You will believe in love, and all that it's supposed to be.
i've decided to start writing again since i've been silent -- like painfully silent -- for about two years now. my sense of communication is weak, so i'm going to begin by just talking (writing) and not thinking too much about what i might say. censor myself less, maybe.
i don't know how many people are still here, reading these words. but i've been reading your journals, i just haven't written anything. i've become incredibly used to my silence. i don't enjoy being silent, to be honest, i just don't feel connected or trusting of many people i come across. silence makes sense to me. but i'm through with being silent. and with hiding. because it's a terrible way to live life.
i don't know if you remember about what happened with carissa -- best friend since '98, breaking up and reuniting since '05. that's about as easily as i can summarize it.
anyway, it's happened again and we are no longer friends. it was fully her decision to pull away and my decision to let her go. i don't think we'll ever be friends again. that sounds sad or vindictive, but i just don't know if it'd be wise to trust in her again. and i'd like to try to stop making stupid, self-destructive decisions. i mean, i'm getting too old to crash and burn. and if i want to start living my life it has to be now.
i'm in school studying anthropology and psychology. this semester has gone to shit, though, cause i've been sick about 6 times since december. i've had to ask my teachers to give me a chance to make up a lot of shit and i kind of hate having to do that. i'm not sure how i'm going to finish my degree when i keep getting as sick as i do as often as i do. i guess i'll just have to figure that out.
i'm working on health, though, so hopefully that bodes well for me next year. i mean, i joined weight watchers last month and have lost about 20 pounds so far, so i think i'm on the right track. once i get to the point where i'm eating mostly non-processed foods (i.e. natural/organic fruits/vegetables and lean meats), i'll just have to concentrate on continually eating foods that'll boost my immune system. oh! and if you have any good recipe ideas for heart healthy meals, i'd really appreciate it! and if you have the breakdown for calories/fat/fibre, i'll love you for life! or you know, thanks! lol.
i think i'm going to start meditating, too. i hear good things about that. hopefully it'll help me quell my temper. it can get so nasty some days! and anger kind of kills me inside. but, yeah. meditation... coming soon...
hm. this entry is so casual and i'm not used to that. it's unnerving. but i choose to embrace the idea of being off the cuff and unafraid of being whoever the fuck i am.
oh! and feel free to facebook friend me.