LJ Idol Week 19, Mirage
It’s been a while since I asked a parking meter for directions or tried to carry on a conversation with a lamp post, mistaking them for people. Yet these things happen to me on what seems to be a regular basis. Everything I see is an illusion. It is, all of it, there but also not there. A pair of boots on the floor looks like my cat and I might reach down to pet them, then suddenly, pull back my hand, realizing that I am mistaken. A pile of laundry on a chair looks to be a person, and if I hadn’t placed it there myself I might stop a moment and attempt to converse. The napkin folded neatly on my plate at a fancy dinner party appears to be the main dish, and I might poke at it tentatively with my fork, before realizing that it is a clean napkin that belongs in my lap.
If you think this all sounds exhausting you would be right. Making sense of what I see is like a full time job. Usually I can’t sort it out at all so my vision isn’t of any use, just a mirage of colors that bombards me at every turn of my head.
That’s another thing, colors, I can’t sort them out. They all look the same. Pink looks like white, and brown, gray, and blues all look green to me. Half the rainbow is green, but green itself always comes out looking brown or gray. It’s a wonder I can match my clothes to dress myself.
Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning in circles, arms outstretched, taking in all the shapes and colors all at once. They mean nothing but I try to make sense of them anyway, like sifting through sands looking for something that is lost.
Sometimes I see shadows and I jerk to a stop thinking something is there. I pause, hold my breath, and listen. Something could be ready to get me. I’m like a paralyzed animal feeling like I’m being hunted. Then tentatively I reach out a hand, or slide my foot forward just to check. Usually the shadows turn out to be nothing, but since my vision is so poor and I have no depth perception, one never knows what I might find lurking in the shadows.
It is hard to think of vision as something that is valuable when all you take in are optical illusions. People tell me they wouldn’t know what to do if they were blind, and I just think that if I were totally blind the world would be so much quieter, so much more sane. There would be less second guessing, less dancing fearfully in the shadows. Vision to me is something I can grasp, but it always takes me for a ride and what I see is never truly there, never real, and nothing but a mirage of unrelated images flashed before me like some kind of joke. This is how I know Creator has a sense of humor. Good thing I’m willing to play along in the game of guessing what is right before my eyes, plain to see for everyone but me.
If you think this all sounds exhausting you would be right. Making sense of what I see is like a full time job. Usually I can’t sort it out at all so my vision isn’t of any use, just a mirage of colors that bombards me at every turn of my head.
That’s another thing, colors, I can’t sort them out. They all look the same. Pink looks like white, and brown, gray, and blues all look green to me. Half the rainbow is green, but green itself always comes out looking brown or gray. It’s a wonder I can match my clothes to dress myself.
Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning in circles, arms outstretched, taking in all the shapes and colors all at once. They mean nothing but I try to make sense of them anyway, like sifting through sands looking for something that is lost.
Sometimes I see shadows and I jerk to a stop thinking something is there. I pause, hold my breath, and listen. Something could be ready to get me. I’m like a paralyzed animal feeling like I’m being hunted. Then tentatively I reach out a hand, or slide my foot forward just to check. Usually the shadows turn out to be nothing, but since my vision is so poor and I have no depth perception, one never knows what I might find lurking in the shadows.
It is hard to think of vision as something that is valuable when all you take in are optical illusions. People tell me they wouldn’t know what to do if they were blind, and I just think that if I were totally blind the world would be so much quieter, so much more sane. There would be less second guessing, less dancing fearfully in the shadows. Vision to me is something I can grasp, but it always takes me for a ride and what I see is never truly there, never real, and nothing but a mirage of unrelated images flashed before me like some kind of joke. This is how I know Creator has a sense of humor. Good thing I’m willing to play along in the game of guessing what is right before my eyes, plain to see for everyone but me.