My Hiatus...

[imaginarywings7]

If I could sum up one word for this summer it would be Hiatus. I'm in between everything in my life. I feel like all the changes in my life are too much to keep up with. I mean I feel like I'm losing everything that ever meant anything. First, I'm going to college. I loved my high school and yeah I think I'm definitely ready to go but this summer was not the way I thought my summer before college would be like. I thought it would be happy, an exciting time in my life. I was completely wrong. I mean its not that I haven't had a lot of fun. I've had TONS of fun actually. Its just that I know that in 4 days I'm going to be a mess. I'm trying to look forward to things and I bought a bunch of books at Barnes and Noble today so I could keep myself busy but I don't think that I can conceal how bad I'm going to feel. I mean my best friend, my boyfriend, the first guy I ever fell in love with is moving. And he's not just moving down the street, he's moving to Florida, a good 10 hour car drive or 2 hour plane flight. For 2 1/2 years he has been my everything. Its not that I don't love any of my friends less, its just that he is the only person I would practically do anything for. I trust him completely. I love him completely. I know that he would never do anything to purposely hurt me. I know that he looks out for my feelings before anything else when it comes to me. It just doesn't seem fair you know? I mean, if we had more time I'd still be calling him my boyfriend. Not like we've changed the way we behave around each other just because we are technically not dating. In some sense we might even be closer. Sure we don't hold hands as much, but when he grabs my hand its because I know he's going to miss me. And yeah we don't tell each other I love you everytime we get off the phone or part but everytime he tells me that he loves me I know that he's not just saying that as a greeting, he's saying it because he means it. I mean for 2 1/2 years we have been inseperable. Even when we couldn't stand each other we were inseperable. We may not have talked to or seen each other but that doesn't mean we weren't on each other's minds constantly. We are so close that we can practically read each other's minds, we know what the other is thinking 98% of the time, can judge and accurately portray each other's reactions and can easily make one another mad in less than a second. He's the best friend I have ever had. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know....I just don't know. All I know is that when he leaves no matter how distracted I try and make myself all I will be doing is counting down till the day I can see his face again. He's my everything and just thinking about a life without him brings tears to my eyes. My mom keeps telling me that I should take this as an opporunity to start a new chapter in my life. Only problem is that I'm not willing to leave this one just yet. All I can seem to think about is our time together. Most recently last night when he tucked me into bed, softly laying the sheets over me and giving me one of those extra-long hugs. I just want to remember his kiss and the way he squeezes my hand 3 times. I   love   you.

Oh God. What am I going to do?......I just don't know....