Hope in an Angels Smile
[mood| 
Busy ]
Title: Hope in an Angels Smile
Author: Miss Court-A-Doo
Rating: PG-13ish (for language)
Warning: This story begins at the end of "Special" but it has nothing to do with the "Homecoming" Promo.
Summary: This is my own little version of the Charlie/Claire reunion.
Author's Note: Well, maybe not as little as I would have liked. It's almost 5000 words, so it's kinda long, but so worth it in the end. It's just a angsty/sweet reunion fic that I had an idea for. It's my first C/C fic, so please read and let me know what you think. Thanksies!
x-posted on charlie_claire, lost_fanfic and ficinabottle
Hope in an Angels Smile
Charlie ran a frustrated hand through his scruffy dark blond hair and let out a slew of swear words under his breath as he paced the sandy beach. He was angry at the doctor, delighted by the diary, and simply annoyed with himself. So many emotions raging about inside of him, it was all he could do to pace.
This elated feeling he’d experienced when reading Claire’s diary made him feel closer to her than ever before. No matter that they were all lost on some forsaken island, forget the fact he was from a formerly well known band and a recovering drug addict, and that this girl he’d grown so infatuated over the past few weeks was missing. The deepening feelings he had for her surely surpassing that of simple admiration or concern. When he read Claire’s written words, about him, straight from her heart, he felt lifted up, he felt happy, he felt... hope. And even on this cursed island, Claire often did that - gave him hope.
But then the rest of her diary was disheartening, to say the least. Her past with that idiot Thomas, her fears about being attacked, her frightening dreams... she was in danger. The doctor didn’t have to believe her, but Charlie believed. And he was more than willing to go out searching for her in the dead of night, monstrous polar bear or not. But that damned doctor...
Who the hell did he think he was? Who died and made him king of the bloody island? Well, the pilot maybe... but what right did he think he had to tell Charlie what to do? They were all trapped here, equally ranked, none better than the other. Except Shannon maybe, lazy bitch...
Exhausted, Charlie finally dropped to the sand and leaned on the back of a large boulder. He watched the reflection of the moon and stars dance on the oceans waves. Images of Claire’s smile flickered in his mind and he felt hot tears sting in his eyes. No, not again...
Gah, how he missed Claire. Her golden smile, her heart warming laughter, those beautiful blue eyes that could see into his soul... he was worried. He had no clue where she was, if she would ever be coming back. He was losing hope. And it was a shame, it seemed that Claire was the only person that could renew that hope.
He closed his eyes to the harshness of reality, his head throbbing at the painful issues at hand. He wanted to believe that Claire was alive, that there was someone, somewhere out there, looking for the devastated people that survived the plane crash to help them of the island. He wanted nothing more than to snatch his dear Claire out of the jaws of despair wherever she may be, take her away from the mysterious abandonment of the island to keep her and her child in the safe confines of his arms. But he couldn’t care for her the way he wanted to if she wasn’t around and that meant he was left to worry.
Suddenly he heard his name being called in the distance. He looked up across the beach to see Jack running towards him. Charlie’s heart sank and he felt himself grow angry again. He stood as the still taller man approached him, but with narrowed eyes.
“Charlie,” Jack said breathlessly. “We’ve got to talk.”
“Damn right.” Charlie said bitterly. He threw a punch, landing square in the jaw and knocking him backwards.
“You bloody bastard! Who the hell do you think you are telling me we can’t go looking for Claire?” His eyes were void of tears, but his voice still held emotion. “She’s been missing a week now and no one’s done a thing. Apparently, I’m the only on this island who cares for her enough to even consider going to look for her.” Finally, Charlie took a deep breath. “I’m worried, Jack. I want to go find her.”
Jack stood, wiping his swollen lip, also take a breath in. “There’s no need, Charlie. She’s back.”
Charlie felt his heart drop into the very depths of his stomach as he looked up at the doctor in disbelief. “Pardon?”
“I’m serious, Charlie. Boone and Locke were out looking for Vincent, and came upon Claire, walking aimlessly through the jungle. She’s back at camp right now.”
A surge of tears threatened to spill as Charlie felt his legs grow weak. “Well, wh- whe... where is she? Is she all right? Where’s the baby? Is she okay?” Charlie stammered with his sudden flood of questions.
“Charlie, listen to me. She is back, but there something you need to know first.” Jack looked so serious that Charlie had to nod and take a long breath to make his heart beat steady again.
“She’s physically fine. A bit dirty and underfed, but other than that, she’s well. Still very pregnant, and the baby is alive. She’s by the fire with Kate right now, and there’s no sign of Ethan.”
Even the sound of Ethan’s name couldn’t stop the grin that was growing on Charlie’s lips. Claire was alive - and at the camp! “Can... can I go see her?”
“I’m not done yet, Charlie. Please hear me out.” Jack let out an anxious sigh, and Charlie’s impatience was getting the best of him. “I said physically she’s fine. But mentally, she’s not all there.”
Charlie froze. “What do you mean?”
“I mean she has no memory, Charlie. She doesn’t remember the crash, anything that happened before it or anything that happened on the island. She doesn’t remember Ethan, Boone, Locke, Kate, me... or you, Charlie.”
Charlie closed his eyes to the bitter truth and sighed. None of their conversations, none of thier moments? Did she remember the peanut butter...? Despair engulfed him and he hung his head.
“She doesn’t remember me?” he said, his voice more emotional than planned.
Jack shook his head and sighed. “I’m sorry, Charlie.”
After a moment, Charlie nodded and looked up, swallowing the hard truth. “Can I still see her?”
“That’s why I came to get you. But Charlie, you can’t--”
“I know, I don’t plan to.” said Charlie in a very dry emotionless voice. “I just want to see her.”
*
Jack shook his head as he watched Charlie trudging to the fire pit slowly. He knew the news would be heartbreaking for him. It was obvious to everyone that he cared for Claire. Now that she couldn’t remember any of the moments they had shared... it wold be a very hard thing to swallow. Jack simply shook his head again and let Charlie to the fire.
*
Claire looked up quickly as she heard bustling in the jungle, fear consumer her. Through the fire she could see the doctor walking through the jungle, and she eased. But someone was following him... Jack moved aside and revealed the stranger. Her heart constricted as he locked eyes with her. He might’ve been a stranger, but he was so familiar...
"Claire, I'd like you to meet someone." Jack said. "This is Charlie."
“Hello, Claire.” his smooth voice said, painfully begging her to evoke some memory... but her mind was blank.
“Do I know you?” It sounded like a cruel question even to her own ears. It was obvious to her that this group of stranded people knew her, worried over her and cared about her. But there was something about this man that made her desperately want to remember something, anything. She felt her heart grow warm at the sight of him, all fear and anxiety suddenly gone. Somehow, she did know him. Yet, she didn’t.
Charlie seemed to contemplate her question for a moment, then looked up at her. “You tell me. Do you?”
Claire looked away. He was painfully familiar, but she had no memories. “I want to,” she said in a frustrated voice, “But I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”
He gave a forced smile. “Don’t worry. It will all come back eventually.”
Claire was grateful when Jack intervened because she felt her tears sting in her eyes and she didn’t want to cry.
“All right everyone. It’s late and we’ve all had a long day.” Jack said, putting a comforting hand on Claire’s shoulder.
“Let me grab my blanket, Jack, and she can have the tent.” Charlie said quickly.
Jack nodded and helped the very pregnant girl stand. She watched Charlie emerge from the tent with a blanket and got comfortable by the fireside.
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I don’t mean to put anyone out of their bed.” Claire commented.
Once again, he smiled fakely. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. This is all new and uncomfortable for you. I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible.”
Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt. She nodded thankfully and Jack let her to the tent. Once she was safely and securely inside, Jack came to stand by Charlie.
“I’m proud of you, Charlie. You’re handling all this very well.” Jack said quietly.
“Only because it hasn’t all sunk in yet. It’ll be hell tomorrow.” he said in dry humor, though little was funny to him at the moment.
Jack smiled half-heartedly. “Just don’t give her too much space, Charlie. She needs to remember.”
Charlie nodded, staring aimlessly into the fire. “I won’t be sleeping much so you can get to bed. I’ll keep watch tonight.”
*
“Do I know you?”
“You used to.” Charlie wanted to say.
But he couldn’t be so heartless when she was in such a scared and vulnerable position. And yet, so was he. When he had first seen her through the flickering fire, he immediately felt his heart swell with relief - she was alive. Maybe a little ragged and sickly looking, but she was alive and well, and she still had the baby.
The baby... it had always caused an urge of protection in him. He felt his job to keep her safe, to be her security. That he be the one to keep her mind away from the desperation of this lonesome island, to keep her happy, to make her smile, laugh. And it wasn’t out of obligation - he wanted to do this, he needed it, to keep his own sanity, he had to keep her happy and safe. That in turn gave him the hope that he so desperately needed.
Now she didn’t know him. This girl, who had completely consumed his mind with her spit-fire attitude, Australian accent and angels smile, now she had no memory of their almost-moments. No recollection of their discussions, their time spent together, trusting and accepting one another. No memory of the peanut butter...
Damn. Such a depressing thought brought tears to his eyes. They had bonded, made a connection. Whatever they call it, Charlie and Claire had become friends. Now that connection was broken, they were back at the beginning when they were uncomfortable in each others presence because of the unspoken attraction. But this time, it was because of unremembered moments that the tension would return. Damnit.
*
It was the first light of morning, the suns rays shining through the tree when Charlie heard voices. He had turned on his side and eventually fallen asleep by watching the coals in the fire flicker into darkness. He opened his eyes to find Hurley sitting beside him, cooking something over a renewed fire. Hurley looked down, and lifted his finger over his lips as to tell him to be quiet. Then there were voices again - male voices. Obviously Charlie wasn’t the only one that was disturbed by Claire’s return with no sign of Ethan.
“Besides, you need to be here in case the girl has her baby.” said Locke’s hushed voice, and he was obviously speaking to Jack. “I’ll take Boone and Sayid with me for a few days, see it we can’t find any sign of Ethan. Maybe we’ll get sight of the French woman, or more pigs, or more polar bears. Anything would be better than eating these damn bananas all the time.”
“Amen,” Hurley muttered. But Charlie wasn’t smiling. He bolted to his feet, and turned to where the men were obviously preparing to leave.
“If you’re going after Ethan, then I’m coming, too.” Charlie said forcefully.
“Maybe that’s not the best idea, Charlie...” Jack said.
“Maybe you should stop telling me what to do!” Charlie almost yelled, not caring that most were still probably sleeping.
“He’s right, Charlie.” Locke said simply, sheathing a small dagger in his belt. “I think you might be too emotionally involved. Besides, Claire isn’t... ready to handle things alone yet. She needs you here.”
Charlie shook his head. “You can’t be serious. Do you realize you’re talking about Ethan here? What he did her me... and her! I of all people should be the one going out there! Stringing that bastard up by his crotch hairs and burning his bloody eyes out and... and I’m just proving your point, aren’t I?” Charlie sighed and Locke simply chuckled.
“Sorry, kid. You just need to sit this one out.”
Charlie let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “She doesn’t remember me, Locke.”
“Not yet.” he answered, making Charlie’s head snap up. “But she will. That’s why you should hang around.”
“He’s right, Charlie.” Jack said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You spent the most time with her out of all of us, and you know her best. I think you are the most qualified one here to help trigger a memory for her.”
Charlie looked at Sayid and Boone pleadingly, but they only nodded in agreement. Locke then motioned for them to move, and Charlie watched with a heavy heart as they disappeared into the jungle with Jack bidding them good luck. Charlie wrenched from Jack’s hand and made way back to the fire pit, where Hurley was still cooking with a smile.
“What do you think?” Charlie asked. Hurley only chuckled.
“Sorry dude, but I think that you need the mom, just as much as she needs you.”
One Week Later
Claire couldn’t help the unsettling feeling that gathered in her chest each time she saw Charlie. Anyone could tell that something was bothering him. It wasn't just the fact that Locke, Boone and Sayid had not returned yet, or that they were eating bananas at every meal. A little guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that it was her fault, whatever was wrong with Charlie.
The first couple days were awkward, to say the least. How he knew her, and she didn’t know him. These people all knew her and cared about her, Charlie especially. It was letting them care for her that was the hard part. It was letting the doctor check on her unborn child. It was letting Locke build her a tiny crib, letting Hurley make her laugh. It was letting Charlie bring her food and water, help her smile, give her hope. He made her feel safe.
She had a special bond with Charlie, she knew. She had no memories of it, but she could see it every time she looked into his mysterious dark eyes, she could feel it in her heart. She knew somehow that he cared about her. She in turn cared about him, and it killed her to see him in pain because of her, day after day. She once came upon Charlie in tears. He was sitting alone in the jungle, wiping at his cheeks, muttering her name. And that broke her heart. She hated causing so much trouble and heartache throughout the camp, especially for someone as caring and adorable as Charlie. She wanted to remember. More than anything she wanted just to remember everything. No matter how scary or painful. And she would remember.
With the last little bits of strength and courage she had left, Claire carefully stood. She slowly hobbled over to where Charlie was sitting on the beach. He was staring wistfully out into the vast blue ocean, the wind tousling his hair, and the sun shining on his adorable face. “Hey, Charlie.” she said with a smile.
He looked up in surprise, then a smile graced his lips. “Hi, Claire.”
“Do you mind if I sit?”
“Not at all.” he said, offering his hand to help.
“You feelin okay?” he asked and she held a hang tight to her lard tummy.
“I’m doing okay. Jack says I’m due any day now, so I’m a bit nervous.” she confessed.
*
“Ah, you’ll do fine. I’m sure Rose will be willing to help out. She seems like the caring, experiences grandmotherly type.” Charlie said encouragingly. “She helped me out quite a bit when my head wasn’t in the right place while you were gone and I was missing you...” Charlie then cleared his throat, trying to change the uncomfortable subject. “I can’t really picture anyone else helping with something so grand as giving birth, its doesn’t seem like Kate’s or Shannon’s thing. Maybe Sun will help, too.”
Then she smiled, and Charlie felt his heart melt. “Well, that makes me feel better.” she said.
Charlie then opened his mouth to speak, but immediately closed it and bit his tongue - hard. Closing his eyes, he turned away.
He suddenly remembered one of the last memories he had with the old Claire - the real Claire. He was trying to be helpful when she had started having contractions on the jungle trail. He remembered swearing never to leave her side, counting those ridiculous sugar plum fairies to help ease his then heavy mind, then accidentally slipping about his previous drug habit but still willing to at least try to help with the delivery of her baby. Surely that would educe some memory, remind her how truly loyal he was...
“Were you going to say something, Charlie?” Claire’s voice shook him suddenly from his thoughts.
“Nah, I just remembered something... a time when I offered to deliver your baby, do you remember?” he laughed. “We were arguing about where you should sleep and you started having contractions. I made a complete idiot out of myself because I was so nervous. But I couldn’t leave you. I swore I would never let anything happen to you...” As his voice trailed off, Charlie hung his head in shame and let out a deep sigh, defeat written plainly on his face.
Claire shook her head. “Charlie... I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your concern and care for me and my baby the past few days. But you can’t protect me from everything. You’re just one man.” She said, touching his shoulder. “Just that fact that you were willing, that you care enough about me means that world to me. I can’t thank you enough, really.”
He simply shrugged. “Well, I try.”
“And thank you for sharing that with me. I don’t remember, I’m sorry, but maybe if you keep telling me stories like that, I might remember something.”
Charlie nodded and gave a forced smile. “Any time.” Then he stood and walked away.
*
Claire shivered as she sat by the fire. Regardless of how hot it got on the beach during the day, it got down right chilly when the sun hid and evening came. Now, she sat alone, contemplating Charlie’s words earlier that day.
How she wished she could remember! It was frustrating being around people that knew her, like Charlie, who knew her well. Stories like the one Charlie had told her... she didn’t remember anything. Nothing. It was like there was a giant void in her life, and no one could help her with it - it was her responsibility to remember everything. But she had no memory. She didn’t remember anything about the child growing inside her and that unnerved her greatly. No memory of its father, her life before the plane crash or anything about being on the island. It was rather upsetting. And it scared her.
But then there was Charlie. He was ever by her side, for which she was grateful. She didn’t like being alone. And with his charming smile, his encouraging words and his comforting presence - just being around him dissolved all her fears. He was always bringing her food and water, inquiring about her comfort and always brightening her day with a smile. She appreciated Charlie... a lot.
Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with warmth. She looked over to see a smiling Charlie laying a blanket over her shoulders. She smiled gratefully at him and turned back to the fire as he sat next to her.
“Thanks, Charlie.” she said. Then an odd sensation enveloped her whole body. “Whoa...” she muttered.
“You okay?” said a concerned Charlie.
“Yeah... I just got this weird sense of deja vu all of a sudden.” she almost whispered. She could see it perfectly in her mind... Charlie draping a blanket over her back by the fire.
Charlie smiled. “Well, I guess that’s good, because I have brought you a blanket once when you weren’t feeling too well.” he explained somewhat hesitantly. “How are you feeling now?”
“Well, much better now that you’re here.” she said truthfully. “I don’t like being alone. I always feel the need to look over my shoulder, like I’m running from something...”
Charlie looked at her quizzically for a few moments as her voice trailed off. “But other than that I’m just irritated. That I still can’t remember anything. You’d think I’d have remembered something by now--”
“Wait, hold up. You mean you don’t remember Ethan? You don’t remember anything?” he asked incredulously.
Claire narrowed her eyebrows and raised her voice. “Okay, where have you been the past few days, Charlie? Yes, that’s a great assumption, Captain Obvious. I can’t remember a damn thing, so why don’t you just rub it in my face and make me feel loads better? That always helps!” The emotion was growing in her voice and she turned away.
“No, Claire, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant... Ethan was so recent, I thought you’d at least remember that.”
Tears shining in her nervous eyes, she choked on a sob. “No, I can’t remember anything. The last thing I remember was waking up in a strange room and being very frightened. But the door was open, so I ran... I ran right into...”
“Locke and Boone.” Charlie finished, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders. “Don't worry, Claire. We’ll get everything taken care of. You’ll get your memory back... somehow.”
“I know,” she said, sniffling and gaining control of herself once more. “I just wish I could do something to make it come back faster... everything would be so less complicated.”
I don’t know about that, Charlie thought with a smirk, thinking of the thick tension that he often shared with her, constantly dancing around their friendship. Though, he was fully enjoying holding Claire close to him at the moment, and he didn’t feel like changing that at the moment. He savored the warmth she gave, the comfortable stillness and the newly growing bond they shared. But the silence was suddenly broken when she began to stand.
“Well, if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that I still have to pee all the time!” she giggled, making her way to the jungle. “And peanut butter... I’ve been craving that for days.”
Charlie froze. Peanut Butter. The diary. Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of it before? What an idiot! He felt like throttling himself a few times over before he stood.
“Hey Claire, don’t go too far. I’ll be right back. I’m going to get something from my bag, kay?” he said somewhat nervously.
“Go for it!” she waved him off and he bolted.
A few minutes later, Charlie returned to the fire to find Claire very much relieved and smiling up at him.
“What do you have there, Charlie?” she asked, watching him carefully as he took a deep breath.
“We’re going to talk, Claire. I’m going to tell you everything I know, everything I can remember. You may never want to talk to me again, but I think that this will help you bring your memory back.”
“Okay,” she said, equaling his seriousness.
Charlie eyed Jack and Kate who had joined the fires circle in his absence, but they obviously couldn’t take a hint. “You up for a midnight stroll?” he asked, offering her a hand up.
“Sure, why not?” Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt. She took his hand and he led her to the forest. Kate almost went after them, but Jack stayed her.
“Someone should follow them, to make sure they’re okay.” Kate insisted.
“Kate, Claire’s not safer with anyone else but Charlie, and I believe that. And if there’s anyone on this damned island that can bring back her memory, it’s him.”
Kate nodded in agreement and returned to her seat, watching Charlie and Claire walk into the dark woods, hand in hand. Kate noted, however, that in Charlie’s back pocket was a familiar little book. The one he had fought Sawyer for. And in his other hand was a little empty jar.
*
“I care about you, Claire. I worry about you and the baby all the time...”
“You and I were good friends before. And... I believe that we were well on our way to becoming more than just friends...”
“This is no ordinary jar. This holds the best bloody peanut butter I've ever tasted...”
“This is the diary that you wrote in religiously. Yes, I read it, and it helped me cope so much while you were gone. I think if you read it, it will help...”
Perhaps he’d been too forward. But he had wanted her to remember so badly he didn’t really care at the moment.
He had told her everything then. About the plane crash and the complex simplicity of their relationship. He told her everything she had told him about her past: Thomas, the psychic, her nightmares, and about Ethan. Then he told her the honest truth about his past, about Driveshaft and the drugs. He told her about the peanut butter they’d shared, the friendship he’d offered and the security he often gave when she needed it. He told her how heartbroken and depressed he had been after Jake and Kate had found him without her, how he missed her and worried about her constantly.
He told her how he read her diary in desperation and found peace in doing it. He told her about the overwhelming elation he felt when seeing her for the first time in a week, but then how it instantly dissolved when he realized she didn’t remember anything. It was almost painful to see her again, to have her presence back, but it also warmed his heart beyond compare...
“I can’t hardly take it anymore, Claire.” he had told her. “I... I think I’m in love with you. I love your sweet smile and the hope that it brings me. Simply being with you is heaven for me. I treasure the time we’ve shared together in the past, and I will do anything to help you get your memory back. I think these will help. Please trust me on this, Claire.” Then, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead, he silently led her back to the fire pit. Then he walked off, leaving her confused, contemplative and alone.
It was desperation that drove him into his lengthy and detailed confession. He needed relief from all the crazy emotions that had been battling inside him. But he also couldn’t stand being around Claire without her memory. She just wasn’t the same person, the same Claire. It broke his heart every day that she couldn’t remember that peanut butter... he’d tried everything else - what more could he do?
Nothing. He would simply have to wait.
It was now breaking daylight across the beach. Charlie had sat up all night, just watching the waves crashing up on the shore - hoping, feverishly praying for Claire’s memory to return.
Then he heard bustling behind him. He closed his eyes and caught his breath.
He turned and saw Claire, his pregnant angel Claire, standing at the edge of the jungle with an empty peanut butter jar and diary in hand. He locked eyes with her, trying to read in their baby blue depths, searching for something, anything...
Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt.
“Charlie.”
FIN
Busy ]
Title: Hope in an Angels Smile
Author: Miss Court-A-Doo
Rating: PG-13ish (for language)
Warning: This story begins at the end of "Special" but it has nothing to do with the "Homecoming" Promo.
Summary: This is my own little version of the Charlie/Claire reunion.
Author's Note: Well, maybe not as little as I would have liked. It's almost 5000 words, so it's kinda long, but so worth it in the end. It's just a angsty/sweet reunion fic that I had an idea for. It's my first C/C fic, so please read and let me know what you think. Thanksies!
x-posted on charlie_claire, lost_fanfic and ficinabottle
Hope in an Angels Smile
Charlie ran a frustrated hand through his scruffy dark blond hair and let out a slew of swear words under his breath as he paced the sandy beach. He was angry at the doctor, delighted by the diary, and simply annoyed with himself. So many emotions raging about inside of him, it was all he could do to pace.
This elated feeling he’d experienced when reading Claire’s diary made him feel closer to her than ever before. No matter that they were all lost on some forsaken island, forget the fact he was from a formerly well known band and a recovering drug addict, and that this girl he’d grown so infatuated over the past few weeks was missing. The deepening feelings he had for her surely surpassing that of simple admiration or concern. When he read Claire’s written words, about him, straight from her heart, he felt lifted up, he felt happy, he felt... hope. And even on this cursed island, Claire often did that - gave him hope.
But then the rest of her diary was disheartening, to say the least. Her past with that idiot Thomas, her fears about being attacked, her frightening dreams... she was in danger. The doctor didn’t have to believe her, but Charlie believed. And he was more than willing to go out searching for her in the dead of night, monstrous polar bear or not. But that damned doctor...
Who the hell did he think he was? Who died and made him king of the bloody island? Well, the pilot maybe... but what right did he think he had to tell Charlie what to do? They were all trapped here, equally ranked, none better than the other. Except Shannon maybe, lazy bitch...
Exhausted, Charlie finally dropped to the sand and leaned on the back of a large boulder. He watched the reflection of the moon and stars dance on the oceans waves. Images of Claire’s smile flickered in his mind and he felt hot tears sting in his eyes. No, not again...
Gah, how he missed Claire. Her golden smile, her heart warming laughter, those beautiful blue eyes that could see into his soul... he was worried. He had no clue where she was, if she would ever be coming back. He was losing hope. And it was a shame, it seemed that Claire was the only person that could renew that hope.
He closed his eyes to the harshness of reality, his head throbbing at the painful issues at hand. He wanted to believe that Claire was alive, that there was someone, somewhere out there, looking for the devastated people that survived the plane crash to help them of the island. He wanted nothing more than to snatch his dear Claire out of the jaws of despair wherever she may be, take her away from the mysterious abandonment of the island to keep her and her child in the safe confines of his arms. But he couldn’t care for her the way he wanted to if she wasn’t around and that meant he was left to worry.
Suddenly he heard his name being called in the distance. He looked up across the beach to see Jack running towards him. Charlie’s heart sank and he felt himself grow angry again. He stood as the still taller man approached him, but with narrowed eyes.
“Charlie,” Jack said breathlessly. “We’ve got to talk.”
“Damn right.” Charlie said bitterly. He threw a punch, landing square in the jaw and knocking him backwards.
“You bloody bastard! Who the hell do you think you are telling me we can’t go looking for Claire?” His eyes were void of tears, but his voice still held emotion. “She’s been missing a week now and no one’s done a thing. Apparently, I’m the only on this island who cares for her enough to even consider going to look for her.” Finally, Charlie took a deep breath. “I’m worried, Jack. I want to go find her.”
Jack stood, wiping his swollen lip, also take a breath in. “There’s no need, Charlie. She’s back.”
Charlie felt his heart drop into the very depths of his stomach as he looked up at the doctor in disbelief. “Pardon?”
“I’m serious, Charlie. Boone and Locke were out looking for Vincent, and came upon Claire, walking aimlessly through the jungle. She’s back at camp right now.”
A surge of tears threatened to spill as Charlie felt his legs grow weak. “Well, wh- whe... where is she? Is she all right? Where’s the baby? Is she okay?” Charlie stammered with his sudden flood of questions.
“Charlie, listen to me. She is back, but there something you need to know first.” Jack looked so serious that Charlie had to nod and take a long breath to make his heart beat steady again.
“She’s physically fine. A bit dirty and underfed, but other than that, she’s well. Still very pregnant, and the baby is alive. She’s by the fire with Kate right now, and there’s no sign of Ethan.”
Even the sound of Ethan’s name couldn’t stop the grin that was growing on Charlie’s lips. Claire was alive - and at the camp! “Can... can I go see her?”
“I’m not done yet, Charlie. Please hear me out.” Jack let out an anxious sigh, and Charlie’s impatience was getting the best of him. “I said physically she’s fine. But mentally, she’s not all there.”
Charlie froze. “What do you mean?”
“I mean she has no memory, Charlie. She doesn’t remember the crash, anything that happened before it or anything that happened on the island. She doesn’t remember Ethan, Boone, Locke, Kate, me... or you, Charlie.”
Charlie closed his eyes to the bitter truth and sighed. None of their conversations, none of thier moments? Did she remember the peanut butter...? Despair engulfed him and he hung his head.
“She doesn’t remember me?” he said, his voice more emotional than planned.
Jack shook his head and sighed. “I’m sorry, Charlie.”
After a moment, Charlie nodded and looked up, swallowing the hard truth. “Can I still see her?”
“That’s why I came to get you. But Charlie, you can’t--”
“I know, I don’t plan to.” said Charlie in a very dry emotionless voice. “I just want to see her.”
*
Jack shook his head as he watched Charlie trudging to the fire pit slowly. He knew the news would be heartbreaking for him. It was obvious to everyone that he cared for Claire. Now that she couldn’t remember any of the moments they had shared... it wold be a very hard thing to swallow. Jack simply shook his head again and let Charlie to the fire.
*
Claire looked up quickly as she heard bustling in the jungle, fear consumer her. Through the fire she could see the doctor walking through the jungle, and she eased. But someone was following him... Jack moved aside and revealed the stranger. Her heart constricted as he locked eyes with her. He might’ve been a stranger, but he was so familiar...
"Claire, I'd like you to meet someone." Jack said. "This is Charlie."
“Hello, Claire.” his smooth voice said, painfully begging her to evoke some memory... but her mind was blank.
“Do I know you?” It sounded like a cruel question even to her own ears. It was obvious to her that this group of stranded people knew her, worried over her and cared about her. But there was something about this man that made her desperately want to remember something, anything. She felt her heart grow warm at the sight of him, all fear and anxiety suddenly gone. Somehow, she did know him. Yet, she didn’t.
Charlie seemed to contemplate her question for a moment, then looked up at her. “You tell me. Do you?”
Claire looked away. He was painfully familiar, but she had no memories. “I want to,” she said in a frustrated voice, “But I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”
He gave a forced smile. “Don’t worry. It will all come back eventually.”
Claire was grateful when Jack intervened because she felt her tears sting in her eyes and she didn’t want to cry.
“All right everyone. It’s late and we’ve all had a long day.” Jack said, putting a comforting hand on Claire’s shoulder.
“Let me grab my blanket, Jack, and she can have the tent.” Charlie said quickly.
Jack nodded and helped the very pregnant girl stand. She watched Charlie emerge from the tent with a blanket and got comfortable by the fireside.
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I don’t mean to put anyone out of their bed.” Claire commented.
Once again, he smiled fakely. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. This is all new and uncomfortable for you. I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible.”
Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt. She nodded thankfully and Jack let her to the tent. Once she was safely and securely inside, Jack came to stand by Charlie.
“I’m proud of you, Charlie. You’re handling all this very well.” Jack said quietly.
“Only because it hasn’t all sunk in yet. It’ll be hell tomorrow.” he said in dry humor, though little was funny to him at the moment.
Jack smiled half-heartedly. “Just don’t give her too much space, Charlie. She needs to remember.”
Charlie nodded, staring aimlessly into the fire. “I won’t be sleeping much so you can get to bed. I’ll keep watch tonight.”
*
“Do I know you?”
“You used to.” Charlie wanted to say.
But he couldn’t be so heartless when she was in such a scared and vulnerable position. And yet, so was he. When he had first seen her through the flickering fire, he immediately felt his heart swell with relief - she was alive. Maybe a little ragged and sickly looking, but she was alive and well, and she still had the baby.
The baby... it had always caused an urge of protection in him. He felt his job to keep her safe, to be her security. That he be the one to keep her mind away from the desperation of this lonesome island, to keep her happy, to make her smile, laugh. And it wasn’t out of obligation - he wanted to do this, he needed it, to keep his own sanity, he had to keep her happy and safe. That in turn gave him the hope that he so desperately needed.
Now she didn’t know him. This girl, who had completely consumed his mind with her spit-fire attitude, Australian accent and angels smile, now she had no memory of their almost-moments. No recollection of their discussions, their time spent together, trusting and accepting one another. No memory of the peanut butter...
Damn. Such a depressing thought brought tears to his eyes. They had bonded, made a connection. Whatever they call it, Charlie and Claire had become friends. Now that connection was broken, they were back at the beginning when they were uncomfortable in each others presence because of the unspoken attraction. But this time, it was because of unremembered moments that the tension would return. Damnit.
*
It was the first light of morning, the suns rays shining through the tree when Charlie heard voices. He had turned on his side and eventually fallen asleep by watching the coals in the fire flicker into darkness. He opened his eyes to find Hurley sitting beside him, cooking something over a renewed fire. Hurley looked down, and lifted his finger over his lips as to tell him to be quiet. Then there were voices again - male voices. Obviously Charlie wasn’t the only one that was disturbed by Claire’s return with no sign of Ethan.
“Besides, you need to be here in case the girl has her baby.” said Locke’s hushed voice, and he was obviously speaking to Jack. “I’ll take Boone and Sayid with me for a few days, see it we can’t find any sign of Ethan. Maybe we’ll get sight of the French woman, or more pigs, or more polar bears. Anything would be better than eating these damn bananas all the time.”
“Amen,” Hurley muttered. But Charlie wasn’t smiling. He bolted to his feet, and turned to where the men were obviously preparing to leave.
“If you’re going after Ethan, then I’m coming, too.” Charlie said forcefully.
“Maybe that’s not the best idea, Charlie...” Jack said.
“Maybe you should stop telling me what to do!” Charlie almost yelled, not caring that most were still probably sleeping.
“He’s right, Charlie.” Locke said simply, sheathing a small dagger in his belt. “I think you might be too emotionally involved. Besides, Claire isn’t... ready to handle things alone yet. She needs you here.”
Charlie shook his head. “You can’t be serious. Do you realize you’re talking about Ethan here? What he did her me... and her! I of all people should be the one going out there! Stringing that bastard up by his crotch hairs and burning his bloody eyes out and... and I’m just proving your point, aren’t I?” Charlie sighed and Locke simply chuckled.
“Sorry, kid. You just need to sit this one out.”
Charlie let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “She doesn’t remember me, Locke.”
“Not yet.” he answered, making Charlie’s head snap up. “But she will. That’s why you should hang around.”
“He’s right, Charlie.” Jack said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You spent the most time with her out of all of us, and you know her best. I think you are the most qualified one here to help trigger a memory for her.”
Charlie looked at Sayid and Boone pleadingly, but they only nodded in agreement. Locke then motioned for them to move, and Charlie watched with a heavy heart as they disappeared into the jungle with Jack bidding them good luck. Charlie wrenched from Jack’s hand and made way back to the fire pit, where Hurley was still cooking with a smile.
“What do you think?” Charlie asked. Hurley only chuckled.
“Sorry dude, but I think that you need the mom, just as much as she needs you.”
One Week Later
Claire couldn’t help the unsettling feeling that gathered in her chest each time she saw Charlie. Anyone could tell that something was bothering him. It wasn't just the fact that Locke, Boone and Sayid had not returned yet, or that they were eating bananas at every meal. A little guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that it was her fault, whatever was wrong with Charlie.
The first couple days were awkward, to say the least. How he knew her, and she didn’t know him. These people all knew her and cared about her, Charlie especially. It was letting them care for her that was the hard part. It was letting the doctor check on her unborn child. It was letting Locke build her a tiny crib, letting Hurley make her laugh. It was letting Charlie bring her food and water, help her smile, give her hope. He made her feel safe.
She had a special bond with Charlie, she knew. She had no memories of it, but she could see it every time she looked into his mysterious dark eyes, she could feel it in her heart. She knew somehow that he cared about her. She in turn cared about him, and it killed her to see him in pain because of her, day after day. She once came upon Charlie in tears. He was sitting alone in the jungle, wiping at his cheeks, muttering her name. And that broke her heart. She hated causing so much trouble and heartache throughout the camp, especially for someone as caring and adorable as Charlie. She wanted to remember. More than anything she wanted just to remember everything. No matter how scary or painful. And she would remember.
With the last little bits of strength and courage she had left, Claire carefully stood. She slowly hobbled over to where Charlie was sitting on the beach. He was staring wistfully out into the vast blue ocean, the wind tousling his hair, and the sun shining on his adorable face. “Hey, Charlie.” she said with a smile.
He looked up in surprise, then a smile graced his lips. “Hi, Claire.”
“Do you mind if I sit?”
“Not at all.” he said, offering his hand to help.
“You feelin okay?” he asked and she held a hang tight to her lard tummy.
“I’m doing okay. Jack says I’m due any day now, so I’m a bit nervous.” she confessed.
*
“Ah, you’ll do fine. I’m sure Rose will be willing to help out. She seems like the caring, experiences grandmotherly type.” Charlie said encouragingly. “She helped me out quite a bit when my head wasn’t in the right place while you were gone and I was missing you...” Charlie then cleared his throat, trying to change the uncomfortable subject. “I can’t really picture anyone else helping with something so grand as giving birth, its doesn’t seem like Kate’s or Shannon’s thing. Maybe Sun will help, too.”
Then she smiled, and Charlie felt his heart melt. “Well, that makes me feel better.” she said.
Charlie then opened his mouth to speak, but immediately closed it and bit his tongue - hard. Closing his eyes, he turned away.
He suddenly remembered one of the last memories he had with the old Claire - the real Claire. He was trying to be helpful when she had started having contractions on the jungle trail. He remembered swearing never to leave her side, counting those ridiculous sugar plum fairies to help ease his then heavy mind, then accidentally slipping about his previous drug habit but still willing to at least try to help with the delivery of her baby. Surely that would educe some memory, remind her how truly loyal he was...
“Were you going to say something, Charlie?” Claire’s voice shook him suddenly from his thoughts.
“Nah, I just remembered something... a time when I offered to deliver your baby, do you remember?” he laughed. “We were arguing about where you should sleep and you started having contractions. I made a complete idiot out of myself because I was so nervous. But I couldn’t leave you. I swore I would never let anything happen to you...” As his voice trailed off, Charlie hung his head in shame and let out a deep sigh, defeat written plainly on his face.
Claire shook her head. “Charlie... I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your concern and care for me and my baby the past few days. But you can’t protect me from everything. You’re just one man.” She said, touching his shoulder. “Just that fact that you were willing, that you care enough about me means that world to me. I can’t thank you enough, really.”
He simply shrugged. “Well, I try.”
“And thank you for sharing that with me. I don’t remember, I’m sorry, but maybe if you keep telling me stories like that, I might remember something.”
Charlie nodded and gave a forced smile. “Any time.” Then he stood and walked away.
*
Claire shivered as she sat by the fire. Regardless of how hot it got on the beach during the day, it got down right chilly when the sun hid and evening came. Now, she sat alone, contemplating Charlie’s words earlier that day.
How she wished she could remember! It was frustrating being around people that knew her, like Charlie, who knew her well. Stories like the one Charlie had told her... she didn’t remember anything. Nothing. It was like there was a giant void in her life, and no one could help her with it - it was her responsibility to remember everything. But she had no memory. She didn’t remember anything about the child growing inside her and that unnerved her greatly. No memory of its father, her life before the plane crash or anything about being on the island. It was rather upsetting. And it scared her.
But then there was Charlie. He was ever by her side, for which she was grateful. She didn’t like being alone. And with his charming smile, his encouraging words and his comforting presence - just being around him dissolved all her fears. He was always bringing her food and water, inquiring about her comfort and always brightening her day with a smile. She appreciated Charlie... a lot.
Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with warmth. She looked over to see a smiling Charlie laying a blanket over her shoulders. She smiled gratefully at him and turned back to the fire as he sat next to her.
“Thanks, Charlie.” she said. Then an odd sensation enveloped her whole body. “Whoa...” she muttered.
“You okay?” said a concerned Charlie.
“Yeah... I just got this weird sense of deja vu all of a sudden.” she almost whispered. She could see it perfectly in her mind... Charlie draping a blanket over her back by the fire.
Charlie smiled. “Well, I guess that’s good, because I have brought you a blanket once when you weren’t feeling too well.” he explained somewhat hesitantly. “How are you feeling now?”
“Well, much better now that you’re here.” she said truthfully. “I don’t like being alone. I always feel the need to look over my shoulder, like I’m running from something...”
Charlie looked at her quizzically for a few moments as her voice trailed off. “But other than that I’m just irritated. That I still can’t remember anything. You’d think I’d have remembered something by now--”
“Wait, hold up. You mean you don’t remember Ethan? You don’t remember anything?” he asked incredulously.
Claire narrowed her eyebrows and raised her voice. “Okay, where have you been the past few days, Charlie? Yes, that’s a great assumption, Captain Obvious. I can’t remember a damn thing, so why don’t you just rub it in my face and make me feel loads better? That always helps!” The emotion was growing in her voice and she turned away.
“No, Claire, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant... Ethan was so recent, I thought you’d at least remember that.”
Tears shining in her nervous eyes, she choked on a sob. “No, I can’t remember anything. The last thing I remember was waking up in a strange room and being very frightened. But the door was open, so I ran... I ran right into...”
“Locke and Boone.” Charlie finished, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders. “Don't worry, Claire. We’ll get everything taken care of. You’ll get your memory back... somehow.”
“I know,” she said, sniffling and gaining control of herself once more. “I just wish I could do something to make it come back faster... everything would be so less complicated.”
I don’t know about that, Charlie thought with a smirk, thinking of the thick tension that he often shared with her, constantly dancing around their friendship. Though, he was fully enjoying holding Claire close to him at the moment, and he didn’t feel like changing that at the moment. He savored the warmth she gave, the comfortable stillness and the newly growing bond they shared. But the silence was suddenly broken when she began to stand.
“Well, if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that I still have to pee all the time!” she giggled, making her way to the jungle. “And peanut butter... I’ve been craving that for days.”
Charlie froze. Peanut Butter. The diary. Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of it before? What an idiot! He felt like throttling himself a few times over before he stood.
“Hey Claire, don’t go too far. I’ll be right back. I’m going to get something from my bag, kay?” he said somewhat nervously.
“Go for it!” she waved him off and he bolted.
A few minutes later, Charlie returned to the fire to find Claire very much relieved and smiling up at him.
“What do you have there, Charlie?” she asked, watching him carefully as he took a deep breath.
“We’re going to talk, Claire. I’m going to tell you everything I know, everything I can remember. You may never want to talk to me again, but I think that this will help you bring your memory back.”
“Okay,” she said, equaling his seriousness.
Charlie eyed Jack and Kate who had joined the fires circle in his absence, but they obviously couldn’t take a hint. “You up for a midnight stroll?” he asked, offering her a hand up.
“Sure, why not?” Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt. She took his hand and he led her to the forest. Kate almost went after them, but Jack stayed her.
“Someone should follow them, to make sure they’re okay.” Kate insisted.
“Kate, Claire’s not safer with anyone else but Charlie, and I believe that. And if there’s anyone on this damned island that can bring back her memory, it’s him.”
Kate nodded in agreement and returned to her seat, watching Charlie and Claire walk into the dark woods, hand in hand. Kate noted, however, that in Charlie’s back pocket was a familiar little book. The one he had fought Sawyer for. And in his other hand was a little empty jar.
*
“I care about you, Claire. I worry about you and the baby all the time...”
“You and I were good friends before. And... I believe that we were well on our way to becoming more than just friends...”
“This is no ordinary jar. This holds the best bloody peanut butter I've ever tasted...”
“This is the diary that you wrote in religiously. Yes, I read it, and it helped me cope so much while you were gone. I think if you read it, it will help...”
Perhaps he’d been too forward. But he had wanted her to remember so badly he didn’t really care at the moment.
He had told her everything then. About the plane crash and the complex simplicity of their relationship. He told her everything she had told him about her past: Thomas, the psychic, her nightmares, and about Ethan. Then he told her the honest truth about his past, about Driveshaft and the drugs. He told her about the peanut butter they’d shared, the friendship he’d offered and the security he often gave when she needed it. He told her how heartbroken and depressed he had been after Jake and Kate had found him without her, how he missed her and worried about her constantly.
He told her how he read her diary in desperation and found peace in doing it. He told her about the overwhelming elation he felt when seeing her for the first time in a week, but then how it instantly dissolved when he realized she didn’t remember anything. It was almost painful to see her again, to have her presence back, but it also warmed his heart beyond compare...
“I can’t hardly take it anymore, Claire.” he had told her. “I... I think I’m in love with you. I love your sweet smile and the hope that it brings me. Simply being with you is heaven for me. I treasure the time we’ve shared together in the past, and I will do anything to help you get your memory back. I think these will help. Please trust me on this, Claire.” Then, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead, he silently led her back to the fire pit. Then he walked off, leaving her confused, contemplative and alone.
It was desperation that drove him into his lengthy and detailed confession. He needed relief from all the crazy emotions that had been battling inside him. But he also couldn’t stand being around Claire without her memory. She just wasn’t the same person, the same Claire. It broke his heart every day that she couldn’t remember that peanut butter... he’d tried everything else - what more could he do?
Nothing. He would simply have to wait.
It was now breaking daylight across the beach. Charlie had sat up all night, just watching the waves crashing up on the shore - hoping, feverishly praying for Claire’s memory to return.
Then he heard bustling behind him. He closed his eyes and caught his breath.
He turned and saw Claire, his pregnant angel Claire, standing at the edge of the jungle with an empty peanut butter jar and diary in hand. He locked eyes with her, trying to read in their baby blue depths, searching for something, anything...
Then she smiled, and he felt his heart melt.
“Charlie.”
FIN