I just wanna be me
i decided to write two entry's because that one was getting long. lol.
so anyway a bunch of my friends went to California this weekend and i was really upset that i couldn't go, but now i think i'm glad i didn't. i had fun with my friends here and i got to think a lot about stuff. it was good. it would've been fun... but i think i might've gotten hurt. so i'm happy.
so... could it be? i'm finally moving on? i think so!!! :D!! i'm really happy. i might've found someone new? ya think? i dont know!?! haha but this weekend was good for me... i've realized that i was looking to all the wrong things for happiness. all i need is God and when the time is right... He will bring me the guy for me, all i need is patience. and i think i'm learning how to do that. be patient. i'm excited though because me and amanda were just talking about how i haven't been myself for the past few weeks... i've been seriously sad... depressed. whatever you want to call it. and i can't believe i let myself do that. i let myself lose it over a guy... much less a guy who doesnt feel anything for me. i wasted my time, thoughts, energy on something that wasn't at all worth it. don't get me wrong... he is an awesome guy... but i lost a part of me for a while because of it. what was wrong with me? the only thing i should spend that much time and energy on is God. i just can't get over how much i let him get to me. its insane. but i realized it because i think today i started seeing myself come back. it was cool because i was genuinely happy. which hasn't happened in a while. i was thinking of others instead of wallowing in my own sorrow. man i can't tell you how excited i am!! *huge smile* i'm not necessarily getting over it... i dont know if i ever will... but i am most certainly moving on... and it feels good. it will still hurt sometimes but its okay. i have to expect that. thats what comes along with "crushes" right? the pain is just something i have to deal with... but i will be alright... life goes on. i will live, and love. haha i sound funny saying all this. but seriously today was a NEW DAY. it was good. i love you all my friends.... until next time.
so anyway a bunch of my friends went to California this weekend and i was really upset that i couldn't go, but now i think i'm glad i didn't. i had fun with my friends here and i got to think a lot about stuff. it was good. it would've been fun... but i think i might've gotten hurt. so i'm happy.
so... could it be? i'm finally moving on? i think so!!! :D!! i'm really happy. i might've found someone new? ya think? i dont know!?! haha but this weekend was good for me... i've realized that i was looking to all the wrong things for happiness. all i need is God and when the time is right... He will bring me the guy for me, all i need is patience. and i think i'm learning how to do that. be patient. i'm excited though because me and amanda were just talking about how i haven't been myself for the past few weeks... i've been seriously sad... depressed. whatever you want to call it. and i can't believe i let myself do that. i let myself lose it over a guy... much less a guy who doesnt feel anything for me. i wasted my time, thoughts, energy on something that wasn't at all worth it. don't get me wrong... he is an awesome guy... but i lost a part of me for a while because of it. what was wrong with me? the only thing i should spend that much time and energy on is God. i just can't get over how much i let him get to me. its insane. but i realized it because i think today i started seeing myself come back. it was cool because i was genuinely happy. which hasn't happened in a while. i was thinking of others instead of wallowing in my own sorrow. man i can't tell you how excited i am!! *huge smile* i'm not necessarily getting over it... i dont know if i ever will... but i am most certainly moving on... and it feels good. it will still hurt sometimes but its okay. i have to expect that. thats what comes along with "crushes" right? the pain is just something i have to deal with... but i will be alright... life goes on. i will live, and love. haha i sound funny saying all this. but seriously today was a NEW DAY. it was good. i love you all my friends.... until next time.