Fic: Consequences (7/9)
Author: thefallingapple
Characters: Castle/Beckett, Alexis, Ryan, Lanie/Esposito, Martha
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Spoilers for 4.23 Always
Length: ~3700 words
Summary: They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.
Author's Note: Thank you to callsign_buzz for poking and prodding in all the right places to help me make this as clear as possible.
~*~*~*~*~
Esposito is the last to arrive to the loft and from the moment the doorbell rings to signal his presence a rubber band of tension stretches around the group, threatening to snap at the slightest disturbance. He is wary as he enters, giving only brief greetings to Beckett and Castle and a muffled grunt toward Ryan. Since Alexis and Martha are still in the Hamptons the group settles in the living room, Beckett and Castle on the couch and Esposito in the armchair opposite Ryan.
So much has happened during this endless day that the phone call that interrupted his morning coffee break is already a dim memory. Castle and Beckett had called them from her apartment after the locksmith had finished and though it’s absurdly late to begin something new, everyone agreed that they needed to compare notes, whether they could stand to be in the same room together or not.
“So, who is this guy and why does he matter?” Ryan asks once they’re all seated, tapping the photo from the paper that lies open on the coffee table.
He watches Castle glance at Beckett and wait for her nod. Castle presses his fingertips together and looks briefly at Ryan and Esposito in turn before speaking. “Before he died last year, Montgomery mailed some files to a friend. They were supposed to be the leverage that would keep Beckett safe, but he didn’t receive them until after she was shot. A few days after that, I got a phone call from a man who identified himself as Montgomery’s friend. He said that Beckett would be safe as long as she didn’t pursue her mother’s case.”
Castle’s watching the fury that explodes over Esposito’s face and in his tightly clenched fingers, but the rage building in Ryan overflows first and he grinds out, “And you didn’t tell us? You didn’t trust us?”
“It’s not about trust,” Castle responds evenly. “It’s a burden only one of us needed to have.”
Ryan is still glaring at Castle when Esposito looks up and meets Beckett’s eyes. “He kept this from you?” When she nods, he asks, “How are you okay with that?”
She answers sharply, “Because we already had that fight and I understand why he thought he needed to do it.”
“He sat on a lead for a year and you’re just okay with that? What happened to you? What happened to Beckett?” He spits out, outraged.
She pins him with a glare and snaps, “She almost plummeted ten stories to her death. Now shut up and let him finish.”
Esposito looks chastened for a moment and Castle continues, “It looks like Maddox was trying to find this guy, who we now know is James Smith, and that’s why they had Orlando Costas steal the files from Montgomery’s house.” He lets out a resigned breath. “Since Smith is dead, we can only assume that whatever files he had are in the hands of our enemy.”
Ryan adds quietly, “And they don’t have a reason anymore not to kill Beckett.”
“Exactly.”
They sit in silence with that for a moment, until Esposito breaks it. “So, what do we know?” he asks, his face a stoic mask covering everything but his eyes that still glitter with anger.
Ryan welcomes the shift in focus and pulls out his small notebook. “I got some information today,” he says. “I asked Evelyn about the missing photo. She can’t be sure, but she thinks it was Smith. I also tried to track down the mob case he was a witness for. The only thing I could find involving the mob was a few years after Bob Armen’s murder. There was a secret witness in protective custody and Montgomery was his main contact on the force.”
“What kind of mob case?” Beckett asks, forehead wrinkled in concentration.
“Well, this is where it gets weird. At first, it was your standard extortion and laundering case, but the defendant kept talking about some ‘other’ player, pulling strings, making threats, kidnapping. That was part of what the secret witness was supposed to testify about, but the notes with the specifics of his statement are missing from the file.
“Supposed to?” Castle asks. “He didn’t?”
“Right before the trial the defendant died.”
“Murdered?”
“Heart attack, which was suspicious because he was only thirty-two. It reeked of murder, but no one could prove anything and with the defendant dead the case was closed and Smith never testified. Soon after that, he moved to DC.”
“So, the ‘other player’ might have been the guy at the head of all of this, the one who had Beckett’s mom shot,” Castle throws in.
“And the case would have revealed details about the kidnapping and ransom plot so they had the defendant killed to protect their identities,” Beckett finishes.
“But they never did know who the secret witness was…”
“And since he moved, Roy was the only one who stayed in contact with him…”
“So he was a natural person to send the files that would protect you…” Despite the grim topic, the back-and-forth feels like old times and Ryan smiles and even thinks he sees a tiny smirk from Esposito, though it vanishes before he can be sure.
“And why they were so desperate to find him…”
“He was the last loose end…”
“Besides me…” Beckett’s quiet words trail off into strained silence as the gravity of what is upon them weighs heavily on their plans.
Castle finally breaks the stillness. “Anything else, Ryan?”
“I sent Maddox’s picture to D.C. and they’ve been canvassing. They’ve got at least one person who identified him.”
“For now we’ve got to assume he’s back here.” Castle rests his hand on Beckett’s knee. “That he’s the one who broke into Beckett’s apartment.”
“Yeah,” Ryan adds. “We never tied anyone to Maddox so we don’t know if he’s working with anyone else.”
Beckett nods. “The guy heading this up only seems to rely on one guy at a time: Coonan, Lockwood, Maddox.”
“Well, if we know he’s back and gunning for Beckett, we just need to find him before he finds her.” Ryan looks at the pair of them. “You two thought about taking off somewhere until we can track him down?”
Castle looks like he doesn’t think it’s the worst idea in the world, but Beckett shakes her head. “This doesn’t end until he finds me and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding, wondering. Let’s just make sure we’re ready when he does come.”
Ryan breaks the silence. “Then we’ll need all the information we can get.”
“And a way to communicate.” Castle turns around and picks up a pile from the end table. “As a start, I got us burner phones.”
“Are you sure that’s necessary?” Ryan asks.
“Maybe not, but better safe than sorry.” Castle checks the names as he passes them out. “All of our numbers are already programmed.”
Beckett looks over and gives him a small smile. “Thanks, Castle. That was a good idea.”
“I’ve got my guys on the lookout for him, too,” Esposito says, his words quiet but gruff, and Ryan realizes it’s the first time he’s spoken up since his angry outburst earlier.
“My guys?” Beckett asks, turning to him.
Behind her, Castle shakes his head at Esposito, but Esposito just glares at him, throwing him under the bus as he answers, “Castle asked me if I knew some guys who could watch you, watch your place. They’re not all in place yet, but by tomorrow...” The younger man’s voice trails off as Becket rounds on Castle, sliding away on the sofa as if she’s been bitten.
“You did this? Without even asking me? You went behind my back?”
He’d expect Beckett to be pissed about this, so the bite of anger in her voice isn’t surprising, but the deep betrayal in her eyes speaks to something else between Beckett and Castle. He suddenly feels like an intruder when Castle lowers his voice and says, “I was going to tell you, but I haven’t had a chance.”
“How did you even…?” Her voice trails off as she remembers. “When you left. To go ‘check on your loft.’ You lied to me.” She stands, backing away from the group of them. “I can’t even sit here.”
She heads across the room to gather her keys and bag. Castle springs to his feet. “Beckett, wait…Kate, don’t go. I will sleep on the couch, on the floor. Just don’t go out there by yourself.”
She turns venomous eyes on him. “Well, apparently, thanks to you, I won’t be all alone. And I am certainly not staying here with you.”
Spinning away from him, she heads for the door, only to be blocked by Esposito. “Esposito.” When he doesn’t move she crosses her arms and growls, “Javi.”
His voice is low, but it carries across the loft. “Be mad at him. Be mad at me. That’s fine, but you are not going to go out there to be a sitting duck. If you leave, I’m coming with you.”
Beckett lifts her head, meeting Esposito’s eyes, and Ryan feels that same pang he did when the two of them went off after Maddox. No words are exchanged but when she ducks her head and walks through the door, Esposito lets her, tipping his head to Castle before following Beckett to the elevator.
~*~*~*~*~
They don’t speak on the way to her apartment. At all. Esposito climbs into the passenger seat of her car but she barely acknowledges his presence, pulling away from the curb while he’s still closing his door. She expects him to follow her to the door but stops in the doorway to prevent him coming inside.
“There’s not a chance in hell I’m leaving you here alone, Beckett.”
She throws the door open in response and walks inside, leaving him to step inside and carefully close it. Stalking into the kitchen, she grabs a glass and fills it with water, trying as best she can to ignore his presence.
“You know, he’s just scared shitless something is going to happen to you.”
She rounds on him, furious. “Is this part of the deal you made with him too? That you’d take me home and talk me down? Since when are you in league with him? Was that righteous indignation about Smith all a part of the act too?”
“Look, it was his idea. He came to me. I’ve got no special love for Castle right now, but I don’t want you dead either. If that pisses you off, then you can beat the crap out of me after we catch this guy.”
She turns around on the pretense of picking up her glass of water and just stares into it. She can feel some of the tension of the fight draining out of her muscles and leaving only stiffness behind.
“And if you’d stuck around long enough to hear him out, I’m sure he would have said the same thing.”
Everything clenches up again. “Oh, really?” Something inside her snaps and she whirls around again. “I just need to sit down and talk it out with him. Is that it? How’s that working for you and Lanie?”
She watches as he literally deflates, rock hard stubbornness dissolving into a dejected frown. He walks over and slumps into the nearest chair, forehead resting on his steepled fists.
The drastic shift drains all of the anger from her body. When it becomes clear that he’s not going to say anything, she fills a glass of water for him and rests it on the table next to him.
“Javi?”
She’s almost ready to give up and leave him to puzzle out his dilemma on his own when he mumbles, “I don’t know how to be what she wants. I thought we were doing okay, but then I tried to take her out and it just…we just fought…again.”
He still hasn’t looked up and his body is rigid with barely controlled frustration. She sits in the chair next to him and says gently, “She just wants you to talk to her.”
“We do talk,” he protests, finally glancing sideways to meet her eye.
Beckett lifts her eyebrow skeptically. “She wants you to let her in.”
“I’m not good at that.”
She shrugs. “Neither am I, but when you’re with the right person, they don’t care what you say as long as you’re trying to say something.”
His tension explodes into one long huff of breath. “She’s got to know how I feel.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but even if they do they like to hear it.”
Something in this prompts him to sit up, look her in the eye. “You speaking from experience? When did you become an expert?”
She gives him a rueful smile. “Almost falling off a building makes you put things in perspective.”
He nods, then says slowly, “Things like understanding why people would want to take steps to protect your safety?” There’s the tiniest hint of amusement in his smile and the cockiness refuels her anger.
Glowering at him, she spits out, “Oh, God no. I’m still pissed as hell. At both of you.”
~*~*~*~*~
Esposito has only just left when Beckett’s phone buzzes with a text message.
Castle: I’m coming up. Don’t shoot me.
Reading it, she realizes that Esposito only agreed to leave because he’d known Castle was on his way up.
Beckett: Why not?
Castle: Because you love me.
Beckett: Don’t use that against me. I’m not in the mood for cute right now.
Castle: I’m not trying to be cute. I’m trying to talk to you.
Beckett: Fine. I won’t shoot. At least at first.
Castle: Good to know.
When she opens the door to him, she watches his eyes flash to her hands and he lets out a noticeable breath when he sees her gun resting on the end table.
She lifts her brow at his expression. “Don’t tempt me. Remember that I’m pissed at you.”
“I am well aware of that. I got the death glares.” His lips turn up in a glimmer of smirk and it only makes her angrier.
“How could you do that? How could you go behind my back? Again? I trusted you.”
“They want to kill you, Kate.” His voice is so earnest she’s having flashbacks to another fight right here. She thought they’d come so far since then.
“I know that. I am very well aware of that.”
“So were you the last time and you still ran right at it.” He gestures angrily and continues. “Kate, I tried to protect you and you didn’t choose me and you ended up hanging by your fingers off a building. How did I know-”
She moves right up into his face, glaring. “Because I told you I chose you, that I just wanted you.” She stops, stepping back and staring at him. “You still think I’m not in this, that I’m going to leave.”
“No, not like that. It’s just that when you have everything you’ve ever wanted there’s a part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. And Kate,” he pauses and she knows the next thing that comes is going to hurt. “You’ve never been able to walk away from your mother’s case. Not really.”
It’s a vicious punch in the gut and she falls into the chair behind her. “You don’t think I can,” she says, her voice dull and lifeless. “And if you think that…”
She can feel him drop into the chair next to her. “I’m just not sure you really want to.”
“You think I want this?” She stands, swinging her arms wildly around her cluttered apartment, towards the missing murder board. “You think that I’m doing all of this because I want to?” Her voice goes hard. “I told you when I came to you that he got away and I didn’t care, that all I wanted was you. Did you think I was lying?”
She sees him flinch at the sudden fire in her words. His response is quiet, though. “I didn’t think that you were lying.”
“So then I changed my mind? Is that what you think?”
“No, I just…”
All the fire goes out of her then, and she steps away from him. “If that’s what you think…if that’s what everyone thinks, then how can I even consider going back to the force?” She reaches her arm behind her to gesture toward him. “If even you don’t believe me, how can I stand up in front of the disciplinary board, in front of Gates and tell them it won’t happen again? How can I ever be a detective again?” She crumples against her counter and behind her he’s silent for a long time.
When he comes up behind her, she can feel his fingertips gentle on her shoulder. “You want to go back?” he asks softly.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Is that crazy?”
“No. Of course not.” He makes it sound matter of fact. Totally reasonable. “I’d be more concerned if you didn’t want to.”
“Do you think I can?” Her voice is small.
“Kate, you are the strongest person I know. You can do whatever you set your mind to.” He pauses, sliding his fingers down her arms and taking her hands in his. “As long as you decide you want to.”
She replies softly, “Maybe this time you’re wrong.”
He turns he until she looks up at him. “I’m hardly ever wrong,” he says, smirking.
She scoffs. “Except for almost every theory you come up with.”
“Does this mean we’re done fighting?”
She sighs. “I’m not done being angry, but I guess this will have to be your freebie.”
“Huh?” The bridge of his nose crinkles in adorable confusion.
“Your mom told me you’d do something stupid. Asked me to remember it was because you cared too much.”
His eyes go wide. “My mother told you that?”
She nods, chuckling. “She said it was her one piece of meddling.”
“Yeah, right,” he says sarcastically. “I’m sure she’ll prove that wrong.”
“But next time…”
“You’ll shoot me?”
“Just maybe.”
~*~*~*~*~
There’s a delay before the phone is answered, then some fumbling. “Javier, what the hell are you doing calling me at…” She pauses. “Two-thirty in the morning. If you’re hoping for some booty, you are shit-out-of-luck.”
“That is not why I called.”
“Why did you call?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“To me?”
“Yeah.”
“Now?”
“I just got home. I didn’t know it was so late.” He lowers his voice. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“No, you’re not.” She sighs and he can hear her shuffling around, sitting up. “Where were you, anyway?”
“We met at Castle’s and then I went home with Beckett.”
“Why did you go home with Beckett? What happened to Castle?”
“They had a fight.”
She groans. “What did he do now?”
“He, uh…” He hesitates for a moment, then finally admits, “Asked me to arrange for some guys to protect her, have her back.”
“And didn’t tell her?”
“Yeah. She wasn’t happy.”
“But she let you follow her home?”
“I didn’t really give her a choice,” he says gruffly.
“Of course you didn’t,” she says half-teasingly then she’s quiet for a long moment. “Javi, what are we doing here? Is this to make up for the buddy time you’re missing because of your spat with Ryan?”
He doesn’t know which part of her accusation to react to first, and because he still doesn’t know what he wants to tell her, he chooses what seems easier at the time. “Lanie,” he growls, “It’s not a spat.”
“Well, what is it then? Because I don’t get it. Yes, he went to Gates, but from what you and Beckett said, it sounded like he didn’t have a choice.”
“He could have backed us up without bringing in Gates,” he insists stubbornly.
“And then gotten you all in deeper trouble for trying to hide it.” He can hear her curls bouncing around her face as she shakes her head. “Has anyone ever told you that you are a mule?”
He ignores the jab and goes on, “But that’s not all, anyway. He just wasn’t there for the team, for Beckett.”
“What are you talking about, Javier Esposito?”
“For months he’s been acting like a Castle groupie, trying to spin the stories, come up with ridiculous theories.”
“And this is a problem, why exactly? It sounds like he was just having fun.”
“Because Castle was freezing Beckett out. Acting like an ass. Flaunting that bimbo. And there’s Ryan, finding himself a new partner.”
“Sounds pretty petty to me.”
“Lanie, we’re supposed to look out for our own. He’s not even a cop.”
“You mean, like you’ve been looking out for your partner instead of racing after Beckett’s crazy stunts?”
“I was looking out for our squad leader.”
“Well, so was he. You just did it differently.”
The thought hangs in the space between them and Esposito wants to kick something. “I didn’t call to fight with you about Ryan.”
“Yeah, well why did you call, then?”
He takes a breath, stalling. “Something’s going to go down in the next day or two. There doesn’t seem to be any question that Beckett’s the last loose end for this guy. I just…didn’t want anything to happen without talking to you without telling you…”
She gives him time before prompting gently, “Telling me what?”
“That I care about you. I want to find a way to fix this.”
“That’s a start, but you better not be telling me this because you’ve got some stupid plan to be a hero. Ryan’s got the precinct involved, right? Let them take him down.”
“I’m not going to screw it up a second time,” he insists doggedly. “We need to put this guy away.”
When she speaks again, it’s so soft he can barely hear her. “Just don’t get hurt Javi. You better not go and get yourself hurt when we just started to figure this thing out.”
to be continued…
Previous
Next
Characters: Castle/Beckett, Alexis, Ryan, Lanie/Esposito, Martha
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Spoilers for 4.23 Always
Length: ~3700 words
Summary: They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.
Author's Note: Thank you to callsign_buzz for poking and prodding in all the right places to help me make this as clear as possible.
~*~*~*~*~
Esposito is the last to arrive to the loft and from the moment the doorbell rings to signal his presence a rubber band of tension stretches around the group, threatening to snap at the slightest disturbance. He is wary as he enters, giving only brief greetings to Beckett and Castle and a muffled grunt toward Ryan. Since Alexis and Martha are still in the Hamptons the group settles in the living room, Beckett and Castle on the couch and Esposito in the armchair opposite Ryan.
So much has happened during this endless day that the phone call that interrupted his morning coffee break is already a dim memory. Castle and Beckett had called them from her apartment after the locksmith had finished and though it’s absurdly late to begin something new, everyone agreed that they needed to compare notes, whether they could stand to be in the same room together or not.
“So, who is this guy and why does he matter?” Ryan asks once they’re all seated, tapping the photo from the paper that lies open on the coffee table.
He watches Castle glance at Beckett and wait for her nod. Castle presses his fingertips together and looks briefly at Ryan and Esposito in turn before speaking. “Before he died last year, Montgomery mailed some files to a friend. They were supposed to be the leverage that would keep Beckett safe, but he didn’t receive them until after she was shot. A few days after that, I got a phone call from a man who identified himself as Montgomery’s friend. He said that Beckett would be safe as long as she didn’t pursue her mother’s case.”
Castle’s watching the fury that explodes over Esposito’s face and in his tightly clenched fingers, but the rage building in Ryan overflows first and he grinds out, “And you didn’t tell us? You didn’t trust us?”
“It’s not about trust,” Castle responds evenly. “It’s a burden only one of us needed to have.”
Ryan is still glaring at Castle when Esposito looks up and meets Beckett’s eyes. “He kept this from you?” When she nods, he asks, “How are you okay with that?”
She answers sharply, “Because we already had that fight and I understand why he thought he needed to do it.”
“He sat on a lead for a year and you’re just okay with that? What happened to you? What happened to Beckett?” He spits out, outraged.
She pins him with a glare and snaps, “She almost plummeted ten stories to her death. Now shut up and let him finish.”
Esposito looks chastened for a moment and Castle continues, “It looks like Maddox was trying to find this guy, who we now know is James Smith, and that’s why they had Orlando Costas steal the files from Montgomery’s house.” He lets out a resigned breath. “Since Smith is dead, we can only assume that whatever files he had are in the hands of our enemy.”
Ryan adds quietly, “And they don’t have a reason anymore not to kill Beckett.”
“Exactly.”
They sit in silence with that for a moment, until Esposito breaks it. “So, what do we know?” he asks, his face a stoic mask covering everything but his eyes that still glitter with anger.
Ryan welcomes the shift in focus and pulls out his small notebook. “I got some information today,” he says. “I asked Evelyn about the missing photo. She can’t be sure, but she thinks it was Smith. I also tried to track down the mob case he was a witness for. The only thing I could find involving the mob was a few years after Bob Armen’s murder. There was a secret witness in protective custody and Montgomery was his main contact on the force.”
“What kind of mob case?” Beckett asks, forehead wrinkled in concentration.
“Well, this is where it gets weird. At first, it was your standard extortion and laundering case, but the defendant kept talking about some ‘other’ player, pulling strings, making threats, kidnapping. That was part of what the secret witness was supposed to testify about, but the notes with the specifics of his statement are missing from the file.
“Supposed to?” Castle asks. “He didn’t?”
“Right before the trial the defendant died.”
“Murdered?”
“Heart attack, which was suspicious because he was only thirty-two. It reeked of murder, but no one could prove anything and with the defendant dead the case was closed and Smith never testified. Soon after that, he moved to DC.”
“So, the ‘other player’ might have been the guy at the head of all of this, the one who had Beckett’s mom shot,” Castle throws in.
“And the case would have revealed details about the kidnapping and ransom plot so they had the defendant killed to protect their identities,” Beckett finishes.
“But they never did know who the secret witness was…”
“And since he moved, Roy was the only one who stayed in contact with him…”
“So he was a natural person to send the files that would protect you…” Despite the grim topic, the back-and-forth feels like old times and Ryan smiles and even thinks he sees a tiny smirk from Esposito, though it vanishes before he can be sure.
“And why they were so desperate to find him…”
“He was the last loose end…”
“Besides me…” Beckett’s quiet words trail off into strained silence as the gravity of what is upon them weighs heavily on their plans.
Castle finally breaks the stillness. “Anything else, Ryan?”
“I sent Maddox’s picture to D.C. and they’ve been canvassing. They’ve got at least one person who identified him.”
“For now we’ve got to assume he’s back here.” Castle rests his hand on Beckett’s knee. “That he’s the one who broke into Beckett’s apartment.”
“Yeah,” Ryan adds. “We never tied anyone to Maddox so we don’t know if he’s working with anyone else.”
Beckett nods. “The guy heading this up only seems to rely on one guy at a time: Coonan, Lockwood, Maddox.”
“Well, if we know he’s back and gunning for Beckett, we just need to find him before he finds her.” Ryan looks at the pair of them. “You two thought about taking off somewhere until we can track him down?”
Castle looks like he doesn’t think it’s the worst idea in the world, but Beckett shakes her head. “This doesn’t end until he finds me and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding, wondering. Let’s just make sure we’re ready when he does come.”
Ryan breaks the silence. “Then we’ll need all the information we can get.”
“And a way to communicate.” Castle turns around and picks up a pile from the end table. “As a start, I got us burner phones.”
“Are you sure that’s necessary?” Ryan asks.
“Maybe not, but better safe than sorry.” Castle checks the names as he passes them out. “All of our numbers are already programmed.”
Beckett looks over and gives him a small smile. “Thanks, Castle. That was a good idea.”
“I’ve got my guys on the lookout for him, too,” Esposito says, his words quiet but gruff, and Ryan realizes it’s the first time he’s spoken up since his angry outburst earlier.
“My guys?” Beckett asks, turning to him.
Behind her, Castle shakes his head at Esposito, but Esposito just glares at him, throwing him under the bus as he answers, “Castle asked me if I knew some guys who could watch you, watch your place. They’re not all in place yet, but by tomorrow...” The younger man’s voice trails off as Becket rounds on Castle, sliding away on the sofa as if she’s been bitten.
“You did this? Without even asking me? You went behind my back?”
He’d expect Beckett to be pissed about this, so the bite of anger in her voice isn’t surprising, but the deep betrayal in her eyes speaks to something else between Beckett and Castle. He suddenly feels like an intruder when Castle lowers his voice and says, “I was going to tell you, but I haven’t had a chance.”
“How did you even…?” Her voice trails off as she remembers. “When you left. To go ‘check on your loft.’ You lied to me.” She stands, backing away from the group of them. “I can’t even sit here.”
She heads across the room to gather her keys and bag. Castle springs to his feet. “Beckett, wait…Kate, don’t go. I will sleep on the couch, on the floor. Just don’t go out there by yourself.”
She turns venomous eyes on him. “Well, apparently, thanks to you, I won’t be all alone. And I am certainly not staying here with you.”
Spinning away from him, she heads for the door, only to be blocked by Esposito. “Esposito.” When he doesn’t move she crosses her arms and growls, “Javi.”
His voice is low, but it carries across the loft. “Be mad at him. Be mad at me. That’s fine, but you are not going to go out there to be a sitting duck. If you leave, I’m coming with you.”
Beckett lifts her head, meeting Esposito’s eyes, and Ryan feels that same pang he did when the two of them went off after Maddox. No words are exchanged but when she ducks her head and walks through the door, Esposito lets her, tipping his head to Castle before following Beckett to the elevator.
~*~*~*~*~
They don’t speak on the way to her apartment. At all. Esposito climbs into the passenger seat of her car but she barely acknowledges his presence, pulling away from the curb while he’s still closing his door. She expects him to follow her to the door but stops in the doorway to prevent him coming inside.
“There’s not a chance in hell I’m leaving you here alone, Beckett.”
She throws the door open in response and walks inside, leaving him to step inside and carefully close it. Stalking into the kitchen, she grabs a glass and fills it with water, trying as best she can to ignore his presence.
“You know, he’s just scared shitless something is going to happen to you.”
She rounds on him, furious. “Is this part of the deal you made with him too? That you’d take me home and talk me down? Since when are you in league with him? Was that righteous indignation about Smith all a part of the act too?”
“Look, it was his idea. He came to me. I’ve got no special love for Castle right now, but I don’t want you dead either. If that pisses you off, then you can beat the crap out of me after we catch this guy.”
She turns around on the pretense of picking up her glass of water and just stares into it. She can feel some of the tension of the fight draining out of her muscles and leaving only stiffness behind.
“And if you’d stuck around long enough to hear him out, I’m sure he would have said the same thing.”
Everything clenches up again. “Oh, really?” Something inside her snaps and she whirls around again. “I just need to sit down and talk it out with him. Is that it? How’s that working for you and Lanie?”
She watches as he literally deflates, rock hard stubbornness dissolving into a dejected frown. He walks over and slumps into the nearest chair, forehead resting on his steepled fists.
The drastic shift drains all of the anger from her body. When it becomes clear that he’s not going to say anything, she fills a glass of water for him and rests it on the table next to him.
“Javi?”
She’s almost ready to give up and leave him to puzzle out his dilemma on his own when he mumbles, “I don’t know how to be what she wants. I thought we were doing okay, but then I tried to take her out and it just…we just fought…again.”
He still hasn’t looked up and his body is rigid with barely controlled frustration. She sits in the chair next to him and says gently, “She just wants you to talk to her.”
“We do talk,” he protests, finally glancing sideways to meet her eye.
Beckett lifts her eyebrow skeptically. “She wants you to let her in.”
“I’m not good at that.”
She shrugs. “Neither am I, but when you’re with the right person, they don’t care what you say as long as you’re trying to say something.”
His tension explodes into one long huff of breath. “She’s got to know how I feel.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but even if they do they like to hear it.”
Something in this prompts him to sit up, look her in the eye. “You speaking from experience? When did you become an expert?”
She gives him a rueful smile. “Almost falling off a building makes you put things in perspective.”
He nods, then says slowly, “Things like understanding why people would want to take steps to protect your safety?” There’s the tiniest hint of amusement in his smile and the cockiness refuels her anger.
Glowering at him, she spits out, “Oh, God no. I’m still pissed as hell. At both of you.”
~*~*~*~*~
Esposito has only just left when Beckett’s phone buzzes with a text message.
Castle: I’m coming up. Don’t shoot me.
Reading it, she realizes that Esposito only agreed to leave because he’d known Castle was on his way up.
Beckett: Why not?
Castle: Because you love me.
Beckett: Don’t use that against me. I’m not in the mood for cute right now.
Castle: I’m not trying to be cute. I’m trying to talk to you.
Beckett: Fine. I won’t shoot. At least at first.
Castle: Good to know.
When she opens the door to him, she watches his eyes flash to her hands and he lets out a noticeable breath when he sees her gun resting on the end table.
She lifts her brow at his expression. “Don’t tempt me. Remember that I’m pissed at you.”
“I am well aware of that. I got the death glares.” His lips turn up in a glimmer of smirk and it only makes her angrier.
“How could you do that? How could you go behind my back? Again? I trusted you.”
“They want to kill you, Kate.” His voice is so earnest she’s having flashbacks to another fight right here. She thought they’d come so far since then.
“I know that. I am very well aware of that.”
“So were you the last time and you still ran right at it.” He gestures angrily and continues. “Kate, I tried to protect you and you didn’t choose me and you ended up hanging by your fingers off a building. How did I know-”
She moves right up into his face, glaring. “Because I told you I chose you, that I just wanted you.” She stops, stepping back and staring at him. “You still think I’m not in this, that I’m going to leave.”
“No, not like that. It’s just that when you have everything you’ve ever wanted there’s a part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. And Kate,” he pauses and she knows the next thing that comes is going to hurt. “You’ve never been able to walk away from your mother’s case. Not really.”
It’s a vicious punch in the gut and she falls into the chair behind her. “You don’t think I can,” she says, her voice dull and lifeless. “And if you think that…”
She can feel him drop into the chair next to her. “I’m just not sure you really want to.”
“You think I want this?” She stands, swinging her arms wildly around her cluttered apartment, towards the missing murder board. “You think that I’m doing all of this because I want to?” Her voice goes hard. “I told you when I came to you that he got away and I didn’t care, that all I wanted was you. Did you think I was lying?”
She sees him flinch at the sudden fire in her words. His response is quiet, though. “I didn’t think that you were lying.”
“So then I changed my mind? Is that what you think?”
“No, I just…”
All the fire goes out of her then, and she steps away from him. “If that’s what you think…if that’s what everyone thinks, then how can I even consider going back to the force?” She reaches her arm behind her to gesture toward him. “If even you don’t believe me, how can I stand up in front of the disciplinary board, in front of Gates and tell them it won’t happen again? How can I ever be a detective again?” She crumples against her counter and behind her he’s silent for a long time.
When he comes up behind her, she can feel his fingertips gentle on her shoulder. “You want to go back?” he asks softly.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Is that crazy?”
“No. Of course not.” He makes it sound matter of fact. Totally reasonable. “I’d be more concerned if you didn’t want to.”
“Do you think I can?” Her voice is small.
“Kate, you are the strongest person I know. You can do whatever you set your mind to.” He pauses, sliding his fingers down her arms and taking her hands in his. “As long as you decide you want to.”
She replies softly, “Maybe this time you’re wrong.”
He turns he until she looks up at him. “I’m hardly ever wrong,” he says, smirking.
She scoffs. “Except for almost every theory you come up with.”
“Does this mean we’re done fighting?”
She sighs. “I’m not done being angry, but I guess this will have to be your freebie.”
“Huh?” The bridge of his nose crinkles in adorable confusion.
“Your mom told me you’d do something stupid. Asked me to remember it was because you cared too much.”
His eyes go wide. “My mother told you that?”
She nods, chuckling. “She said it was her one piece of meddling.”
“Yeah, right,” he says sarcastically. “I’m sure she’ll prove that wrong.”
“But next time…”
“You’ll shoot me?”
“Just maybe.”
~*~*~*~*~
There’s a delay before the phone is answered, then some fumbling. “Javier, what the hell are you doing calling me at…” She pauses. “Two-thirty in the morning. If you’re hoping for some booty, you are shit-out-of-luck.”
“That is not why I called.”
“Why did you call?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“To me?”
“Yeah.”
“Now?”
“I just got home. I didn’t know it was so late.” He lowers his voice. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“No, you’re not.” She sighs and he can hear her shuffling around, sitting up. “Where were you, anyway?”
“We met at Castle’s and then I went home with Beckett.”
“Why did you go home with Beckett? What happened to Castle?”
“They had a fight.”
She groans. “What did he do now?”
“He, uh…” He hesitates for a moment, then finally admits, “Asked me to arrange for some guys to protect her, have her back.”
“And didn’t tell her?”
“Yeah. She wasn’t happy.”
“But she let you follow her home?”
“I didn’t really give her a choice,” he says gruffly.
“Of course you didn’t,” she says half-teasingly then she’s quiet for a long moment. “Javi, what are we doing here? Is this to make up for the buddy time you’re missing because of your spat with Ryan?”
He doesn’t know which part of her accusation to react to first, and because he still doesn’t know what he wants to tell her, he chooses what seems easier at the time. “Lanie,” he growls, “It’s not a spat.”
“Well, what is it then? Because I don’t get it. Yes, he went to Gates, but from what you and Beckett said, it sounded like he didn’t have a choice.”
“He could have backed us up without bringing in Gates,” he insists stubbornly.
“And then gotten you all in deeper trouble for trying to hide it.” He can hear her curls bouncing around her face as she shakes her head. “Has anyone ever told you that you are a mule?”
He ignores the jab and goes on, “But that’s not all, anyway. He just wasn’t there for the team, for Beckett.”
“What are you talking about, Javier Esposito?”
“For months he’s been acting like a Castle groupie, trying to spin the stories, come up with ridiculous theories.”
“And this is a problem, why exactly? It sounds like he was just having fun.”
“Because Castle was freezing Beckett out. Acting like an ass. Flaunting that bimbo. And there’s Ryan, finding himself a new partner.”
“Sounds pretty petty to me.”
“Lanie, we’re supposed to look out for our own. He’s not even a cop.”
“You mean, like you’ve been looking out for your partner instead of racing after Beckett’s crazy stunts?”
“I was looking out for our squad leader.”
“Well, so was he. You just did it differently.”
The thought hangs in the space between them and Esposito wants to kick something. “I didn’t call to fight with you about Ryan.”
“Yeah, well why did you call, then?”
He takes a breath, stalling. “Something’s going to go down in the next day or two. There doesn’t seem to be any question that Beckett’s the last loose end for this guy. I just…didn’t want anything to happen without talking to you without telling you…”
She gives him time before prompting gently, “Telling me what?”
“That I care about you. I want to find a way to fix this.”
“That’s a start, but you better not be telling me this because you’ve got some stupid plan to be a hero. Ryan’s got the precinct involved, right? Let them take him down.”
“I’m not going to screw it up a second time,” he insists doggedly. “We need to put this guy away.”
When she speaks again, it’s so soft he can barely hear her. “Just don’t get hurt Javi. You better not go and get yourself hurt when we just started to figure this thing out.”
to be continued…
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