SJA fic : Second Chance, 46/46
Title : Second Chance
Author : Jen
Fandom : The Sarah Jane Adventures
Rating : PG
Pairing/Characters Sarah Jane, Peter Dalton, Ten, Luke, OC (Nicole)
Summary : Sarah wished for one more chance with Peter; the Universe gave it to her. After changing the past she finds that living her life over again brings up problems she didn't see coming...
Spoilers : references to the whole series
Notes : thus concludes the story. After a fashion. The Epilogue wraps up a few loose ends from this story (not all though - that's for another series) but as far as the actual plotline of 'Second Chance' goes, Sarah changing time for Peter, here endeth the ride. Please collect your belongings as you leave, souvenir photos are available from the gift shop.
Author thanks : self-preserving for her support, feedback, plot note making sessions, being my sounding board... basically for being her awesome self. spydurwebb for being a wonderful beta, for asking all the right questions and shoving me in the right direction on occasion. I would also like to thank Coca Cola for their wonderful Diet drink, and Cadbury's for their range of chocolates. You have sustained this author through almost 100,000 words!
~~
He spoke quickly and with brevity, explaining how the Doctor had come to him. The Trickster had changed things to prevent the original accident that would claim his life and therefore condemn the world to chaos and the Pantheon of Discord. So he was faced with a choice; die or lose everything.
It had taken him seconds to decide and it will be his action, no one else's, that will lead to his car leaving the road.
Still holding on to her husband, Sarah listened to his explanation. Her gaze dropped as she heard him talk about his death in the future tense.
"You blame him," Peter said, hooking his finger under her jaw to lift her head. "Don't."
"If he hadn't..."
"Then everyone would be in danger," he said. "If I don't do this then you and Nic and Luke could get hurt, or killed, and I won't risk that for anything. You three are everything to me, Sarah. I'd die for you without hesitation or second thought." He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. "The world is just a secondary concern."
"This isn't fair..." she breathed, leaning forward and resting her head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. When she felt his lips press a kiss to the top of her head she closed her eyes.
"Sarah..."
"How am I supposed to do this without you?" she asked quietly. "I just miss... this," she said as his arms closed around her. "From the start you've been there for me. You looked after me when I was sick, you held me after each miscarriage even when I yelled at you to never touch me again.
"You gave me the most beautiful daughter... You have shared every high and every low of Nic's life. Every illness, every bug... the broken bones and bumps and scrapes. When I'd convinced myself that we were going to lose her, when she was in the hospital, you calmed me down, help me see logic and reason.
"When Aunt Lavinia died, you stood by her grave with me and held my hand and your promised me that I'd never be alone.
"I thought I loved you before, Peter, and losing you then was... I wanted you back so badly I ended up with this. But I don't want this. I can't deal with this. I need you, Peter. I need you to take care of me, hold me and not let go because I can't deal with this on my own. I just can't. And I know that makes me sound like some girl who needs taking care of but I don't care. You are my heart."
When she felt Peter's hand gently stroking her hair, she took a deep breath, burying her face into his chest. "You're my heart, Peter," she muttered, "and I know that sounds like a cliché but it's true." She gave a short laugh as she heard herself. "I was never like this before. Luke and the others... having them in my life was making a difference but it wasn't the same. With you? It was everything. There wasn't a part of my life I didn't want you to be a part of. And I know I kept stuff from you but it was never because I didn't want you to know…
"But more than that, you were always there. You have been a constant in my life and now you're not... I feel lost. I don't want to do this without you."
His arms closed around her, holding her tight against his body. She could hear the steady beat of his heart, marking every borrowed moment. The once comforting sound, something she'd fallen asleep to more nights than she could remember, now seemed to pound in her mind.
"You need to go," she said suddenly as he kissed the top of her head again. "You need to go now."
"Sarah..." he began, confused as she pushed him away.
"If you don't go now then I'll never be able to let you... If I don't say goodbye..."
"Again," he laughed.
She smiled and shook her head. "I can't believe you knew. In the hospital. You knew. Or will know."
"Would you rather I say something?"
She thought about it then shook her head.
"Then I won't," he almost joked.
"Oh don't," she breathed, fighting back the tears which had regrouped for another assault. "Please."
"You will OK, Sarah. I know you will be. You're stronger..."
"Not without you," she interrupted. "It was hard enough before... Thirty years, a daughter... our family, our whole lives - now without you? It doesn't work."
"It will do," he assured her. "You will make it work, Sarah."
She pulled back to look up at him, her eyes shining with tears. "What if I don't want it to?" she asked.
Peter said nothing, holding her gaze for a moment before kissing her gently. There was a first kiss, then a second. Sarah's arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tightly and so he lifted her up slightly, pulling her against his body. They kissed in the rain as they had done for the first time all those years ago.
~~
The Doctor left them alone, moving to the edge of the tree line to observe those still standing around the grave. He easily picked out the Brigadier and Dr Liz Shaw. No, wait. She wouldn't be Shaw any more, would she? And there was Luke, Nicole, Clyde and Rani. Leaning against the tree he watched them for a moment, taking care to remain out of sight. He risked a glance back towards Sarah and Peter, noting that they had moved from their embrace to one more suited to a conversation.
From what she'd said back there, he guessed that when this was all over he was going to have a very angry Sarah Jane on his hands. Peter had been surprised when he'd turned up in the car park, but he'd listened to his explanation and taken it all in quite willingly. He'd understood the urgency of the situation and known, right from the start, what this would mean for him. He'd accepted his fate without question or hesitation, and the Doctor had felt that same surge of guilt that he'd done before.
Peter's only condition was that he was able to talk to Sarah after the Doctor had let slip how depressed Sarah had been before, in the other timeline. So coming here, to this day, had seemed logical. The only person she'd accept an explanation from would be her husband. He would be the one who could convince her that he was doing it of his own free will and not because he being forced into anything.
To save the world from the Trickster, Peter Dalton had to give up his life. The Doctor had always known this and it was for that reason, no other, that he had remained silent at Defry Vale. Sarah needed to enjoy her time with her family, she needed to live her life as normally as possible without knowing when it was all going to come to an end.
After a few moments he walked back towards the TARDIS, not wanting to interrupt them but also aware that time, even when under his control, was fleeting.
~~
"I can't believe you're here," Sarah said, her fingers tracing a line down his face, over his lips. "I can't believe..."
"It's not his fault," Peter said, nodding in the direction to the waiting Doctor. "I know what I'm doing."
"You're leaving me. You're leaving the kids..."
"Shhh," he soothed. "If I stay..."
"I know, I know. It's just... happening again."
"What?"
"Before. You... You gave yourself up to save me, to save everyone."
"Meant to be then," he said with a hint of a smile. "I love you, Sarah. Always have."
"Loved you longer," she quipped.
"Loved you more."
"You think so?"
"After everything I've put up with? A lesser man would have walked." Peter kissed the tip of her nose and rested his forehead against hers. "A man who didn't love you as much as I do would have walked."
She laughed and felt her mouth curling up in a smile.
"I should go," he said quietly.
"It's for the best," she said, trying to convince herself that she meant it.
"I could... I mean, it's not as if the Doctor can't take me back at any time."
"The longer you stay, the harder it'll be for you to go... And the kids..."
"I should say goodbye to them."
"Peter..." she protested. "They're barely coping as it is..."
"I have to see them," he said, taking her hands in his.
She dropped her eyes, looking at their hands. Then her brow creased in confusion. "Your ring."
"What about it?" he asked, glancing at his wedding ring.
"You didn't have it on in the hospital."
He looked at it for a second, then let go of her hands. With some effort he pulled his ring off, flexing his fingers as he worked the metal band over his knuckle. Taking her left hand in his he slipped the ring onto her thumb. It hung loose, but he reached into her jacket pocket and removed the sonic lipstick.
"Habit," she shrugged, trying to explain why she had it, trying to remember putting it in there.
(Standing by the TARDIS, the Doctor watched them quietly, making a mental note of what she was wearing and which pocket he would have to slip the lipstick into.)
He smiled at her then activated it, moving the gold molecules around until the ring fitted snug around her thumb. "Something to remember me by," he whispered, prompting more tears to well up in her eyes.
Sarah looked at the ring, then up at him, kissing him gently. Then taking his hand she turned towards the TARDIS to look at the Doctor - who was looking over her shoulder.
"Dad?" Nicole's voice was quiet and hesitant, as she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. "Mum, what's...?"
They turned to face the sound of their daughter's voice, finding her stood there with Luke. Unable to wait any longer they'd sought out their mother only to stumble across something they never expected.
"It's OK, sweetheart," Sarah said, dropping Peter's hand. "He's real."
That was all Nicole needed, and she broke into a run, throwing her arms around her father. Luke held back a little bit longer until Sarah nodded at him, confirming that everything was OK. He quickly joined his sister, holding on to him for all he was worth.
Sarah wrapped her arms protectively around herself before joining the Doctor by the TARDIS.
"You OK?" he asked.
She didn't respond.
"So... you and I fall out?"
"You're taking him from me," she replied, her voice flat.
"Sarah..."
"I understand, I do... It's just..."
"You're losing him. Again."
"You knew. All along, you knew. How this would end. Now. Like this."
"That's why I couldn't tell you."
"I know."
"I just wanted you to be happy, Sarah."
"And you've done such a great job of it," she snapped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She took a deep breath. "After... I'm really going to have a go at you later. Sorry."
"Sure you had your reasons. To tell me that..." He paused, risking a glance at her. "Do you still mean it? Do you want me to go? For good?"
"I... don't know," she admitted.
"OK."
She had kept her eyes on Peter and their children, watching him say goodbye. It broke her heart more than she would ever admit, but at the same time she knew that it would be a kind of closure for them. She had the chance to say goodbye in the hospital, this was their time. He pulled back from them, putting a hand on each of their cheeks. Then he kissed them and they headed towards the police box.
"Ready?" the Doctor asked as they stopped a few metres away.
"As I'll ever be."
Sarah and Peter met halfway between the Doctor and their children. His hand brushed her cheek before he kissed the top of her head. He stopped there, taking a deep breath as if he could breathe her in. Then they continued on, Sarah joining Nic and Luke, Peter joining the Doctor.
"Stay with him," Sarah told the Doctor. "Please."
He nodded his agreement, and she knew that he would keep his word. He stepped inside the TARDIS, going to prepare her for her trip back two weeks to that fateful day. From the accident he would make sure Peter got to hospital, then come for Sarah so she could be with Peter at the end.
"I..." Peter began, looking at each member of his family in turn. "I'm sorry."
"It's OK, Dad," Nicole said.
'Love you,' he mouthed, then stepped inside the TARDIS. A few seconds later the familiar sounds echoed and the police box disappeared.
"Come on," Sarah said, taking their hands and leading them away. She returned to the graveside and dropped a handful of earth onto the coffin. Then she began the slow walk back to the waiting cars, ready to return home.
~fin~
Epilogue teaser :
Nicole glared at her and then smiled. "We brought back something from the Blathereen. A plant."
"A plant?"
"Yeah, they say it can feed the world. Might put Bono out of a job, but it's for a good cause." Nicole watched her mother, looking for some flicker of interest.
"Sounds great."
"That's if it checks out OK."
"I'm sure you'll be careful," Sarah said, saving her work and shutting down the laptop. "Want some tea?"
"No thanks," Nicole replied, still getting to her feet to follow her mother. "Is that all you have to say on the matter? That I'll be careful?"
"What do you want me to say?" Sarah asked as she checked the water level in the kettle before switching it on.
"I don't know, that you're interested in it? Concerned? Worried?"
"I've told you before, I don't do all this now."
"You're really just giving it all up? Forget defending the planet?"
"I'm getting too old for this," she said, "given I've lived through the best part of ninety years all in," she added as a quip.
"No, you're getting too scared," Nicole snapped. "Dad's gone and all you have done since the funeral is run away from anything and everything that reminds you of your old life. Because of that life the Trickster introduced you to Dad in some other timeline, you lose him, and then because of some... old school time travel stuff you get a second chance, living thirty years over again and setting up your life again with a family.
"Only that doesn't end the way you'd hoped and yeah, it hurts. But instead of dealing with it and moving on, you're running away and hiding."
Author : Jen
Fandom : The Sarah Jane Adventures
Rating : PG
Pairing/Characters Sarah Jane, Peter Dalton, Ten, Luke, OC (Nicole)
Summary : Sarah wished for one more chance with Peter; the Universe gave it to her. After changing the past she finds that living her life over again brings up problems she didn't see coming...
Spoilers : references to the whole series
Notes : thus concludes the story. After a fashion. The Epilogue wraps up a few loose ends from this story (not all though - that's for another series) but as far as the actual plotline of 'Second Chance' goes, Sarah changing time for Peter, here endeth the ride. Please collect your belongings as you leave, souvenir photos are available from the gift shop.
Author thanks : self-preserving for her support, feedback, plot note making sessions, being my sounding board... basically for being her awesome self. spydurwebb for being a wonderful beta, for asking all the right questions and shoving me in the right direction on occasion. I would also like to thank Coca Cola for their wonderful Diet drink, and Cadbury's for their range of chocolates. You have sustained this author through almost 100,000 words!
~~
He spoke quickly and with brevity, explaining how the Doctor had come to him. The Trickster had changed things to prevent the original accident that would claim his life and therefore condemn the world to chaos and the Pantheon of Discord. So he was faced with a choice; die or lose everything.
It had taken him seconds to decide and it will be his action, no one else's, that will lead to his car leaving the road.
Still holding on to her husband, Sarah listened to his explanation. Her gaze dropped as she heard him talk about his death in the future tense.
"You blame him," Peter said, hooking his finger under her jaw to lift her head. "Don't."
"If he hadn't..."
"Then everyone would be in danger," he said. "If I don't do this then you and Nic and Luke could get hurt, or killed, and I won't risk that for anything. You three are everything to me, Sarah. I'd die for you without hesitation or second thought." He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. "The world is just a secondary concern."
"This isn't fair..." she breathed, leaning forward and resting her head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. When she felt his lips press a kiss to the top of her head she closed her eyes.
"Sarah..."
"How am I supposed to do this without you?" she asked quietly. "I just miss... this," she said as his arms closed around her. "From the start you've been there for me. You looked after me when I was sick, you held me after each miscarriage even when I yelled at you to never touch me again.
"You gave me the most beautiful daughter... You have shared every high and every low of Nic's life. Every illness, every bug... the broken bones and bumps and scrapes. When I'd convinced myself that we were going to lose her, when she was in the hospital, you calmed me down, help me see logic and reason.
"When Aunt Lavinia died, you stood by her grave with me and held my hand and your promised me that I'd never be alone.
"I thought I loved you before, Peter, and losing you then was... I wanted you back so badly I ended up with this. But I don't want this. I can't deal with this. I need you, Peter. I need you to take care of me, hold me and not let go because I can't deal with this on my own. I just can't. And I know that makes me sound like some girl who needs taking care of but I don't care. You are my heart."
When she felt Peter's hand gently stroking her hair, she took a deep breath, burying her face into his chest. "You're my heart, Peter," she muttered, "and I know that sounds like a cliché but it's true." She gave a short laugh as she heard herself. "I was never like this before. Luke and the others... having them in my life was making a difference but it wasn't the same. With you? It was everything. There wasn't a part of my life I didn't want you to be a part of. And I know I kept stuff from you but it was never because I didn't want you to know…
"But more than that, you were always there. You have been a constant in my life and now you're not... I feel lost. I don't want to do this without you."
His arms closed around her, holding her tight against his body. She could hear the steady beat of his heart, marking every borrowed moment. The once comforting sound, something she'd fallen asleep to more nights than she could remember, now seemed to pound in her mind.
"You need to go," she said suddenly as he kissed the top of her head again. "You need to go now."
"Sarah..." he began, confused as she pushed him away.
"If you don't go now then I'll never be able to let you... If I don't say goodbye..."
"Again," he laughed.
She smiled and shook her head. "I can't believe you knew. In the hospital. You knew. Or will know."
"Would you rather I say something?"
She thought about it then shook her head.
"Then I won't," he almost joked.
"Oh don't," she breathed, fighting back the tears which had regrouped for another assault. "Please."
"You will OK, Sarah. I know you will be. You're stronger..."
"Not without you," she interrupted. "It was hard enough before... Thirty years, a daughter... our family, our whole lives - now without you? It doesn't work."
"It will do," he assured her. "You will make it work, Sarah."
She pulled back to look up at him, her eyes shining with tears. "What if I don't want it to?" she asked.
Peter said nothing, holding her gaze for a moment before kissing her gently. There was a first kiss, then a second. Sarah's arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tightly and so he lifted her up slightly, pulling her against his body. They kissed in the rain as they had done for the first time all those years ago.
~~
The Doctor left them alone, moving to the edge of the tree line to observe those still standing around the grave. He easily picked out the Brigadier and Dr Liz Shaw. No, wait. She wouldn't be Shaw any more, would she? And there was Luke, Nicole, Clyde and Rani. Leaning against the tree he watched them for a moment, taking care to remain out of sight. He risked a glance back towards Sarah and Peter, noting that they had moved from their embrace to one more suited to a conversation.
From what she'd said back there, he guessed that when this was all over he was going to have a very angry Sarah Jane on his hands. Peter had been surprised when he'd turned up in the car park, but he'd listened to his explanation and taken it all in quite willingly. He'd understood the urgency of the situation and known, right from the start, what this would mean for him. He'd accepted his fate without question or hesitation, and the Doctor had felt that same surge of guilt that he'd done before.
Peter's only condition was that he was able to talk to Sarah after the Doctor had let slip how depressed Sarah had been before, in the other timeline. So coming here, to this day, had seemed logical. The only person she'd accept an explanation from would be her husband. He would be the one who could convince her that he was doing it of his own free will and not because he being forced into anything.
To save the world from the Trickster, Peter Dalton had to give up his life. The Doctor had always known this and it was for that reason, no other, that he had remained silent at Defry Vale. Sarah needed to enjoy her time with her family, she needed to live her life as normally as possible without knowing when it was all going to come to an end.
After a few moments he walked back towards the TARDIS, not wanting to interrupt them but also aware that time, even when under his control, was fleeting.
~~
"I can't believe you're here," Sarah said, her fingers tracing a line down his face, over his lips. "I can't believe..."
"It's not his fault," Peter said, nodding in the direction to the waiting Doctor. "I know what I'm doing."
"You're leaving me. You're leaving the kids..."
"Shhh," he soothed. "If I stay..."
"I know, I know. It's just... happening again."
"What?"
"Before. You... You gave yourself up to save me, to save everyone."
"Meant to be then," he said with a hint of a smile. "I love you, Sarah. Always have."
"Loved you longer," she quipped.
"Loved you more."
"You think so?"
"After everything I've put up with? A lesser man would have walked." Peter kissed the tip of her nose and rested his forehead against hers. "A man who didn't love you as much as I do would have walked."
She laughed and felt her mouth curling up in a smile.
"I should go," he said quietly.
"It's for the best," she said, trying to convince herself that she meant it.
"I could... I mean, it's not as if the Doctor can't take me back at any time."
"The longer you stay, the harder it'll be for you to go... And the kids..."
"I should say goodbye to them."
"Peter..." she protested. "They're barely coping as it is..."
"I have to see them," he said, taking her hands in his.
She dropped her eyes, looking at their hands. Then her brow creased in confusion. "Your ring."
"What about it?" he asked, glancing at his wedding ring.
"You didn't have it on in the hospital."
He looked at it for a second, then let go of her hands. With some effort he pulled his ring off, flexing his fingers as he worked the metal band over his knuckle. Taking her left hand in his he slipped the ring onto her thumb. It hung loose, but he reached into her jacket pocket and removed the sonic lipstick.
"Habit," she shrugged, trying to explain why she had it, trying to remember putting it in there.
(Standing by the TARDIS, the Doctor watched them quietly, making a mental note of what she was wearing and which pocket he would have to slip the lipstick into.)
He smiled at her then activated it, moving the gold molecules around until the ring fitted snug around her thumb. "Something to remember me by," he whispered, prompting more tears to well up in her eyes.
Sarah looked at the ring, then up at him, kissing him gently. Then taking his hand she turned towards the TARDIS to look at the Doctor - who was looking over her shoulder.
"Dad?" Nicole's voice was quiet and hesitant, as she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. "Mum, what's...?"
They turned to face the sound of their daughter's voice, finding her stood there with Luke. Unable to wait any longer they'd sought out their mother only to stumble across something they never expected.
"It's OK, sweetheart," Sarah said, dropping Peter's hand. "He's real."
That was all Nicole needed, and she broke into a run, throwing her arms around her father. Luke held back a little bit longer until Sarah nodded at him, confirming that everything was OK. He quickly joined his sister, holding on to him for all he was worth.
Sarah wrapped her arms protectively around herself before joining the Doctor by the TARDIS.
"You OK?" he asked.
She didn't respond.
"So... you and I fall out?"
"You're taking him from me," she replied, her voice flat.
"Sarah..."
"I understand, I do... It's just..."
"You're losing him. Again."
"You knew. All along, you knew. How this would end. Now. Like this."
"That's why I couldn't tell you."
"I know."
"I just wanted you to be happy, Sarah."
"And you've done such a great job of it," she snapped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She took a deep breath. "After... I'm really going to have a go at you later. Sorry."
"Sure you had your reasons. To tell me that..." He paused, risking a glance at her. "Do you still mean it? Do you want me to go? For good?"
"I... don't know," she admitted.
"OK."
She had kept her eyes on Peter and their children, watching him say goodbye. It broke her heart more than she would ever admit, but at the same time she knew that it would be a kind of closure for them. She had the chance to say goodbye in the hospital, this was their time. He pulled back from them, putting a hand on each of their cheeks. Then he kissed them and they headed towards the police box.
"Ready?" the Doctor asked as they stopped a few metres away.
"As I'll ever be."
Sarah and Peter met halfway between the Doctor and their children. His hand brushed her cheek before he kissed the top of her head. He stopped there, taking a deep breath as if he could breathe her in. Then they continued on, Sarah joining Nic and Luke, Peter joining the Doctor.
"Stay with him," Sarah told the Doctor. "Please."
He nodded his agreement, and she knew that he would keep his word. He stepped inside the TARDIS, going to prepare her for her trip back two weeks to that fateful day. From the accident he would make sure Peter got to hospital, then come for Sarah so she could be with Peter at the end.
"I..." Peter began, looking at each member of his family in turn. "I'm sorry."
"It's OK, Dad," Nicole said.
'Love you,' he mouthed, then stepped inside the TARDIS. A few seconds later the familiar sounds echoed and the police box disappeared.
"Come on," Sarah said, taking their hands and leading them away. She returned to the graveside and dropped a handful of earth onto the coffin. Then she began the slow walk back to the waiting cars, ready to return home.
~fin~
Epilogue teaser :
Nicole glared at her and then smiled. "We brought back something from the Blathereen. A plant."
"A plant?"
"Yeah, they say it can feed the world. Might put Bono out of a job, but it's for a good cause." Nicole watched her mother, looking for some flicker of interest.
"Sounds great."
"That's if it checks out OK."
"I'm sure you'll be careful," Sarah said, saving her work and shutting down the laptop. "Want some tea?"
"No thanks," Nicole replied, still getting to her feet to follow her mother. "Is that all you have to say on the matter? That I'll be careful?"
"What do you want me to say?" Sarah asked as she checked the water level in the kettle before switching it on.
"I don't know, that you're interested in it? Concerned? Worried?"
"I've told you before, I don't do all this now."
"You're really just giving it all up? Forget defending the planet?"
"I'm getting too old for this," she said, "given I've lived through the best part of ninety years all in," she added as a quip.
"No, you're getting too scared," Nicole snapped. "Dad's gone and all you have done since the funeral is run away from anything and everything that reminds you of your old life. Because of that life the Trickster introduced you to Dad in some other timeline, you lose him, and then because of some... old school time travel stuff you get a second chance, living thirty years over again and setting up your life again with a family.
"Only that doesn't end the way you'd hoped and yeah, it hurts. But instead of dealing with it and moving on, you're running away and hiding."