It's over...
Last night was kind of a bigggg spiral downwards. I never thought it would end like that, with either of you.
You say you can't live without me, that the pain is just to much to handle without me by your side. Just remember that you did this to yourself. I wanted us to be able to stay friends. I wanted to be able to actually hang out again after a while. I wanted to still be able to talk to you and have full trust that you could keep my secrets. How can I believe that you love me, if everything else you tell me is a lie? How can I trust that anything you say to me is true? Do you realize that you have almost never been truthful with me? Yet I told you EVERYTHING. Even if it was something I knew would probably break us. I wish you hadn't been soooo obsessively clingy. I didn't ask much did I? I wasn't to crazy... was I? Did I mess with you too much? Did I say the wrong things? What did I do wrong? How could it have ended this badly? Was it really my fault? I did blame it mostly on you... I wish I had all the answers... I wish I wouldn't have shared so many great moments with you, whether intimate or not. I wish the good moments could outweigh the bad. I wish you didn't believe others over me... knowing that I have always told you the truth. I wish that you didn't tell everyone everything about me when you got upset... I wish you didn't drink when you got upset, I wish... I fucking wish that somehow, the past four months have just been a nightmare... I just wish.....
You say I don't care. Then you obviously don't know me as well as we thought. How am I supposed to let things go and trust you again? You have continuously stabbed me in the back. And for what? A guy? Some guy that happens to be my friend or my ex? Is that really necessary? Is it just a coincidence that anytime I break up with someone, you just happen to get close to them? Is it a coincidence that they ALL say you pursued them? No. You are a liar. And okay, maybe I am too. I'm soooo sorry that I told you I got back 2 days after I actually did. That was horrible of me. But I have never, not ONCE stabbed you in the back like you did, me. I have tried. I have tried letting it go, thinking of some good times we have had to cover up the hurt, getting other peoples opinions. Doesn't work. You know what everyone has to say about you? That you're a bitch. That They are surprised you still even have friends. I know how amazing you can be, Katie. You're so fun to be around, and I know that you would have done anything for me if you could. But again... I wish the good could outweigh the bad. It doesn't. It never has, and it never will. I truly am sorry that we couldn't work this out. I'm really sorry that I'm just not willing to. You win.
You say you can't live without me, that the pain is just to much to handle without me by your side. Just remember that you did this to yourself. I wanted us to be able to stay friends. I wanted to be able to actually hang out again after a while. I wanted to still be able to talk to you and have full trust that you could keep my secrets. How can I believe that you love me, if everything else you tell me is a lie? How can I trust that anything you say to me is true? Do you realize that you have almost never been truthful with me? Yet I told you EVERYTHING. Even if it was something I knew would probably break us. I wish you hadn't been soooo obsessively clingy. I didn't ask much did I? I wasn't to crazy... was I? Did I mess with you too much? Did I say the wrong things? What did I do wrong? How could it have ended this badly? Was it really my fault? I did blame it mostly on you... I wish I had all the answers... I wish I wouldn't have shared so many great moments with you, whether intimate or not. I wish the good moments could outweigh the bad. I wish you didn't believe others over me... knowing that I have always told you the truth. I wish that you didn't tell everyone everything about me when you got upset... I wish you didn't drink when you got upset, I wish... I fucking wish that somehow, the past four months have just been a nightmare... I just wish.....
You say I don't care. Then you obviously don't know me as well as we thought. How am I supposed to let things go and trust you again? You have continuously stabbed me in the back. And for what? A guy? Some guy that happens to be my friend or my ex? Is that really necessary? Is it just a coincidence that anytime I break up with someone, you just happen to get close to them? Is it a coincidence that they ALL say you pursued them? No. You are a liar. And okay, maybe I am too. I'm soooo sorry that I told you I got back 2 days after I actually did. That was horrible of me. But I have never, not ONCE stabbed you in the back like you did, me. I have tried. I have tried letting it go, thinking of some good times we have had to cover up the hurt, getting other peoples opinions. Doesn't work. You know what everyone has to say about you? That you're a bitch. That They are surprised you still even have friends. I know how amazing you can be, Katie. You're so fun to be around, and I know that you would have done anything for me if you could. But again... I wish the good could outweigh the bad. It doesn't. It never has, and it never will. I truly am sorry that we couldn't work this out. I'm really sorry that I'm just not willing to. You win.