LJ Idol, week 24, round 2, Pass the Ammunition
I think everyone has had times in their lives when they wish they had just a little ammunition. Maybe true bullets to fire, or maybe just words, or facts, or just a little bit of help with which to arm oneself. It’s not easy getting through life. I think it’s a maze of tests for all of us. Sometimes we need a little help.
As a child I could have used some ammunition to fight back against my father and the abuses that occurred in our house. As he got drunk and high on a daily basis I could have used an escape route. When he was physically violent I could have used a shield. When he threatened to shoot my entire family on two occasions I could have used a weapon to defend us. I could have benefited from a lot of help in those years as I struggled to reach adulthood without any ammunition. I could do nothing, was armed with nothing, and had nowhere to turn. I now carry the emotional scars of being defenseless in a bad situation.
As a teenager I was teased constantly by other kids. They picked on me for my blindness and for being a know it all. They didn’t want to be friends with me and I often came home crying. When I went to school dances none of the boys would dance with me. I didn’t have the right clothes, the right friends, or the right anything. I was smart but enjoyed talking about topics beyond my years, so I never fit in. When I was laughed at and whispered about I could have used the big guns to protect myself from all the taunting.
As an adult a lot of my family doesn’t understand me. They make comments about my weight. If I was thinner I’d be happier, more successful and would look and feel better. They don’t understand the disabilities I have acquired over the years. I can’t possibly be in debilitating pain, I must be making it up. Even if I am in pain it’s just an inconvenience not another disabling condition. I can’t have autism spectrum disorder because I wasn’t diagnosed as a child. I should just shake off the depression and I’d be doing better. Where is the ammunition I need to fight against all these judgments and false statements. Where is the help. Someone throw me a paddle so I can fight back against the pull of the tide.
I’ve even been called lazy and unmotivated which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have no idea what to say in these situations. I feel as though I am at a loss. I could just use a little ammunition. Just a little something to fight back.
Sometimes I don’t know what to say against all these accusations. I don’t know who, if anyone, can defend me. Sometimes I just need a little ammunition when I’m having a rough day. Some little snappy comment to shoot back with, something that will get attention. It doesn’t have to kill, just make things even again, giving me a little leg up.
I think we all have days like this. Tell me, am I wrong?
As a child I could have used some ammunition to fight back against my father and the abuses that occurred in our house. As he got drunk and high on a daily basis I could have used an escape route. When he was physically violent I could have used a shield. When he threatened to shoot my entire family on two occasions I could have used a weapon to defend us. I could have benefited from a lot of help in those years as I struggled to reach adulthood without any ammunition. I could do nothing, was armed with nothing, and had nowhere to turn. I now carry the emotional scars of being defenseless in a bad situation.
As a teenager I was teased constantly by other kids. They picked on me for my blindness and for being a know it all. They didn’t want to be friends with me and I often came home crying. When I went to school dances none of the boys would dance with me. I didn’t have the right clothes, the right friends, or the right anything. I was smart but enjoyed talking about topics beyond my years, so I never fit in. When I was laughed at and whispered about I could have used the big guns to protect myself from all the taunting.
As an adult a lot of my family doesn’t understand me. They make comments about my weight. If I was thinner I’d be happier, more successful and would look and feel better. They don’t understand the disabilities I have acquired over the years. I can’t possibly be in debilitating pain, I must be making it up. Even if I am in pain it’s just an inconvenience not another disabling condition. I can’t have autism spectrum disorder because I wasn’t diagnosed as a child. I should just shake off the depression and I’d be doing better. Where is the ammunition I need to fight against all these judgments and false statements. Where is the help. Someone throw me a paddle so I can fight back against the pull of the tide.
I’ve even been called lazy and unmotivated which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have no idea what to say in these situations. I feel as though I am at a loss. I could just use a little ammunition. Just a little something to fight back.
Sometimes I don’t know what to say against all these accusations. I don’t know who, if anyone, can defend me. Sometimes I just need a little ammunition when I’m having a rough day. Some little snappy comment to shoot back with, something that will get attention. It doesn’t have to kill, just make things even again, giving me a little leg up.
I think we all have days like this. Tell me, am I wrong?