(no subject)
Hey guys.. this is a "prototype" for an email that I'm getting together to send to my family and whatnot. Thoughts? You don't have to read it if you don't want to, obviously. :)
Since moving into college, I have had to learn a lot of things on my own. I have had to learn that I have to do my own laundry, clean up after myself, take care of myself and watch the foods that I eat. I tried not to take this for granted when I lived at home, but it really wasn’t until I was back here for winter break that I see how much I really did. As did you. There’s something to be said for a person who cares about you so greatly that she spends her life organizing your life and your surroundings.
Ever since I was old enough to stand up on my two feet, I have tried to step into my Mom’s shoes and be her. I have always held her in the highest respect, something you never did. She has always stood by me through so many mistakes that I have made, and been there for my whole childhood, not just the important and obligatory parts. This is why I intend to help her through this, just like she has done for me, regardless of the fact that you are the cause. I don’t care that she doesn’t have a degree hanging on the wall (yet). I have never thought of her as anything less than brilliant. I’m lucky to have been blessed by entering into a family where I was always going to be taken care of. I don’t understand how one can walk away and not care. I don’t understand how it is possible to be okay with walking away.
My Mom wasn’t the only one who I looked up to. All I’ve wanted for 18 years now was to hear that you were proud of me, that I was finally making you happy, finally good enough. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I got a text message from you, saying that you were proud. That’s all I’ve been looking for; the acceptance, caring, and compassion. You think that I worked myself as hard as I did just for my own good? Then I come to find out that you didn’t even graduate cum laude, or with any remarkable grades; which is quite the opposite picture that you painted yourself to be. Not to mention the fact that I don’t want to hear a word about how I am not working. It was interesting to find out that you “used” your ex-wife to get through college. Another remarkable accomplishment of deceit and betrayal. So why do you give me such a hard time about my grades? Is it because you never got the grades you wanted? Because you never tried hard enough yourself and you’re trying to better my life? Well, perhaps if you hadn’t drug me across the country, tore apart my family, and broke my mother’s heart all in three little years, I would have been able to focus on just working.
As a side note, wonderful timing. This was supposed to be the greatest time of my life. The starting of MY life, MY career; but instead, I’m left behind to pick up the pieces that you don’t care to mend. Don’t get me wrong, I would do anything for my Mother. I have absolutely no resentment for her because of what happened. After all, if it weren’t for her, I would have no idea what was going on. That would be preferable though, because it doesn’t involve me, right? It’s only my Dad deceiving all of us, leaving my Mom, and completely tearing apart my family as I’ve known it for 18 years now. My Dad that I have always held in such great respect has deceived all of us. Does he realize that by picking the “easier” road, that he has so many more relationships that he will have to mend? Many of which, are irreparable. Of everyone, I think I have been the most gracious. I have kept my mouth shut, I haven’t said anything mean, I haven’t even brought up the topic, and even though it takes everything I have, I don’t question the Hell out of you. Not to worry, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t done that to Xin. I would go into the details of that pleasant conversation, but I’ll leave that up to you to figure out in your own time. All I’ll say is that I’m afraid she had to learn the hard way that I am my Mother’s daughter. And, I couldn’t be more proud when I say that.
I don’t care who you’ve found as your replacement. She’s NOT my mother, therefore I don’t care. No one can replace my Mom. So don’t even try. She is one of the main reasons I want to have a child; I want to give another human being the kind of care and attention I have gotten. No one would put up with everything from me, support me through everything, and take care of me when I’m in need, as much as she has. After all, you sure didn’t. If she wasn’t around, I’d be living in a Chinese youth hostel right now. But that’s okay, because maybe Xin and I have a lot in common. Hell, we’re pretty much the same age. And as just a… well, let’s say “author’s note”; do you think that someone who is young enough to be your daughter is a good choice for a life partner? Oh, I know your answer to that question already. It’s not YOUR fault that her Dad had her when he did. Well, I’m very sorry, but I’m sure that when her Dad had her, he wasn’t expecting someone 35 years older to come along and date her.
Someone who you say is stupid, and who you won’t be with for very long. Well I’m glad that you are divorcing my Mom, breaking everyone’s trust, friendships, and promises, for someone who “is stupid and you won’t marry.” But in my opinion, I think she’s a lot smarter than you give her credit for. Or that you want to give her credit for, I know how you hate praising other people. I wish someone would give me a nice place to live, a cell phone that I don’t have to pay for, free transportation, free food… Oh wait! I do have that! Perhaps this girl should be playing the “daughter” role instead of “girlfriend”.
Oh, and also, I don’t think that even you are stupid enough to actually move her into this house while I am living here. I hate to act this way, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to make her life pretty shitty until she realizes there are better men in the world for her to date.
I also learned how awful and mean you were to Kelly and Paula while they were in college, and while they were growing up. I can’t believe that you valued me more than them just because I am biologically your child. You have been their Dad for longer than I have been alive! Have you thought about the fact of you saying that Kelly and Paula aren’t your daughters is like saying that Don Crittenden is not your father. You would think that you would have been more accepting.
If you are intending to continue any kind of relationship with me, there will have to be some sort of changes. I won’t take responsibility for being the only thing that’s keeping you going. I just can’t handle that kind of pressure. In order for me to consider, I would need you to go and see a professional. Because this is the path that you wanted, the woman that you wanted, everything you have now is what you wanted. Yet you still say that you want to die because of the circumstances. I hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t sound like a happy situation.
As I sit back at my desk, I have a picture sitting out of you and Mom from Graduation. Good thing Jason made you take that picture together, because it’s the most recent one I have. Little did I know that was the last time that I was going to see you together like that. Not necessarily happy, but trying to make it work. It’s too bad that you had to lie to Jason and tell him that it was work that was bothering you. You two really got along pretty well, and I will hold that week in my memory forever.
When we were there, away from everything, and you were pretty much secluded from the world, you were my Dad again. The one who sang crazy songs, said embarrassing things, and was kind. You can only imagine how he must have felt when I gathered up the courage to tell Jason what was really going on. He loves my family like we are his own. Even now, he still tries to tell me that things will be okay, even though they won’t be. He believes that you are a good person, and that you just need some help. He is the one who reminds me that you are still my father, and that I have to try to forgive you, even if you don’t make the effort.
You know how when you drive the same road every day, you come to expect bumps and potholes?. Daily annoyances that you start to brace yourself for. These annoyances can range anywhere from exercising everyday without taking any time to spend with your family, to eating half of a pie the night before Thanksgiving. Even if you come to expect these potholes and bumps in the road, it doesn’t make them any less annoying.
This relationship between you and I is not my responsibility. I will only put in as much as you do, because I won’t be the one holding everything together. I won’t allow you to rely on me for everything.
Since moving into college, I have had to learn a lot of things on my own. I have had to learn that I have to do my own laundry, clean up after myself, take care of myself and watch the foods that I eat. I tried not to take this for granted when I lived at home, but it really wasn’t until I was back here for winter break that I see how much I really did. As did you. There’s something to be said for a person who cares about you so greatly that she spends her life organizing your life and your surroundings.
Ever since I was old enough to stand up on my two feet, I have tried to step into my Mom’s shoes and be her. I have always held her in the highest respect, something you never did. She has always stood by me through so many mistakes that I have made, and been there for my whole childhood, not just the important and obligatory parts. This is why I intend to help her through this, just like she has done for me, regardless of the fact that you are the cause. I don’t care that she doesn’t have a degree hanging on the wall (yet). I have never thought of her as anything less than brilliant. I’m lucky to have been blessed by entering into a family where I was always going to be taken care of. I don’t understand how one can walk away and not care. I don’t understand how it is possible to be okay with walking away.
My Mom wasn’t the only one who I looked up to. All I’ve wanted for 18 years now was to hear that you were proud of me, that I was finally making you happy, finally good enough. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I got a text message from you, saying that you were proud. That’s all I’ve been looking for; the acceptance, caring, and compassion. You think that I worked myself as hard as I did just for my own good? Then I come to find out that you didn’t even graduate cum laude, or with any remarkable grades; which is quite the opposite picture that you painted yourself to be. Not to mention the fact that I don’t want to hear a word about how I am not working. It was interesting to find out that you “used” your ex-wife to get through college. Another remarkable accomplishment of deceit and betrayal. So why do you give me such a hard time about my grades? Is it because you never got the grades you wanted? Because you never tried hard enough yourself and you’re trying to better my life? Well, perhaps if you hadn’t drug me across the country, tore apart my family, and broke my mother’s heart all in three little years, I would have been able to focus on just working.
As a side note, wonderful timing. This was supposed to be the greatest time of my life. The starting of MY life, MY career; but instead, I’m left behind to pick up the pieces that you don’t care to mend. Don’t get me wrong, I would do anything for my Mother. I have absolutely no resentment for her because of what happened. After all, if it weren’t for her, I would have no idea what was going on. That would be preferable though, because it doesn’t involve me, right? It’s only my Dad deceiving all of us, leaving my Mom, and completely tearing apart my family as I’ve known it for 18 years now. My Dad that I have always held in such great respect has deceived all of us. Does he realize that by picking the “easier” road, that he has so many more relationships that he will have to mend? Many of which, are irreparable. Of everyone, I think I have been the most gracious. I have kept my mouth shut, I haven’t said anything mean, I haven’t even brought up the topic, and even though it takes everything I have, I don’t question the Hell out of you. Not to worry, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t done that to Xin. I would go into the details of that pleasant conversation, but I’ll leave that up to you to figure out in your own time. All I’ll say is that I’m afraid she had to learn the hard way that I am my Mother’s daughter. And, I couldn’t be more proud when I say that.
I don’t care who you’ve found as your replacement. She’s NOT my mother, therefore I don’t care. No one can replace my Mom. So don’t even try. She is one of the main reasons I want to have a child; I want to give another human being the kind of care and attention I have gotten. No one would put up with everything from me, support me through everything, and take care of me when I’m in need, as much as she has. After all, you sure didn’t. If she wasn’t around, I’d be living in a Chinese youth hostel right now. But that’s okay, because maybe Xin and I have a lot in common. Hell, we’re pretty much the same age. And as just a… well, let’s say “author’s note”; do you think that someone who is young enough to be your daughter is a good choice for a life partner? Oh, I know your answer to that question already. It’s not YOUR fault that her Dad had her when he did. Well, I’m very sorry, but I’m sure that when her Dad had her, he wasn’t expecting someone 35 years older to come along and date her.
Someone who you say is stupid, and who you won’t be with for very long. Well I’m glad that you are divorcing my Mom, breaking everyone’s trust, friendships, and promises, for someone who “is stupid and you won’t marry.” But in my opinion, I think she’s a lot smarter than you give her credit for. Or that you want to give her credit for, I know how you hate praising other people. I wish someone would give me a nice place to live, a cell phone that I don’t have to pay for, free transportation, free food… Oh wait! I do have that! Perhaps this girl should be playing the “daughter” role instead of “girlfriend”.
Oh, and also, I don’t think that even you are stupid enough to actually move her into this house while I am living here. I hate to act this way, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to make her life pretty shitty until she realizes there are better men in the world for her to date.
I also learned how awful and mean you were to Kelly and Paula while they were in college, and while they were growing up. I can’t believe that you valued me more than them just because I am biologically your child. You have been their Dad for longer than I have been alive! Have you thought about the fact of you saying that Kelly and Paula aren’t your daughters is like saying that Don Crittenden is not your father. You would think that you would have been more accepting.
If you are intending to continue any kind of relationship with me, there will have to be some sort of changes. I won’t take responsibility for being the only thing that’s keeping you going. I just can’t handle that kind of pressure. In order for me to consider, I would need you to go and see a professional. Because this is the path that you wanted, the woman that you wanted, everything you have now is what you wanted. Yet you still say that you want to die because of the circumstances. I hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t sound like a happy situation.
As I sit back at my desk, I have a picture sitting out of you and Mom from Graduation. Good thing Jason made you take that picture together, because it’s the most recent one I have. Little did I know that was the last time that I was going to see you together like that. Not necessarily happy, but trying to make it work. It’s too bad that you had to lie to Jason and tell him that it was work that was bothering you. You two really got along pretty well, and I will hold that week in my memory forever.
When we were there, away from everything, and you were pretty much secluded from the world, you were my Dad again. The one who sang crazy songs, said embarrassing things, and was kind. You can only imagine how he must have felt when I gathered up the courage to tell Jason what was really going on. He loves my family like we are his own. Even now, he still tries to tell me that things will be okay, even though they won’t be. He believes that you are a good person, and that you just need some help. He is the one who reminds me that you are still my father, and that I have to try to forgive you, even if you don’t make the effort.
You know how when you drive the same road every day, you come to expect bumps and potholes?. Daily annoyances that you start to brace yourself for. These annoyances can range anywhere from exercising everyday without taking any time to spend with your family, to eating half of a pie the night before Thanksgiving. Even if you come to expect these potholes and bumps in the road, it doesn’t make them any less annoying.
This relationship between you and I is not my responsibility. I will only put in as much as you do, because I won’t be the one holding everything together. I won’t allow you to rely on me for everything.