(no subject)
I've found that Jamie is always surrounded by all of these girls. But why would he say that he liked me if he wanted nothing more to do with me. Although he told me he thought I didn't care and that I didn't like him. That's exactly how I feel. If only I could talk to him. If only I were able to just go upstairs. Maybe everything would be better. I'm really considering moving back to Norman tho, so does it really matter. If I left today I know that he wouldn't even miss me at all. My life is a hole. A hole that I'm stuck in and cannot get out of. I hate it. I hate it so much. The only good thing right now is that I just burned The Postal Service CD. Matt and I were talking about it today and I really wanted to listen to the whole thing, so I burned it. Matt may be coming up on Tuesday. That would make me really happy. Someone from Norman that I can relate to. Shit as much as we joke about me moving down there & moving in w. him it might just happen. I've been thinking about it a lot. I know that I don't even really know Matt, but I could really just see myself doing it. I mean I've been in Tulsa for about a year now & all I've thought about is moving back. There's nothing for me here. Shit there might not be anything for me in Norman either, but at least I have real friends there. People I can go to in my time of need. People that aren't just trying to gain something from you. People that understand me better than any other people I have ever met in my entire life! It's all starting to make sense. I need to be rash. I just need to go. I wouldn't care if it were today or next week, but I feel the need to go. Something beyond me, something so strong is willing me to go. My heart says its time. I'm not sure what my head says. I think it's overloaded. This town is driving me crazy. If I left today would anyone even remember that I was here at all? Would anyone miss me? There may be a few, but do I really care? I don't know right now. I don't know about anything.