeated. "Champagne and painkillers don't really mix."
It took some effort for him to get up onto his one good foot and grab the crutches. As dramatic exits went it was the least effective but Kurt let him go regardless. After all, when you'd just lied to the love of your life it hardly seemed right to stop him.
~~
Kurt could hear Blaine moving about for an hour or so (his cast and crutches hardly made him the quietest houseguest) before the condo fell quiet. Moving as far away from Blaine's room as he could Kurt pulled out his cell and hit the well-used speed dial.
"It's late," Rachel said immediately. "Why are you still up?"
"Can't sleep."
"Two things keep you awake, Kurt Hummel," Rachel said quietly, "work and love. I know that your work is going well so..."
"I screwed up."
"Hang on," she sighed and he could hear the soft rustle of the covers. "Sorry," Rachel said to someone - Finn - and Kurt listened to her move out of the bedroom and close the door. "How have you screwed up? Other than breaking his ankle and..."
"Potentially ruining his career, dragging up all the hurt from the break up and then rejecting him when we kissed tonight because I have a boyfriend that-"
"You don't really love," Rachel picked up, "and you never have because since you stupidly broke up with Blaine you have been searching for something that you had in the first place and..."
"And I have known all of this for seven years because I wrote a play about it? I know, Rach."
"So. You kissed?"
"Yeah, we signed the LA deal tonight. We were celebrating and-"
"And you celebrated?" Rachel teased.
"We kissed. Just kissed. And..."
"And you stopped because of Stephen?"
"No. He stopped because of Stephen."
"Wait, you didn't?"
"What is wrong with me, Rach?" Kurt sighed. "I was scared of cheating on Blaine, of being tempted, of what that meant, that I broke up with him and here I am-"
"You were never scared of cheating on Blaine," Rachel said. "You just told yourself that to make it easier. You wrote that letter because you freaked out over the fact that you'd met the love of your life in high school. You had a boyfriend who was prepared to follow you to New York and you had a minor breakdown over the fact that he was prepared to do that."
"Why would I notice Alistair if...?"
"Because you're not blind, Kurt. I love Finn, you know I do. But did that stop me checking out the cute waiter who served us the other night? Of course not. It's window shopping, Kurt. Just window shopping."
"That's the most twisted logic I've ever heard."
"Just because you're with someone, just because you love them, it doesn't mean that you stop noticing other people. It's natural, Kurt. We notice people before we fall in love, we notice them after. The only difference is that we don't do anything about it because we are in love."
"OK, first, I hardly 'noticed' anyone when I was growing up. It was only really Blaine. Just him. And how-?"
"Because sometimes it happens, Kurt. And you know that. So why are we talking about this, again, at some ungodly hour of the morning when we're on different sides of the country and we can't share some vegan ice cream?"
"Because I'm scared."
"Of what? Of getting back together with him?"
Kurt was silent for a minute while he gathered the courage to finally say it. "Of letting him go again."
"Oh Kurt..."
"You know I still love him."
"So why don't you do something about it?"
"Stephen-"
"Kurt," Rachel said sharply.
"I can't just dump him."
"Why not? You 'just dumped' Blaine and you don't love Stephen."
"I do."
"Not the way you love Blaine," Rachel amended. "Not the way you love someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Not the way that you should love the person you're with."
"He's seeing someone too."
"So he's got a Stephen of his own."
"You don't know that. I don't know that."
"I know it, same as you do, Kurt. You're the love of his life."
"I was his first love, Rach. He was mine. That's... important. Lasting."
"What are you scared of? Really? Beyond letting him go."
"What if I screw it up again?" Kurt asked quietly. "I hurt him, Rach. I ruined his life, threw out every plan we ever made, every dream for our future. I cut him out of my life and he had to run away to deal with it. I made him run, Rachel."
"No one made him run, Kurt. He chose to do that. He wanted to leave."
"He needed to leave. He was there for me, they were my friends first and he felt like he couldn't be there especially seeing as I was coming home for the summer. He couldn't be there if I was.
"After he transferred he told me, once, that because of me he didn't feel like he had to run anymore. He finally found like he could stand up, face things because... Because he had me. You don't get how big that was for him and then I went and took that away from him and are you laughing at me?"
Rachel managed to compose herself after a few aborted attempts. "I'm sorry, but you are giving yourself way too much credit. Blaine didn't have to run, he wanted to. He wanted to go because he needed time and space to figure out what his next step was going to be. He left Lima that summer because he thought you wanted time and space from him and he didn't want to be in your face. He was hurting and he was still thinking about you.
"He didn't run away from Dalton, he faced up to things and he did the hard thing because it was the best thing for you. Both of you. So don't you dare tell me that Blaine doesn't love you. I'm not there and even I know that."
"So what do I do?"
"What you've wanted to do since you were sixteen. What you did for over two years actively and passively ever since. Love him."
"You make it sound easy."
"It's the hardest thing in the world," Rachel said. "But you know that already." She sighed gently. "You have my blessing, my support and my love. Finn's too."
Kurt couldn't help but laugh. "That's not why I called you and you can't just give me Finn's."
"Yes it is and yes I can. Now let me get back to my husband and you can go back to yours."
"Rachel!"
"Oh shut up. You two were pretty much married during our senior year."
"Then I think we got a divorce."
"Compared to me and Finn?" Rachel yawned. "You two were it. You still could be."
"You think?"
"I know. So do you. You have known since you were sixteen that Blaine is The One. The love of your life, person you're going to grow old with. The second you stop fighting that you might start to like your life again."
"I like it just fine," Kurt replied in shock. "My shows, my writing, the successes..."
"Kurt."
"...Go back to bed, Rachel. I promise to call you at a more decent hour next time."
"Call me when you want. Especially when you and Blaine get back together."
"Rach!"
"I'll give Finn a kiss from you."
"You do that. And give one to Blaine from me," she laughed. "Love you."
"Love you too," Rachel said before hanging up.
~~
Over the next 48 hours Kurt went over and over the different scenarios in his head. He could break up with Stephen. Over the phone? Quick, but hardly fair. Face to face would mean going back to New York and leaving Blaine who would most likely be gone when he returned.
And going home to break up with Stephen would be so unfair given he'd not been able to make it back for Sophie. When Stephen had said that his sister had been taken into hospital with ovarian cysts Kurt had felt like he should be on a plane, going to be by his boyfriend's side (even if Sophie wasn't his biggest fan) but instead he'd made up an excuse about work he couldn't get out of.
It was just that he didn't want to get out of it. Sophie had Stephen and Blaine had no one but him. He needed to be here for Blaine and so he didn't go. More than that, he'd found he wanted to be in LA. Wanted to be here with Blaine.
He could talk to Blaine, be honest with him and ask him to wait until he came back from New
York. Although back for how long? Everything was in New York, this was only supposed to be a visit to bring the play over. His life was in New York, he had commitments in New York. Would Blaine move? Could he move? He wasn't attached to any show at the moment (thanks to the accident, his brain not-so-helpfully supplied) and he could easily get work in New York. Theatre or TV or film. Whatever he wanted.
If he wanted.
Rupert had made him sign his life away on no fewer than twenty documents before he'd boarded a plane home. Kurt couldn't quite remember if that was New-York-home or England-home as his mind was too full of Blaine to process anything else.
They hadn't talked about The Kiss, just carried on as if nothing had happened. Just this morning Kurt had taken Blaine to his PT appointment and been dismissed at the door. Blaine was getting stronger and more mobile with each session and Kurt knew it was just a matter of time before the cast came off and then... what? He'd be gone? Move back to the apartment he'd been sharing with Cooper? Be out of his life again?
Kurt wasn't sure that he wanted that.
Not that he was sure what he wanted.
When his phone rang he grabbed at it, answering without looking. "You finished?"
"What?" Stephen asked.
"Sorry, thought you were... Doesn't matter. Hi."
"Hi yourself," Stephen replied. "Been busy?"
"Kinda," Kurt said, wincing a little at the lie. Not that it was a strict one. Yes, he'd been busy. But not so busy that he couldn't have picked up the phone. "Sorry I've not called."
"Hands full?"
Kurt sighed. "You mean Blaine."
"He still living with you?"
"Don't do that," Kurt said. "Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't make out this is... more than it is."
"I wasn't aware that's what I was doing," Stephen replied coolly.
"Blaine isn't living with me. He's staying with me. And only until his cast is off. Which will be soon and I'm coming back so we can put all of this behind us and move on."
"Move on?" Stephen asked. "Move on from what?"
"Oh, you know what I mean," Kurt sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I mean I'll be home and we won't be trying to have a relationship coast to coast and across time zones."
"Is that what we are? Trying to have a relationship?"
"Stephen, please. Stop twisting everything. Can we just... not?"
"No, Kurt," Stephen said. "I think we should. I think we need to."
"Fine. Ask me. Say whatever it is you think you need to say and we can talk about this."
"Are you sleeping with Blaine?" Stephen asked bluntly.
"No," Kurt said firmly. "I am not cheating on you, Stephen, I wouldn't do that to you. Hell, I broke up with Blaine because I didn't want to cheat on him. Because I wasn't going to be that guy."
"Kurt-"
"So your next question. Am I in love with him?"
"Kurt-"
"Blaine was my first, Stephen. My first in everything that matters and counts. My first boyfriend, my first love... my first. And I will always love him in that respect. He is always going to mean something to me which is why I couldn't just leave him. Anyone but him. I know you think that I shouldn't... that because I ended things with him... But-"
"I'm sorry," Stephen said quickly. "I just... It's him, you know? It's your Blaine. Your first love, your great love, high school sweetheart and the guy that once upon a time you said you were going to marry."
"That was a long time ago. Things change. I'm with you now."
"And if you weren't?" Stephen asked quietly.
"What?"
"What if you weren't with me? What if you were single?"
"Then things would be different." Kurt exhaled loudly and slowly as he mentally worked through his calendar. "Will you do something for me?"
"Anything," Stephen said, quickly and almost gratefully?
"Book a table for us at that little bistro we love. Tomorrow night."
"What? Kurt-"
"I've got a breakfast meeting at the theatre but I can be on a plane by lunch. I need to be back by the following afternoon for..." Blaine's PT "...something, but I have one night. We can have this one night."
"Aren't you due home soon?"
"So? I haven't seen my boyfriend in weeks and I miss him. I need to see you, Stephen."
"I think I need to see you too," Stephen replied and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice.
"I'll get the tickets sorted and text you the details. You book the table, yeah?"
"Kurt?"
"What?"
"Any objections to staying in?"
Kurt gave a small laugh. "None at all."
"I love you," Stephen said.
"I love you too," Kurt replied and hoped that he sounded like he meant it. "I'll be home soon."
"Kurt?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I mean it. I think we... I think we need this. I didn't want to put pressure on you, I know how important the play is to you..."
There was something in the way that Stephen tailed off which set Kurt's nerves off. "What is it?" he asked.
"Has Blaine seen it?"
"What?"
"The play."
"Not unless he's been to New York recently."
"Has he read it then? Does he know what it's about?"
"Does it matter?" Kurt asked.
"It does now." Stephen's voice was clipped, all previous hint of warmth was gone.
"Why?"
"Kurt, you wrote it about him."
"I wrote it about me," Kurt replied. "I wrote it about my life, about getting out of Ohio..."
"About leaving Blaine behind."
"About leaving everyone behind."
"Yeah, but at the end-"
"Stephen," Kurt cut in. "Please. Can we just... wait? I'll be home tomorrow and we can stay in and we can talk and we can do all of this face to face and not on the phone and..." He stopped as his phone beeped in his ear. Looking at the screen he saw he had a new text. "Please? Can we do this tomorrow?"
"I love you, Kurt."
"I love you too."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'll text you."
The call ended allowing Kurt to read the message.
Blaine Anderson
4.03pm
God, I'm exhausted. Just want to go home and sleep. Make it happen.
Kurt Hummel
4.03pm
I'm sure there was a polite request for a pick up in there somewhere.
Blaine Anderson
4.04pm
In which case you're mixing my texts up with someone else's. Come get me else I'm tweeting some nasty rumors.
Kurt Hummel
4.04pm
You wouldn't dare.
Blaine Anderson
4.04pm
Don't test me. Be here in five.
Kurt Hummel
4.05pm
I'm across town. Fifteen.
Blaine Anderson
4.07pm
You'd better be bringing me coffee then.
Kurt Hummel
4.08pm
Thought you wanted to sleep. Coffee will just keep you up.
Kurt Hummel
4.08pm
AWAKE. I clearly meant that coffee will keep you AWAKE. And on that note I'm leaving now. I don't text and drive.
Blaine Anderson
4.10pm
Sure Q would be happy to hear that. See you soon.
~~
Blaine was waiting for him and Kurt pulled up, jumping out of the car to move round to the passenger side. He supported Blaine as he hopped his way into the car, taking the crutches from him and putting them on the back seat. Then he got back into the car and pulled away into the stream of traffic.
"Tell me," Blaine said after watching Kurt for a moment.
"What?"
"Tell me."
"I'm going to New York. Tomorrow lunchtime if I can get a flight."
"I didn't think you were finished here...?"
"I'm not," Kurt said. "But Stephen..."
"Right. I see."
"It's just one night. You'll be OK?"
"I don't need a sitter if that's what you're getting at."
"No, I know, it's just-"
"I'm fine," Blaine said. "I can get about under my own steam, it's one night-"
"What if something happens? You're hardly the most mobile of people. If you fall or-"
"Then I promise to keep my cell in my pants and if I fall I will call 911. I will order takeout so I don't have to cook and if you're willing to help me with the pre- and post-shower rituals tonight then I'm sure I can fester for one night."
"I'm overreacting, aren't I?" Kurt laughed softly.
"Just a bit," Blaine smiled. "But that's who you are. You can't help but can't take care of people. Your dad, me..."
"There's a difference between caring and smothering though. You're old enough and ugly enough to look after yourself for one night."
"Charming."
"You OK? With me going I mean?"
"I'm not your keeper, Kurt. And I'm sure Stephen is missing you."
"What about Charlie? He missing you?"
"Sure he is. In his own way."
"What?"
"We're not exactly... He's a friend."
"With benefits?"
"You make it sound... cheap. It's new. We're just figuring us out."
"Not like you," Kurt said. "You always... dived straight in. Both feet. You wanted something and you went for it."
"If you're about to mention... That Place, then we are no longer friends."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Kurt smiled before humming a few bars under his breath. When Blaine finally recognised the song he laughed and reached over, hitting Kurt lightly on the arm. "But seriously. Why the hesitation? It's not like you at all."
"I guess it's true what they say then," Blaine shrugged. "Once bitten..."
"I don't believe that any more than you do," Kurt said. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Blaine said. "Things are... different."
There was a moment's silence before Kurt said, "I'm... sorry."
"What for?"
"Just... everything. I'm sorry."
"It's OK," Blaine said, his voice as warm and affectionate as it had been when they were seventeen years old and wrapped around each other in bed that first night. "Really, Kurt. It's fine. There is nothing to apologise for, not any more. We're OK."
"Really?"
"Really," Blaine smiled. "Thank you."
"For what? Breaking your heart, and your ankle?"
"Well, the heart thing... I'd not be here if it weren't for what happened. And as for the ankle it meant you and I got to reconnect. I... I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Why did we stop talking again?" Blaine asked.
"Dunno," Kurt shrugged. "Weirdness?"
"Me or you?" Blaine quipped.
"You left Lima after graduation."
"They were your friends..."
"They were yours too. I hated the idea that you felt like you couldn't be around them because of what I did," Kurt said.
"I stay in touch with a few of them," Blaine said. "Tina, and Mike of course. Quinn and I do Christmas letters each year."
"Letters?"
"Yeah, the old fashioned variety. There's something about putting pen to paper and creating something."
"I know," Kurt said. "I hand wrote Moments Passed."
"What? You hand wrote a Broadway musical?"
"Yeah. Coffee shops, parks, moments between lectures and workshops and every other moment I could get. Once I got the idea it wouldn't go away. Now I know why writers say it's addictive. I'd be walking down the street, in the shower, and there would be lines and songs and just..."
"You're a writer," Blaine said as if it were a moment of revelation.
"Did you miss the whole 'hit play' thing?" Kurt laughed.
"No, I mean... You were all about getting to Broadway and getting into NYADA and you loved performing. And so you thought that's what you wanted to do. But this? This is what you were meant to do."
"And what about you? Acting never seemed to feature much on your radar in high school. Is that what you want to do?"
"I do OK at it, and here that's not a bad thing."
"But is it what you want to do?" Kurt repeated, glancing over at his passenger. "Thought not. Know you too well, Blaine Anderson."
"OK then, Mr Know-It-All. What am I destined to do?"
"Perform," Kurt replied. "On stage. You can act, I know. The whole of McKinley knew because you made them all believe you fell in love with Rachel so-"
"First it's comments about That Place, now it's comments about That Kiss. This is like our Embarrassing History 101 class."
"Next session is about the time when Dad came home early and you-"
"Enough!" Blaine laughed, his cheeks flushing at the memory and embarrassment for his eighteen year-old self. "What is it going to take for you to stop?"
"The truth. What do you think you are meant to be doing?"
"Stage work," Blaine said without hesitation. "Don't think I'm quite Broadway bound, not yet. But theatre for certain. Musical theatre."
"So why are you auditioning for bit parts in TV shows?"
"Because theatre parts aren't just handed out. And I need to make a living."
"In LA?"
"What's wrong with LA?"
"There are plenty of places with a good theatre community you could be in. Places where you'd be seen and recognised, places you could-"
"Sometimes that's not an option," Blaine said sharply. "Coop... We needed each other."
"What? Why?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Blaine, it matters. What the hell do you mean you needed each other? What happened?"
"Kurt..."
"I will pull over right now if I have to and make you tell me."
"And how do you plan on doing that?"
"I have my ways. Don't make me use them."
"Kurt, please. I'm asking you-"
"And now I need to know. Blaine, please. Don't act like you need to shut yourself away from me."
"You're not my boyfriend anymore, Kurt. You don't have rights to everything about my private life."
"I'm not saying I have rights and I'm not saying that you need to tell me. I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel like you have to keep things from me."
Blaine seemed to be thinking it over and so the last few streets were driven in silence. It was only when Kurt pulled up in front of the condo that Blaine did anything. He unclipped his seatbelt and turned slightly in the seat so he could look at Kurt.
"Mom died," was all he said.
Part 3 >>