I'm back!
WOW. I haven't written in FOREVER. Well at least it feels like its been forever. OKAY, having major deju vu right now! I've really been getting that lately. It's really strange.
So how have my months been? Tedious? Useless? Ridiculous? Yeah, pretty much all of the above.
About college - So I've gotten into two colleges so far and heard from three. The reason Trinity didn't except me was because I was hanging by a very thin thread with them! We had a guy who ran into my mom when she visited the campus tell us that the only reason I wasn't admitted was because the number of applicants were too high for the year. That made me feel a little better, but secretly I'm completely relieved that I didn't get into that school, and I didn't put much effort saying that I wanted to go there. Now my parents can stop pushing me about it, thats quite nice.
About school - I'm completely over school. I have no motivation to study or work. I even did an entire research paper that we had 2 1/2 months to do in one night. I just don't care. When I came back from Cambridge I even noticed it. High school is so frivolous in the big scheme of things.
But you see, I don't want the school year to be over, I just don't want to go to school. The school year ending means some pretty great things, yeah, graduating, disneyworld, Japan, Greece.
But you must realize, the end of school also means Andrew moving to Florida. It means putting an egg timer on our perpetually dangerous and incredible relationship. He's my best friend, and the only person in the world who really understands me. Yeah, yeah it sounds sappy but honestly after 2 1/2 years you began to think of that person as a constant in your life. Even when we broke up for 3 months he was still a constant. Well, a constant pain but nevertheless constant. I don't want to move apart from him, yet its inevitable. It's going to happen. And the day that comes I will cry, both for letting go of the past and starting a new life. Andrew is the love of my 18 year old life, but I need to move on and experience the world for all it has to offer. He'll always have a special place in my heart and I'm going to enjoy every second we have left together on this planet, and who knows maybe we'll find each other again someday, whenever, as whatever.
You know when I was 8 years old I didn't think I'd make it this far into life. I always thought that on my 16th birthday some creature would come down and tell me that it was time that I took my rightful place in the land of so and so or that I was meant for greater things or something. Okay, so it SOUNDS crazy, but I was EIGHT and as my mom often said - I lived in a completely different world from this one.
I wish I was back there though. In that other world of mine. Where its always fun and games and where life has no ability to push you away from what you love. But since I guess the land of so and so decided to keep me here a few extra years I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.
On friends - I miss Maricarmen very much. I feel like she's really grow up and that I was so preoccupied with myself that I didn't have enough time to relish in that fact that my silly best friend transformed into a beautiful woman. I wish we could have spent more time together. I really regret that. As far as my other best friend she knows that I Love her dearly. I wish she wouldn't worry so much!
But my close friends really don't seem to come from school. Sometimes I feel people at school are too close minded to really accept people. I don't think people dislike me at all! I just wish people cared more, because I'm not about to try and force people to be closer.
But I have lots of friends, and really without them part of me would be missing. I remember that I used to think that the friends I had when I was a sophomore were forever. I hate how things change on you as people grow apart, or just decide to not grow up at all. More or less people growing apart though, since I think everyone has grown in some fashion.
You know another tough thing? Andrew and chrones. GOD. I want to help him, but there's nothing I can do! Part of me blames myself. I often think that he would have never had a chrones flare up if I hadn't have stressed him out so much. I can be such an idiot sometimes but I'd like to think I have grown milestones from where I used to stand. I want to help Andrew, I want to stop his pain. I wish there was something I could do for him. I really do.
So that's how my life stands at present. Pretty mellow and really melancholy. With senior retreat coming up I doubt things will become any more happier!
But I am happy. I love. and as simple as it sounds....
Love makes me happy :)
So how have my months been? Tedious? Useless? Ridiculous? Yeah, pretty much all of the above.
About college - So I've gotten into two colleges so far and heard from three. The reason Trinity didn't except me was because I was hanging by a very thin thread with them! We had a guy who ran into my mom when she visited the campus tell us that the only reason I wasn't admitted was because the number of applicants were too high for the year. That made me feel a little better, but secretly I'm completely relieved that I didn't get into that school, and I didn't put much effort saying that I wanted to go there. Now my parents can stop pushing me about it, thats quite nice.
About school - I'm completely over school. I have no motivation to study or work. I even did an entire research paper that we had 2 1/2 months to do in one night. I just don't care. When I came back from Cambridge I even noticed it. High school is so frivolous in the big scheme of things.
But you see, I don't want the school year to be over, I just don't want to go to school. The school year ending means some pretty great things, yeah, graduating, disneyworld, Japan, Greece.
But you must realize, the end of school also means Andrew moving to Florida. It means putting an egg timer on our perpetually dangerous and incredible relationship. He's my best friend, and the only person in the world who really understands me. Yeah, yeah it sounds sappy but honestly after 2 1/2 years you began to think of that person as a constant in your life. Even when we broke up for 3 months he was still a constant. Well, a constant pain but nevertheless constant. I don't want to move apart from him, yet its inevitable. It's going to happen. And the day that comes I will cry, both for letting go of the past and starting a new life. Andrew is the love of my 18 year old life, but I need to move on and experience the world for all it has to offer. He'll always have a special place in my heart and I'm going to enjoy every second we have left together on this planet, and who knows maybe we'll find each other again someday, whenever, as whatever.
You know when I was 8 years old I didn't think I'd make it this far into life. I always thought that on my 16th birthday some creature would come down and tell me that it was time that I took my rightful place in the land of so and so or that I was meant for greater things or something. Okay, so it SOUNDS crazy, but I was EIGHT and as my mom often said - I lived in a completely different world from this one.
I wish I was back there though. In that other world of mine. Where its always fun and games and where life has no ability to push you away from what you love. But since I guess the land of so and so decided to keep me here a few extra years I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.
On friends - I miss Maricarmen very much. I feel like she's really grow up and that I was so preoccupied with myself that I didn't have enough time to relish in that fact that my silly best friend transformed into a beautiful woman. I wish we could have spent more time together. I really regret that. As far as my other best friend she knows that I Love her dearly. I wish she wouldn't worry so much!
But my close friends really don't seem to come from school. Sometimes I feel people at school are too close minded to really accept people. I don't think people dislike me at all! I just wish people cared more, because I'm not about to try and force people to be closer.
But I have lots of friends, and really without them part of me would be missing. I remember that I used to think that the friends I had when I was a sophomore were forever. I hate how things change on you as people grow apart, or just decide to not grow up at all. More or less people growing apart though, since I think everyone has grown in some fashion.
You know another tough thing? Andrew and chrones. GOD. I want to help him, but there's nothing I can do! Part of me blames myself. I often think that he would have never had a chrones flare up if I hadn't have stressed him out so much. I can be such an idiot sometimes but I'd like to think I have grown milestones from where I used to stand. I want to help Andrew, I want to stop his pain. I wish there was something I could do for him. I really do.
So that's how my life stands at present. Pretty mellow and really melancholy. With senior retreat coming up I doubt things will become any more happier!
But I am happy. I love. and as simple as it sounds....
Love makes me happy :)