(no subject)
i am feeling really stressed out about everything. and pissed... i havent said anything to anyone to anybody, cept' for kate, of course. but honestly im just kind of disgusted with myself and my behaivior. im trying really hard not to regret anything. certain peoples behaivior sorrunding a certain event has really pissed me off, the more that i think about. i guess that im the only one who can really honestly look out for my well being and i have to take that responsibility more seriously. i doubt anybody understands what im saying, but i just had to write what im feeling right this second.
also, im tired of my mother. i honestly dont ever want to see her again. and being the perfect child around maria and paul is very exhausting. theyre always making fun of me and critisizing me and i just have to stand there and smile or else it will go back to the way it used to be. last night i had a dream that i was standing around with a group of my aquaintances and they all started kicking me in the leg and i just stood there and laughed.
i honestly just want someone to take me in there arms and hold me. but i doubt that i would let anybody, i'd probably just squirm like the worm that i am.
also, im tired of my mother. i honestly dont ever want to see her again. and being the perfect child around maria and paul is very exhausting. theyre always making fun of me and critisizing me and i just have to stand there and smile or else it will go back to the way it used to be. last night i had a dream that i was standing around with a group of my aquaintances and they all started kicking me in the leg and i just stood there and laughed.
i honestly just want someone to take me in there arms and hold me. but i doubt that i would let anybody, i'd probably just squirm like the worm that i am.